Most Liked Humor Poems (1,865)

Sharing mussels can be whiskey

Do you ever take the time to look closely at the ants

Just roll up your pants,

So they don't bite you.

I did just that as I sat back in my sun lounger one hot summers day .

I saw hundreds ants come out to play,

Tho they weren't playing they were scurrying around

What were they doing they don't stop to rest,

People poison them and call them a pest.

I looked more closely to see each ant is stratistically doing their job,

But what.

Whatever it is it is important to them.

So I won't pour boiling water over them or feed them with poison.

I just don't want them to come indoors as I think they just might

So I put the sugar and food out of their sight.

Roses are Red and so is Merlot....Your pretty awesome...Thought you should know

The sea looked inviting one hot summers day ,

So I took off my socks and made my way where ripples glistened in the sun,

My skin glowed like a hot cross bun,

I forgot to bring my speedo swimsuit

The guy in the water looked kinda cute,

As he rode the waves one by one

I wanted to join him

I had nn swimsuit this was no fun,

My body was melting in the miday day sun,

So Id swim in my knickers I had brought a spare one,

The surfer smiled as I made my way,

By peach on the beach.

THIS MAN
This man has fought a thousand battles......
And is still standing....
Has cried a thousand tears....
And still smiling....
Has been broken, Betrayed,
Abandoned, Rejected,
But still He is still walks proud...
Laughs loud, Lives without fear,
Love without doubt,
This man is handsome....
This man is humble..
This man is respectful..
This man is kind...
This man is loving...
This man is caring...
THIS MAN IS ME........

Who are you
On mounted pedastals
High above
You look and stir

Motionless
You stand
Jessters in hand

Poissed in figure
Cold to touch
Vains deep
Marbled white

Elegant figure
Moulded from life
Chisled jaw figure smooth
Young you are

Now motionless
for all to see
Cast in stone
For all to see

I COMPARE THEM TO, UNDERWEAR! YOU CHANGE THEM, FREQUENTLY; AND WHEN YOU GET ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE ELSE; YOU DATE THEM, SECRETLY! I'LL NEVER AGAIN, GET INVOLVED; FOR ENDINGS TO AFFAIRS; ARE TOO EASILY SOLVED! FOR AN AFFAIR TO SUCCEED; AND TURN INTO A FLOWER, AND NOT A WEED; YOU MUST HAVE TWO PEOPLE, WHO ARE SO MUCH ALIKE; THAT THEY CAN SETTLE, FOR THE LOVE OF THE DAY; AND REMEMBER, HOW IT FELT; SHOULD LIGHTNING STRIKE!

My tummy is full
just finished a cheeseburger
finished with those fries?

One by one the contestants lined up
With their pants to mid mast lowered
Here they were, the best of the best
At the Aquim World competition for farting

Three different areas they would all be judged on
For this honour to be World Champion
The judges were ready to sound the bell
And the audience in their seats all excited

The sound it made was deemed important
Whether pitched high, low or an explosive sound
The length sustained was of high importance
But the smell achieved would be the winning glory

First off the rank was the wharfie, Mary the Fairy
Short of stature but wide of girth
Out ripped the farts like from a machine gun
And the smell was quite something to sniff

The audience roared their appreciation
While some on the front seats gagged
The judges conferred, seemed unanimous
The score card they held up read a seven

Next came a lady, well only by name
Her arse took up two seats coming here on the plane
She let forth a rip that droned on and on
For something so loud the smell was gone

The audience groaned, their disappointment clear
They expected something, a quality much better
The judges were quick, up went the card
To her was given nothing better than three

Next was Abdhul Hameed, the driver of camels
A hairy posterior matted with shyte
He let rip with a smell most foul
Then tragedy struck, down his legs it ran

The audience gasped, then yelled in disgust
Rules were broken, this just was not allowed
Up jumped the judges with red card displayed
Abdhul forced to leave with head hung in shame

Patrick Fitzmichael, the Irishman next
A digger of ditches, a man in training for years
The sound was loud, a high pitched squeal
And the smell was rather obnoxious

The crowd went wild as the smell hit them
He was the best this night so far
Nine point five, the judges’ card read
Tonight he was far out in front

The last one to go was a man named Bluey
He was an Aussie, real tall and skinny
The audience booed, what could he do
This skinny roustabout from the bush

His hands reached back and his cheeks opened
The audience gasped as it winked at them
No warning at all, the sound suddenly reached them
Super sonic boom like a jet flying past

From the strength of the blast the first row fell
And the second in their seats were rocked
Shocked were the judges, how could this happen
Never in history had a blast been this strong

On and on the sound kept coming
Would the end never arrive
Then oh my gawd, the smell that followed
One whiff enough and down they fell

The judges from pockets their gas masks they grabbed
Never once they’ve been needed before
On the spot Bluey was given the coveted medal
Of the best farter in the whole wide world

Those still conscious in the audience
Could barely manage a cheer
But Bluey was happy as his pants he lifted
For he still had plenty left to give

Time is our friend

each second ticks away

There time to work

and a time to play

There is a time to love

and time to age

Tick tock the seconds tick away

Time gives us daylight

and turns into night

Where has the years gone

as the time ticks away

My eyelids are heavy now

as I sleep time away

Tomorrow I will wake for a new day

I wish I could stop time now as I age

But that darn clock keeps ticking away