Might not have been as big a waste as you think. Through all that, what did you learn about yourself? About people in general? About our world?
I recently "wasted" a few months meeting, getting to know, and keeping in touch with a man. We were making plans for getting closer and having a good time. For the last 6 weeks of our acquaintance, we spoke on the phone daily (sometimes multiple times a day). One day he simply didn't call. He didn't answer when I called him. I sent e-mail with questions I had. No response. My final e-mail to him was simply to wish him well and to thank him for allowing me to share a small part of his life.
This incident taught me a few things about myself (including the fact that I can be a bit over-cautious at times). It taught me something about people in general (some look at others in their lives as being disposable with no feelings). It taught me something about our world (won't elaborate on that one). All of life is a learning experience. When we stop learning, we die (not the other way around).
Life is much too short to waste time and energy harboring ill will toward others, no matter how you've been wronged. Acknowledge the lessons you've learned from each experience, accept them, and move on.
I've taught each of my grandkids the same things I taught their mothers: puddle jumping, counting blades of grass, walking in the woods, snuggling, catching snowflakes on their tongue, etc. The little things are much more important for our well-being than the big, material things. My girls and I used to ride horses at night a lot. It was so peaceful and enjoyable being in the woods at midnight. The memories my girls and I share are precious. I can only hope that the memories my grandkids will have of Memaw will be just as precious to them.
I lost my middle daughter more than 4 years ago, one week after her 22nd birthday. I lost my father on the same day, twelve hours later. The two of them shared the same birthday also. The nightmares haven't stopped yet. The "me" I had known all my life ceased to exist on that day and will never return.
There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't wish I had died instead of her. I would have ended my own life to save her.
OP - You should watch the movie "John Q".
I won't return to this thread because just reading it will provide me with some sleepless nights.
My girls went to public schools (simply for socialization). When they were in grade 6, I began a bit of home schooling in addition to their public schooling. When they were in grade 8, I home schooled. When they were seniors, they went back to public school, again for the socialization.
Each of my girls learned at a different rate and in a different manner. Our public schools are not set up to accommodate such differences. Children are forced to learn at the same rate and in the same manner. Few teachers here seem to take their job seriously and are nothing more than over-paid babysitters. Part of my girls' home schooling was through a home-schooling organization. The "school" provided computers and the work was done through online classrooms.
A common statement I've heard from teachers here is that there are 3 reasons to become a teacher: June, July, and August. I've even dealt with teachers who do not like children. One teacher threw scissors at a student. Another teacher made my middle daughter run laps in gym class until she ended up with leg problems.
Around here, sports are more important than education. My two youngest were both threatened with detention because they wouldn't participate in rowdy pep rallies. They'd sit and do homework or read instead of jumping around and cheering about their teams. Sad.
In a world where form is increasingly more valued than function, all of life is becoming a meat market. I've heard too many comments like, "Who cares if he/she isn't very bright! He/She is gorgeous!" I've heard lots of folks rave about the kind of car they drive, then complain because it's uncomfortable. But gee, it looks great! Furniture in the house is often the same (from my observations). People buy gorgeous furniture, then complain that it is uncomfortable. But hey, it's gorgeous!
I realize that not everyone is like this, but I see it more and more. In the relationship world, if you're high on the popular "form" index, it doesn't matter how low or slightly off-key your "function" is. If you're high on the "function" index (and function isn't popular these days), you better have the right "form" or you can count on searching for someone special for a long time.
It's sad that humans are like that, but it's the nature of the beast. Form over function is one reason we hear about so many young people these days craving plastic surgery. Recently I witnessed a 10-year old girl (who had just had her hair and nails done at a salon and was sporting designer clothes) argue with her mother that she "had" to have a gym membership so she could start working out. She just "had" to get in shape so she fit in with the kids she most wanted to be friends with and so the boys would like her. Very sad, indeed.
I was a bartender in my younger days and I always considered that scene a meat market. Being online is simply an electronic meat market. I feel bad for those who treat life as a meat market. I just think that life is great. I love that everyone is different.
Maybe I just spend too much time waxing philosophical. My youngest daughter tells me that I need to do more and think less.
My "ex" abandoned me about 6 weeks after our middle daughter died more than 4 years ago. He simply didn't come home one day. I have no idea where he is and since he's a master at identity theft, he could be anywhere. I've been told that I can't file for divorce until/unless I can find him. I don't have the financial resources to find him. I don't even know if he's still alive.
If a man I meet has been separated a short time, I won't do any more than simply talk to him. If he is like me and has been separated for a few years with no contact with the "ex", there might be a possibility for something more.
It's all a matter of trust, so only time will tell. I don't trust easily. I did meet a man a few years ago and we became very close. He had been divorced for a number of years, but still talked a lot about his ex. I actually helped him get back together with her since that was the only way he'd be happy.
