Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

Connecting Singles is like a Xmas tree,
So many filled with glitter and gold,
plenty of variety and all of it free,
But not many of the bangles are ever sold,

At the very top we have our daring Queen,
Priceless with glittering love of power,
This resplendent princess with gowns of sheen,
Make many a man needing to take that cold shower,

The next lower echelon holds the key,
So many baubles worn but still they shine,
They know of love and sadness that be,
Get the right match and they could be forever thine,

The broadest branches hold the most,
lots of crackers and tinseled twine,
They hang about like the Holy Ghost,
perpetually stuck as if committed a crime.

Now below this great host at the base of the tree,
Lots of pressies with pretty little bows,
Are little parcels of joy just like me,
For when in true loves arms hearts light certainly glows.

Twas the night before Christmas
when all through the house
nothing did stir
not even this souse

I lay in a heap
pissed as a newt
all crumpled up
in my best dinner suit

The evening had started
with a glass of eggnog
as I sampled a slice
of the chocolate Yule log

From there I moved on
to the new Christmas beer
a double strength concoction
created to cheer

At dinner there was wine
both white and red
and the port that I tasted
went right to my head

Carols were sung
and a few of us danced
it was at this time
that a brandy I chanced

It was the one for the road
and not meant to queer pitch
but at the back of my throat
I had felt a slight itch

It slipped down and soothed
so another I had
and it was right at this time
that I started to feel bad

A whiskey's the thing
that's what I need
a large one I poured
It went down with great speed

So the night before Christmas
under tree do I lay
and don't intend stirring
throughout Christmas Day


Happy Holidays

available on YouTube

Christmas is mere days away
and I've yet to write my list
so I had better get it done right now
or my chimney will be missed

Santa's sleigh will pass right by
not stopping on my roof
an empty space under the tree
will be considered proof

He will not drink his eggnog
or bite into mince pie
the carrots will be left untouched
while I will surely cry

So pen it is to paper
a bike and a dog wrote down
and then something for dressing up
the costume of a clown

I won't put socks and hankies
or any type of clothes
there is no need to write them down
as he always brings me those

Some puzzles, and a good book
and a tangerine of course
while right there at the top of list
I think I'll put a horse

Merry Christmas

He said: ---.-..-...?
She said:..-.--...-.Maybe
He: ----.-...-..-...-..Really?
She: --.-.-.-.--..Yes!
He: --.......-.--.-Wow!

I wrote a song for “my girl” I thought
She got annoyed with one of the words I wrote
What I wrote it again became my thought
I didn't find anything wrong I wrote
I asked her, what is wrong in my thought
She answered, the meaning of the word I wrote
it again confused me with what I thought
I checked again the words which I wrote

Ooooh My God what I thought
Ooooh My God and what I wrote

“You are my faith” was the word I thought
but
“You are my fate” was the word I wrote

I realized why she got annoyed with my thought
Finally I got a letter with one line she wrote
“You stupid idiot” was the line I thought
But !!!
“ You people please guess what she wrote”.

I am a little insect
and I've just grown some wings
but what I wish I really had
is something sharp that stings

For flying up in the air
seems dangerous to me
with wasps and hornets up there
and the buzzing bumble bee

I've got nothing to protect me
from their nasty bites
I'm very ill equipped my friends
to get involved in fights

So I think I will stay down here
among the worms and bugs
They seem a much more friendly lot
especially the slugs

Don't you think it would be grand
To own a little plot of land
And thereupon to build a home
With gardens in the sandy loam
And lots of trees, and good sharp axes
And someone else to pay the taxes!

Old mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
To fetch her dog a bone
When she got their
The cupboard was bare
So the dog gave her
A bone of his own

Women's translations
WOMEN'S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
We need... = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want... = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...
go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an idiot!

Hello Sunshine

How are you doing today? guess you having a beautiful day? i feel so delighted and great going through your profile,it has

actually left a huge and exciting smile on my face and i think you are gonna make my week really special and great,I

wouldn't want to trade this smile,excitement and joy for anything, I am General William M. Moore by name, i am a very easy

going, sincere, honest,loving, caring, passionate and romantic man with an excellent sense of humor,I believes in opening

door for a woman and giving her the respect and commitment that she deserves. I am very family oriented and love children.

Some of the things I like to do are listening to music, going to the movies, the beach, hiking,fishing, sitting in a park,

stargazing and cookouts. I enjoy doing just about anything especially in the company of someone special. i hope we keep in

touch with one another.Age is in the mind, if two agrees to love and learn each other, it will be very easy, romantic, and

lovely. I look forward to seeing your message.

Cheers,
General William M. Moore