Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

This year the Easter Bunny isn't so funny. He only left candy for those with money. It's true. And even though he is new he is stopping in every yard to leave a little poo. Once you see the damage he can do, you're finished and through. One sight of this fuzzy, little critter makes you determined not to be a quitter.

Break out the guns cause here he comes. Hopping here and there. Let them try to hit him once. He still refuses to be their lunch. There is only one of him against ten boys and men. Poor bunny. They try this each year again and again. When will they realize he is always going to get his way and win?

What will the children do? Can't explain it. The bunny will show on Easter Day. Children win games, hunt for eggs and play all as the Easter Bunny disappears for witness protection where he will stay. Until he returns next Easter Day!

I have talent - by my own assertion-
And it seems that lately, many more agree;
Though writing chiefly now in the first person-
Is that person I now write of - really me?
Far be it now, for me to cast aspersion -
On many (or even any) of my deeds;
For it is merely all "poetic license"-
" I'm " the poet that the critics cannot silence.



© lovecanbereal
All rights reserved

Here it is ladies!)The definitive test
concerning the true state of your mental
faculties. Just for fun you might wanna
take this test to see if you're really
insane. Results will be scored by people
who learned more and more about less and
less until they finally knew everything
about nothing. Be of good cheer! What do
you have to lose?
Ok, here we go.Just answer yes or no to
each question and we promise not to publish the results on the six o'clock
news.
For the ladies:
1. When you first meet a CS date in a public place do you steer away from the
clubs and bars fearing your new date
might discover how many jerks you beat
the hell out of just for being stupid?
2. Do you communicate with the spare tire
in the trunk of your car?
3. If you have red hair and the letter of
your first name begin's with 'L,' do you
think that means you've decended from
someone famous?
4. Did you ever want to be a witch?
5. Do you believe that the Wizard of
Oz had the hots for the wicked witch
of the west?
6. If so, would you be the brides maid
at their wedding?
7. Does being insane take most of the
stress out of your life?
8. At your job, would your coworkers raise
an eyebrow if you showed up wearing nothing but a pink thong, while you're screaming out that you are the true Joan
of Ark?
8. Are you the twin daughter of different
mother?
9. Have you ever suspected that the common
house fly has a better grasp on Einstein's
theory of relativity than you do?
10. Do you wish that you had invented the
toilet?
11. Have you ever confessed to a priest
why you've never worn a bra in church?
12. Do you believe that Mickey Mouse could
whip your boy friends A*s?
13. Do you feel unjustifiably good
about yourself because you paid for
your boyfriends rent just because he
lived in the woods for the last seven
years?
14. Have you ever set fire to your new
dates house with his very own "romantic
candles?"
15. Do you believe that men are not much
further along the evolutionary scale than, let's say, the cockroach you just swept
off your back porch?
16. Are you still reluctant to reveal to
your inner circle of friends you
confide your true feelings to a water
buffalo at the zoo?
17. If yesterday was tomorrow, and
next week was the last Thursday in
the second month of 296 BC. would
you take the day off and go skinny
dipping?
18. Does the word 'slop', make you
want to seek professional counciling?
19. If this next question had no answer,
would you ever again be able to look
your neighbors cat in the eye?
20. Do you still believe that Peter Pan
wrote the Declaration of Independence?
21. Is the FBI still confused as to why
they cannot find your last 17 boyfriends?
22. Do you still believe that your mailman
is the product of a genetic experiment by
beings from another planet?


There it is ladies. The ultimate test of
sanity or insanity. But it's all good!
Go forth. Be fruitful and multiply!
Cafe

