Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

, Not to take away the other mans brother jim,I too have a bro called Jim,

My bro jim is a happy chappy I used to have to change his nappy.

He loved to scream so I fed him a block of ice cream .

His teeth nearly rotted from the sugar Ion his dummy,

He used to hide on mummy,

Once we found him on a train ,

Said he was going to Spain,

Happy jim we call him,

Except when I annoy him , then he would roar and pace the floor

Roar roar some more at me ill put some sugar on a dummy

,,,, Like I used to do ,

Yes yes he said that's why my teeth rotten in my head ,

I won't go into his teenage years but its amazing he got past the age of four,

Once he fell down the stairs and hit his head on the glass door,

He has more friends and girlfriends. I've lost count

He is the man about town is my bro jim.

,,,, Work hard play harder is his thing,

, Now things will change for him,

He will be home in a few months

,, A present .
,
He put a baby in his girlfriends belly,

He feels very proud he going to be a daddy ,

, His girlfriend too she will be a mammy,


, I hope he dos'nt. put sugar on his babies dummy.

My bro jim he is funny .

He has a big smile of pearly whites .

I hope they not gone brown and he hasn't been putting sugar on a dummy
,
My bro jim we love him,




By his big sis the real boss ,haha,
,

My favorite bit on David Letterman
Was when his announcer said
This is stupid!
Then he puts on a bicycle helmet
Rides a tandem bike
He flips Dave off
Yelling "Later A#$!@#$!
I am going to miss Dave
Not as much as I still miss Johnny Carson
My two favorite guests for this last week
Bill Murray and Jim Carrey
Both hilarious!

THE DADDY LONG LEGS
Those little strange creatures that never lay still
will not die cannot kill.
Cause they always seem to revive from the almost dead
those slim line insects with the gangliest of legs.
While just getting comfy they buzz and annoy
irritate or unsettle like some secret ploy.
Its always the face or the fresh groomed hair
they don't worry they don't care
You swat you shoe but they just won't go
creeping from high crawling from low
They sneak through gaps a vent a door
a slight opened window a crack in the floor.
They pretend to perish as cool as they like
and when you least expect return back to strike .
Either washing down plugholes or thrown in a bin
it makes no use they replenish with a grin
to get you to that manical state
absolute seething totally irate .
When morning comes it gives respite at least
from this small living being that acts like a beast.
So next time when conditions are ripe for those foes
best cover up from your head to the tip of your toes .

I MET A WOWAN CALLED FATE AND HERE WAS WHAT SHE SAID TO ME
DEFEAT IS ONE CANKERWORM EATING DEEP INTO THE FABRIC OF FATE
DEFEAT IS THAT ANGEL OF LESSON,
SENT TO TEACH PRUDENCE WHERE ONE, HAS FALLEN
DEFEAT IS THAT MESSENGER OF TRUTH,
CALLED FORTH TO SPRING THE KNACK THAT,
SHEILDS ONE FROM FALLING INTO GRAVIER DISTRESS
FIGHT THE STUMBLING BLOCKS OF DEFEAT, IN YOUR ROAD TO SUCCESS

THE GATE WAY TO TRUE LOVE AND LOVING,
ARE ALWAYS AS WIDE AS
THE OCEAN
AND RUNS DEEP, LIKE STILL WATERS
UNGRATEFUL PERSONS AND BETRAYALS ARE BUT,
TIDAL VOICES GIVING ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO MOVE OUT OF NAIVETY,
INTO THE SUBTLE UNDERSTANDIG OF THE WORD CALLED " TRUE LOVE"

LOVE AND TOLERANCE ARE TWIN- BORN,
ONE HEART MUST HOLD BOTH UNIQUE SISTERS IN ONE VIEW, SHOULD ANY RELATIONSHIP LAST

whats up is down and whats down is up
a topsey turvey world in a half filled cup
a fantasy land covered in fun and thrills
no fixing it, no medicine, not even pills

those many outside come inside now
the many inside go out you see to find the cow
a curious thing to think of things for sure
it makes no sense, no need for a cure

the mute do speak, those speak now sing
the ones who walk now fly with a single wing
creatures that flew now swim, swim they do
from the waters start walking, so many, so few

it makes no sense, right is left and left is right
this curious thing thats happening, now dark is bright
a world turned upside down and downside up
it makes no sense, this world in a half filled cup

Good day Mr Drew
How do you do?
I'm still feeling oddly
From thinking of your body 

Oh me! oh my!
Mr Andrew sir
What a big anchor 
You have hanging there!

Is it quite robust?
Is that a spot of rust?
Allow me to clean it
It needs a womens touch

Oh no! oh gosh!
How Mr Drew?
When I touched your anchor
It covered me in goo!

A young playboy had a blind date,
They went to Fun Park he thought was great,
They rode on the Ferris wheel which he adored,
But his blind date seemed somewhat bored.

“What would you like to do next?” he softly bade,
She said coyly, “I wanna be weighed,”
So he took her to a large weighing machine,
Where she proved herself to be trim and lean.

After that he bought her popcorn and cotton candy,
He was hoping such indulgence might get her randy,
“What now?” he asked with seduction in his head,
“I wanna be weighed,” she instinctively said.

He thought her a simpleton and his mind began to roam,
He needed an excuse to take the girl home,
He was quite experienced at playing the fake,
So he told the girl that he had a headache.

The girl’s mother was surprised she was home so soon,
It was still only early with no rise of the moon,
“How was your date dear?” she asked quite mousy,
To which the girl answered, “It was wousy!”

When I was age five
Fairy tales were still alive

Along came 15
Wow now I’m a teen

An aspiring adult at 25
Things are just coming alive

Not a young adult at 35
But still keeping my stride

Middle age at 45
Old age is a far cry

Oh dear now 55
Managing to still thrive

Today I will turn 65
Still here and am alive!