Most Commented Humor Poems (1,865)

Twas my first trip to Ireland,
In fact, my only time abroad,
And it cost me every penny,
But was a choice I still applaud.

Oh, the trip was long and grueling,
Over twenty-four hours, in fact,
And I got there beat and hurting,
With the carry-on bag I'd packed.

But the people were delightful,
And the scenery rich and lush.
Time seemed to come to a standstill,
Without ever a need to rush.

While on my first trip to market,
For to buy a few things I'd need,
Some soap to wash the dishes,
Gave to me a broad grin indeed.

Printed there on the label,
Not dishwashing liquid, no,
"Washing-up" liquid named Fairy,
That is what it's called there, you know.

Now it may seem such a small thing,
If that was the name you knew,
But this old Yank from o'er the sea,
Well, I was charmed quite through and through.

The rain is falling,
My head is spinning,
The train is arriving,
My mind is dreaming.



The rain is falling,
My body is shivering,
My eyes are drooping,
The weather is cooling,



The rain is falling,
The cats are barking,
The dogs are meowing,
And somewhere a baby is dancing!!



The rain is falling,
This is not happening,
My mum is shouting,
Tantrums at me for day-dreaming!!!



This world is changing,
People all around are starving,
Liars and cheaters are playing,
While the rain is still falling...

Hit my head on a wall
the wall is okay
oozing out
the floor is slippery

Snake bitten
head chewing
cowboy boots move those hips
cadillac man pony up
spin her around
dim the lights
step it up
move them hips
cowboy boots
cadillac man
pony up
hang on tight

it's gonna be a wild ride
pony up hang on tight

move them hips
cowboy boots
cadillac man
pony up and
hang on tight
I'm gonna take
her home tonight.

Hey Y’all, queuing for the cheap seats and the stalls,
Let me show you my world, where the darkness speaks volumes,
As do the walls.
Any of you recognise yourselves in any of these tortured souls?
These?….Or those, toasting over the red hot coals?
Don’t be shy now…..You can tell me,
For to me your lives are of a delightful perspicacity!
Remember when someone once said they could see right through you?
You’ll love this….It’s a hoot….I really can do!
Perhaps ….You…..would like,
A privileged and prosperous life?
And …You…And you….A devilishly handsome husband,
Or a beautiful mini skirted wife?
None of it’s as impossible as you think,
I can fix anything for you, as quick as a wink,
You only have to say….
Well….that’s what friends are for, hey?
One …Small…Formality….Just sign here on the dotted line,
Stating that for favours granted…..
You would like your soul to be….MINE!

When you're trying to survive
it is important to know that you are indestructable
and nothing can harm you
so therefore you can do anything you want
When faced with a bear the best thing to do is clap it on the ears
and then just stand there and glare at it
When faced with an alligator you should approach it and
grabbing ahold of each jaw with both hands pull it apart
because their jaws are very weak
To ward off mosquitos run a lot and get really sweaty
that will ward them off
To save yourself from a dog attack make cat noises
and if that doesn't work try biting Fido on the nose
To save yourself from a mountain lion attack run away
as fast as you can and if it does get to you which it shouldn't
cause they're not that fast but if it should keep moving around
that will save your life
When in the desert stay in the sun to get a good tan
and keep your spirits up with a good vitamin D boost
and don't worry about finding water
it rains all the time in the desert
If in the artic look for a polar bear
kill it with your bare hands and use its fur coat to stay toasty
When swimming in the Amazon River
you don't have to worry about pirahna attacks because they only
attack animals their own size
If you follow these survival tips you will not only survive
you will thrive anywhere

Tired of the same old Human dating sites?
Tired of all the picky people? Well mabey
it's time for a change. This is your lucky
day because you've just walked into:
ZOMBIE.COM.!!!

That's right. Scan our finest selection of
walking mutants who are soooo not judgemental.
We don't care if your blood type is A-positive,
B-positive, or O-Negetive. We DRINK ALL!

We bring a whole new meaning to the words
EAT ME!!
Take a tour of our splendid Graveyards and get
your moan on.
Dress in rags and donate an arm or leg at the dance.
Chew on our skulls and we'll chew on yours too!
That's right lonely people you can sign up for free.
No credit card needed here ever! Become a proud member
of ZOMBIE.COM, and like totally Drop Dead with us!

I had to fart
but i could not
so i just blew apart
pieces settled
everywhere
all my family
was in disapair.

Get a pot
Put water in it
Let boil
Put in carrots, potatoes, onions, meat
Let cook for two hours
Open door
Feed man
Watch football with man
Laugh at his lame jokes
Don't complain
Give him sensual touches
repeat tomarrow

A thousand steps walking
a crooked fence
Catlike I step in this
fog so dense
Shall I dash my foot on
this white-washed
picket
My critics say 'Yes',
For surely he'll
Kickit!'