Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

slowly move toward me i can feel u your hand touch my mind lick my lips taste your sweet sweat made a sound just OH OH...wait just a minute all most there hold it don't move close your eyes say my name wait almost there wait wait here it c*m c*m wait shhhh wait hold it oh may gosh am ...am hold me so good wow can u smell it can u taste me so good slowly moving down my thigh heat warmth so good taste good wow my first cup of coffee ?

Things are tasting very plain,
Take one relationship fading away,
Ounce of pleasure per pound of pain,
A sprinkling of tears like rain,
Set aside and let it drain,
A couple cups of rotten luck,
Fold in a few "I hate your guts",
One "I never want to see you again" ,
And a dash of "Maybe we can be friends...",
Then at the end throw in the towel,
Viola!,
Your done,
You've a heartache now...

To travel
In time a very different place
To the future
Or to the past

To allter are mistakes
To change what will be
To end are hard times
To fix are past

To mend are mistake
To end the past
Are new future we will create
A life of want fufilled

Are future bright
To travel at the speed of light
New york to sydney in just an hour
Na a blink of an eye a flash of light

You shop till you drop
And back home for tea to rest your waery feet
Hi love back again want a cup of tea

The life I’ve led has been so hard
That my body’s quite a wreck
Don’t ask about my state of mind
For up is down and in is side out

So many scars my body cover
I look like a turkey wrapped
I’m sure were it not for all of these
My insides would be on the floor outside

Now you might think I exaggerate
But you should see my left leg
Two rods, four pins, but that’s not all
Twenty seven screws together all hold

My right leg, I’m not sure where’s that
Many years ago was lost
All they gave me was a wooden peg
And with white ants that is riddled

My arms are fine, they work all right
Well, maybe not as good as yours do
It only took thirty three procedures
I swear they had fun slicing and dicing

Even my breasts did not escape
This mad ride called life
With all the ops that they performed
They now bruise my knees

I thought that when the end is near
My body to science I’ll give
Got in touch with the Body Farm
And filled out their application

Wasn’t long before round they came
To see what they’d be getting
Asked if I’d mind stripping off
For an examination so thorough

When out I stepped the woman screamed
And to her knees she dropped
“Holy Mary Mother of God,
Save me from this abomination.”

On she prayed as tears ran
While backwards she was crawling
Finally the door she reached
And down the road she fled

The man just stood there white as a ghost
His mouth wide open hanging
Faint moans escaped his lips
And sweat from his face pouring

Suddenly he turned and ran
As if on his heels Hell’s Hounds
Left his car where it was parked
Just fleeing on his mind

As slowly I dressed again
I pondered what had happened
Did that mean that the Body Farm
Had rejected my application

Once upon a time I used to snivel
I'd even swivel with a snivel
But the mayor of Snivelsville called
a town meeting
'Hark unto me O thou snivelers of
Snivelsville.'
'Cast thy snot rags to the wind..'
'Let not thy drama torn hairy chest
find thee weeping for that is sin'
Gird up your loins and talk back to
her
Or she'll enslave you to the chinny
chin chin'
'Don't pee pee your pants on her mothers
porch for surely you'll mop it up'
'You are snivelistically out of touch
As you hug and kiss your rubber duck'
Lol

It's Friday
There is a God!
My week has been
From the other side of
Hell
You’re wondering
Where the hell
Is the other side
of Hell
Pray tell
It’s before you get to
The bottomless pit
And just after your boss
Is a Twit
Oh, don’t pitch a fit
Or get lit
You know I’m right
It’s a blight
The other side of Hell
Exists
Recorded in diabolical
Lists
Desolate and empty
Absent of trendy
Think
As you put your
Mosquito netting
Around your work place
That torturous little space
Now, start letting
Your mind gravitate toward
Drink

I thought that i would
make you some cookies ,
but I went to the store
and bought some yummy ones !

They looked so good ,
and even smelt better;
now they just disappeared ,
they are in a better place .

I'll keep this a secret
so only you will know ,
I had a yummy temptation
and it feels so bad.

I like smoking dank especially from a bong but sometimes the bud is too f*cking strong. I know weed is never too strong ,but it can be if you hit it for too long. Whenever I get hella f*cking high my mouth gets super f*cking dry. This is when I need some wet pu**y for my cotton mouth because i'm legendary when it comes to licking down south. It's my motherf*cking gift I promise it'll give your mood a really good lift. As you slowly take off your miniskirt I eat your pu**y till you begin to squirt. When you squirt it reminds me of a water gun because its summer and were having hella fun. Your pu**y is a perfect shade of pink when I lick your pu**y you get wetter than a motherf*cking sink.

Earthly Beings

I'm searching for an earthly being who would appreciate a space cadet. Sometimes I suffer from loneliness, just to have someone aboard my ship. I’m still looking to explore this thing called sex that all the earthly beings talks so much about. I’m told sex is better enjoyed if shared with others than doing it alone. I guess I’ll find out when the time comes or when the time is right. I’ve been waiting such a long time, but I’m sure it will be worth the wait according to all my friends. My closest connection with mankind over the years has been purely through the written word via internet or spoken by phone, still hoping to change that, but growing old with failed attempts. Looking for that special earthly being who understands that tuna that looks good doesn’t always taste good, yet willing to test the flavor of a chance not taken. The path less traveled might be the best journey; to explore it is to win to ignore it is loose. ….

"The time has come to talk of things"
Said the rabbit to the condor
The rat and the snake were quick to agree
Yet the old tortoise needed time to ponder

The dragon came with heavy tread
Huffing, puffing and breathing fire
They all ran, things were getting hot
At this rate they would have a pyre

"Please stop," the condor cried
As he flew high overhead
"Stop huffing and puffing and burning things
Or soon we'll have some dead."

Warily the rat came up
And gave the dragon ale
Greedily the dragon drank
He sank pail after pail

A mighty burp and down he fell
His snoring echoed throughout the dell