Sit back ladies. Break out the popcorn and
soda, (or whatever you've been smoking,)
and contemplate this difinitive survey on
the insanity of men. Film at 11:00.
Are men really insane? Here are the results from the institute of 'What the freak was I thinking patholology.'
MEN!
1. Was your new CS date unable to come up
up with a viable passport proving you're
a legitimate member of the human species?
2. Did she have to sit on the couch watching you snivel like a whipped pup
because your favorite football team lost
the game?
3. Do you drink motor oil to prove you're
tough?
4. Does she get concerned when you wear your 44.magnum to church on Easter Sunday?
5. Did she become alarmed when she discovered
that there's no record of your existence?
6. Would she trust her children in the
presence of a man who still believes that
Elvis has been sighted on Mars?
7. Does her mother weep because her new
boy friend refuses to wear nothing but green socks?
8. Will her new boy friend summit to an
exorcism at the states expense?
9. When she says a word like 'sex,'to her
new CS date will you bring the car to a
screaching halt and strip naked on an
interstate highway?
10. Was she surprised when she came home
and found you wearing a pink dress simply
because you wanted to identify with Cinderella?
11. Does she fear that for some reason
Her new heart throb will eventually end
up in the witness protection program?
12. Did a red flag go up when she saw
You eat 63 hamburgers, 18 hotdogs, and
a warmed over reptile from the local zoo
at the family picknick?
13. Do you howl at the moon in some futile attempt to resurrect your inner
beast?
14. Does your mother wish she hand given
birth to a purple frog instead of you?
15. Have you told you how many people you
have buried in your basement?
16. Before you kissed her good night did
you require her to fill out a medical form
to verify that she wasn't suffering from
some mutant strain of leprosy?
17. Do animals laugh at you behind your back?
18. Do you have an inordinate affection
for eating all the photo's from the
album of your previous marriage?
19. Did she file a missing persons report
when you spent six days in the bathroom?
20. Did she ever wonder why 13 undercover
police vehicle's are always parked in your
driveway, and where you came up with the
$700,000 she found stuffed in your matress?
21. Does she get curious when every time she confronts you about
the 14 trash bags full of letters you've
received from the mental institution and
you keep in the shed?
There it is Ladies! If you can answer
yes to any of these questions then you've
got yourself a brand new boy friend! I'm
so happy for you. It doesn't get any better than this. Just email us. We've
got your man!
Cafe

A bard as Ancient as Macintosh...

The night wears a satin black,
with countless poker dots diamonds,

And in the morning sky,
change into a silky gold,
with fluffy laces of milky pearls,

I once summoned a frighten toad,
to fight a dancing Dragon,
with its webbed feet and tongue,
but fled when it's turn came,

Then I call my mum on my handphone,
she hang up coz I didn't pay her bills,
how can I dance on frozen butter,
while only wearing my Superman underwear?
And where is a shooting star when you need one?

Mistic meg what do you see when your glaze through me

As she takes my palm in her hand

Stares intensively

I furrow my brow thinking worriedly

" tis a dark haired man that will play games with your head

I'd. Never fall so stupidly

For dark haired man playing games with my head nor mystic Meg

I take my money off the table and run instead .


By K Frew.

Separated by an ocean
We live on different shores
We share a common language
are you sure? I’m not so sure
On subjects purely factual
we have great communication
but when it comes to British humour
There is a failure in translation

When talking to an Aussie
If I kick his sacred cow
He will see that I am joking
Hear him laugh, watch him howl
but on topics of religion
You get quite irate
If I name your god as an Imaginary friend
The humour fails to translate

If my words upset you
It was not my intention to offend
But please just let me know just what I said
I may wish to offend you again
Now that was me just joking
I think you Americans are just great
You cant help being the way you are
It's just my humour that won't translate

Hi! I am La Dudester by name. I seek out to find
a woman of a diffferent woman. And when
somebody told her she was a woman she
must still be able to knock them out with
a frying pan..

Six days ago I fell into a ditch. The
fire department pulled me out, and while
I was crying they bought me an ice cream
cone for 40 cents. They only did that
because my mother is from Egypt.

I am a man of great adventure. I watch
duck in park.

Twelve times I dated a woman of a different name but she still refused to
give birth to my 13 babies.

I single handedly overthrew the government of an entire nation but my
X- girlfriend said, 'That I still wasen't
tough enough.'

I am a warrior. One day I rode a horse into battle at 300 miles an hour. They
never did find the horse.

I'm planning to take a trip to another
planet one day. My X- boss has given up
his life savings to make sure I get there.

This new woman I seek on the site must
be willing to sleep in the woods for five
years before we sign a prenuptial agreement.

I am La Dudester.

Come to my country this Thursday night
so we can stand out on the street and
watch a circus horse tear up the town.

I am La Dudester!

You can email me @ dip dip La dip dip.
Or call me on 897-563-2942-638-074-024
My country is waiting to take your call

Send me a bag of french fries along with
your bank account number, birth certificate, and the deed to all your personal property. Lol.

When I slept at the end of the bed I knew I no longer wanted you

When you came to bed late every night I knew you no longer wanted me,

Passion spent and gone was the love we once knew

Yes this was meant to be

I now have the king size bed.


Haha .

LOVE ON THE NET?!


I feel alone in need of love
So I go to a site
Where they say they want the same
But my heart is feeling the strain

Dating Sites are getting me down
Their the hardest game in Town
Look for love
But end up alone

They want you to be honest
Then cut you off!
You send a smile
They send a frown!

Dating sites are getting me down
Their the hardest game in Town
Look for love
But end up alone

Walking on eggshells
One word wrong
They throw you out
And your still alone!

They want rich
But you are poor
You want sweet
But they turn sour!

Dating sites are getting me down
Their the hardest game in Town
Look for love
But end up alone...