Random Humor Poems (1,865)

There once was a man so green,
From a galaxy we've never seen,
When I asked "Can I go?",
He sadly said "No...,
Humans only dare dream..."

To steal a kiss is really sweet.
To be given one free is twice the treat.

Are you smarter than a highschool dropout?
Cause there's gonna be some consequences later
Officer Officer
Now we're back in jail
Are you smarter than you used to be?
Are you smarter than a highschool dropout?
Grab some weed and a bag of shrooms
Officer Officer
Now we're back in jail
So are you smart enough for state prison?

Tis round and long and entices me
As it sizzles and pops along
But what's inside, it's a mystery
A mystery what's with the meat
So turn the snag, don't want to know
Keep the barbie going
Going to stick this sausage
Between a piece of bread
Who's going to join me

Why did the gorilla through a pound of butter out the window?
Because he wanted to see a butterfly
What is white and black and red all over?
Not a newspaper but a zebra with a sunburn
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see Gregory Peck
What comes but never arrives?
Tommorrow

Mistic meg what do you see when your glaze through me

As she takes my palm in her hand

Stares intensively

I furrow my brow thinking worriedly

" tis a dark haired man that will play games with your head

I'd. Never fall so stupidly

For dark haired man playing games with my head nor mystic Meg

I take my money off the table and run instead .


By K Frew.

C D B, D B C ME, WHEN D B C ME I C D B 2!

I sat in the garden alone
The hibiscus in full bloom
I was waiting for someone
I thought of the man waiting for Maud
Crying”Come into the garden Maud”
Did she ever appear?
But Maud had gone
That was her name ‘Gonne’
Actress and feminist in her day
Muse to poets like Yeats.
I did not have long to wait
When She came
All thought of Maud
was gone.

Every woman that I ever met
Has a possession of hers that
I refuse to enter; not only
For her privacy, but for
Fear of the unknown.
It is not huge, but compact
Enough for her to carry,
With her, through out the day.
But then again, I have been
Witness to those that, us as men,
Could carry clothing for a months
Vacation to Bermuda.

THE PURSE! HER PURSE!
You know, the carry all,
When at the check out counter
She innocently asks,
"Honey, can you get my
Wallet out of my purse?" then
Adds with that come hither look,
That melts your heart and
Sends all logical thoughts
To the area below your belt.
"It's right on top."
The sweetness sucks you right in,
Just like THE PURSE is about to!

You gingerly open it, expecting
Something to spring out, like
A child's Jack in the Box.
But it doesn't spring up,
It springs OUT, like an
Over stuffed jelly donut!
Though not a sticky or colorful,
Never the less, just as stuffed.

The quest begins...

Archeological digs are easier..

Somehow, someway, Mt. Saint Helen
Just erupted, but no ash spewn.
Sections of stick gum, ranging
From the with of edge of a dime,
To full length pieces that
Somehow strayed from the comfort
Of their shinny abode; followed
By every receipt for purchases
Made in the last quarter of the
Twentieth century, to now,
Lay on top; no wallet to been
Seen, not in the first five
Inches.

Keys, lip gloss, eye shadow,
Of thirty different hues,
Foundation, powder, mints,
Paper money; still in bank
Envelopes, but NO WALLET!

After five minutes, she
Yanks her treasure carrier
Violently from your hand,
Finds the object in question,
In less time it took
To open Mt. Saint Helen.

Her come hither look was quickly
Replaced by that disgusted,
Stupid man, hating look.
Her sweet come hither look,
That brought thoughts of
Future recreation; replaced
In mind, by what she can
Do to herself!

There is more to tell
Of this relationship
Destroying pouch, but,
For now, my inner voice
Says beware...

I have a weakness in my sight as I am getting old,

I thought it was my girlfriend I saw shiver with the cold,

I placed my hands around her bum, and said I'll warm you dear,

In shock the strange girl screamed and swung a slap to my left ear.

My dentures flew into the air, and landed down her front,

And as I dived to fetch them, it was like a treasure hunt,

My hand became entangled in the loose threads of her bra,

And as I pulled it off her, half the street yelled out HURRAH !

I took my T shirt off so I could cover her bare chest,

And then arrived a Copper with the two of us half dressed,

I couldn't hear him as he spoke, my left ear partly deaf,

And with no teeth I could not speak, a word that starts with " F "

He brought us to the station where my girlfriend was in wait,

And written all across her face, was jealousy and hate,

It took me all my might to prove, that I was innocent,

And finally they all believed, it was not my intent.

Imagine all of this was caused because of poor eyesight,

And that poor girl will ne'er forget the day she got that fright,

I sat there with a red ear and a bag of cold ice cubes,

And to the lads now boast, "I got my teeth into her boobs".