Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

Low tide request sent
To forklifters mind

Lift me high

Till i'm high tide
In the sky

Case in outerspace
nutcase

Nutcase save's
Human race

teacher: what does the chicken give you?

kids: meat

teacher: very good now.what does the pig give you?

kids: bacon

teacher: great! and what does the cow give you?

kids: homework!

I try and make
my comments
like a woman's skirt
long enough

to be interesting
short enough to be respectful...

No body talks
if a chicken can't fly
or when the honey bee flies
no one comments...

Cool posts
and comments
make cool friends!

If it's negative
don't forget
to leave it in my suggestion box
shaped like a toilet!

At 28 I was so sexy and straight
Does my Bum look Big In this?
Does my Bum look Big In this?
At 38, I thought was an 8!!!!
Does my Bum look Big In this?
Does my Bum look Big In this?
Now at, 48 my body is no longer straight
Am I to hate all those chocolates I once ate?
Or
Those fish & Chip suppers I loved so late
Or
The drive to work where a walk would rate

Does my Bum look Big In this?
Does my Bum look Big In this?
Now at the gym aerobics is all in
They say that lycra is all the rage
Pink, blue, green even a creamy Listerine
Calories were burnt trying to worm my way inside
With a zip up the back I found it impossible to react
Does my Bum look Big In this?
Does my Bum look Big In this?
I won my man with him I had kids my shape and size still catches my husband’s eyes
My looks are still my trait and my beauty still inside
So how you see me is a guide to the love and smiles that shines from inside
XXXL, XXL, XL, L, M, or Small, who cares?
All I care for is husband, kids and all.

Just in case I lose some weight
I will still ask him that question
Does my bum look big in this?
He will smile and say a white lie because that’s my guy.

Ned is dyslexic
I see god but he sees dog
I'm saved, he's bitten

Mine to Keep
Oressie Simmons


I often thought of myself as an unique character, where events in my life were just a tab bit sadder.


No one could ever know such pain; no one could ever have a sadder story quite the same.


For who knows about tragedy of a sudden heart break or the timid steps to recovery one must take.


Yes,there is no one out there quite like me and I often ask myself and we agree.


Because no one understands the feeling to lose someone you love or how superficial hobbies may be there as their sub.


For who knows about being turned down from employment while all the time thinking this opportunity was heaven sent.


Yes,there is no one that could ever experience these feelings for I am the only unique human being living.

Gonna tell you a story
all so true
about a scheming girl
named Betty Sue...

Kind of girl
make a fool of you
make a young man grow old
and an old man pay too...

Betty Sue stole my golden chain
took the keys to my Chevy car
took her kitty
and drove so far...

Hired a P.I. to search her trail
contacted the post office
to track her mail
then heard she was placed in jail
kissed the judge
and placed on bail..

Betty Sue moved to city Yazoo
just to make a fool of me and you
heard she married a rich cat with two kids
ripped him off and he flipped his lid!

I’m gonna spill my guts
Yeah, tell you what it’s about
Don’t start to yell and shout
Until you know just how nuts
This poem will surely get
Wait ‘til the end to throw a fit
I’m seriously trying to choose
Just the right words to use
So I don’t overwhelm
Or get you into the blues
Please don’t start crying
It’s a sad story for sure
Filled with emotion
Love and devotion
It’s not really even that clever
Rather stupid, however
It does involve cupid
The sixties, s*xual revolutions
The Mash potato, The Chicken
These are dances not food
The Pony you wanted at eight
You Jerk don’t be late
The Locomotion
Two men, toads
A princess
It has some seedy villains
But absolutely no guns
I think, I’m on the brink
That’s why I’m seething
Reeling, spinning or whatever
Arrows, love and hearts broken
I’m thinking while I'm blinking
Outrageously outspoken
DD bra burning, skinny-dipping
Streaking, strippers and orgies
“Finding the light”
Dude, where’s your car?
Two men in the street
Last night arguing over
A toad in the road
One said kiss it
The other said no
One said why not
And the other said
Why would I bro?
Obviously this
Lowly little toad
Could be a princess
Kissing it will set her free
To love you for all eternity
Well then, you kiss the toad
Since you know so much
You have all the stories to tell
About wishing wells
Princesses going
Braless, ladylove
And such
Stop and think
Hey,
Let’s go get a drink
I bet you're out of ink

I have 10000000 $.

I love to go to the woods at night
And howl at the moon
Chase small furry creatures round
And with my knife rip them apart
But I am quite normal

I love to shop at department stores
And wear ten pants at once
Then I slowly waddle out the door
And then run like hell
But I am quite normal

I love to drink at my local pub
Downing one beer after another
I get so full the room spins around
And the floor comes up to meet me
But I am quite normal

I love to ride my motor bike
I think I'm a big tough bikie
It's a Honda 90 step through
Red hot pink the colour painted
But I am quite normal

I'm normal and straight
And oh so very boring
The rest of you, there's something wrong
You must be weird and crazy
For I am quite normal