Most deadly moment in my life? I was 16 years old. Riding horses with a friend. We were racing the horses along a gravel-covered road. My cinch broke. The saddle and I ended up hanging under the horse's belly. Got dragged for about 50 feet. The cinch finally broke the whole way through and the saddle fell to the ground, just as the horse stepped on my inner thigh. A passerby gathered me up, took me to the hospital, and called my mother. I was torn up from my head to my ankles and wore thick bandages on most of my back, legs, and arms for about a month. Took me about 3 years to recover completely from the serious wrenching my entire body sustained, but 3 weeks after the accident I was back on the same horse racing my friend on the same road.
There's giving up your life to be with someone, and then there's giving up everything to be with someone (if that makes sense). Over the last few years I became involved with 2 different men. Chemistry was there and we had great times. Just when deeper feelings were beginning to show up, it was brought to my attention that I would be expected to give up the things that brought me a great deal of joy for the last 40 years: my animals, my library, my crafts, etc. One implied I would have to give that all up because he didn't have room for my "stuff". The other wanted me to give up everything to travel around the US in a van, living off the proceeds of selling things at flea markets.
It's one thing to give up my life to make a major move to be with the one I love, but it's entirely something different to be expected to give up everything I enjoy because there's no room or to live like a gypsy. Not in this lifetime!
I may have been wrong all these years, but I thought that being with the one you love was a blending of two lives, not of expecting your love to give up everything in their life to fit into a corner of yours. I'd give up my current life to be with the man I love, but I refuse to do that if it also means giving up everything I enjoy. There are limits to everything.
Intellect, to me, is the ability and desire to learn. That ability should have no limits and that desire should never be totally satisfied.
This is simply my opinion, nothing else. I've noticed over the last half century a rather disturbing trend in the US. I don't know about other countries. We are more and more moving into a phase in which form is valued over function. Strident efforts are made to "dumb us down". (If we are encouraged to NOT use our heads and think for ourselves, we are easier to control.)
I noticed this trend when my daughters were in elementary school and it got worse as they advanced to high school. My oldest was doing post-graduate level work in 8th grade. Teachers were astounded by her capabilities, yet she was not allowed to advance. She was forced to stay at the level the rest of her class was working at. She was bored to distraction.
I encouraged her abilities and schooled her at home in addition to "regular" schooling. Despite my efforts, she was discouraged from pushing herself to learn. At home she was thrilled with learning. At school and in public she hid her desire to learn. She wanted to fit in. Her intellect/intelligence was seriously stifled no matter what I did.
Over the years her desire for knowledge has decreased and she no longer gets a thrill from pushing herself. I grew up in an age when we were pushed to learn all we could. Over the years my desire for knowledge has continued to increase.
We are all (figuratively speaking) born with the ability to learn. How far we are encouraged/permitted to develop that ability is what determines our future.
What makes me happy? The list is practically endless, but here's a few:
teaching my grandkids how to puddle jump snuggling in bed with my grandkids sunrises and sunsets rain snow lightning nature horses dogs solitude peace quiet reading crafts computers
And we're in the opposite boat up here, Ooby. It has rained so much this summer that gardens are not doing well and my yard looks like a jungle most of the time. At least my spring didn't go dry this summer, as it usually does.
The grandkids and I are so bored with being trapped in the house so much that sometimes we sit outside in the tent and watch it rain. At least it's good weather for teaching the little ones how to puddle jump!
Thought I'd chime in on this one. I'm hoping to relocate to the Edmonton area one of these days. I've always wanted to live in KY, just never had the chance. Gorgeous country down there.
At the moment, I've got about 6 books I read bits of at different times of the day. But every night (for now) I snuggle up with Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment.
Pyramids of Giza, Cairo Museum, Abu Simbel, Karnak, the Nile, Valley of the Kings, Siwa Oasis, Luxor, etc. I guess it depends on how long your stay in Egypt is going to be. Personally, I could spend a great deal of time in that fabulous country.
Unfortunately, human beings are the only species on the planet which kills their own kind for no good reason. Greed (for money, power, land, control of all kinds, etc.) leads to war. Always has, always will. As long as there are humans on this planet, war will be a part of our lives. It's the nature of the beast. And we're supposed to be the most advanced species on the planet! Right.
Meeting someone online is little different than meeting someone in real life, as far as trust goes. You don't automatically distrust everyone you meet online, just as you don't automatically distrust everyone you meet in real life. Trust is something we must all prove we are worthy of, no matter the situation.
Life experiences sometime make it difficult for us to trust anyone, but we must not allow ourselves to be hardened by life. If we keep building protective walls and don't give others a chance to prove themselves to us (whether good or bad), we will eventually find ourselves locked in a room with no doors or windows. And that prison will be one of our own creation.
When my youngest daughter was 16 (she's now almost 25), I finally gave in to her pestering. She had been begging for 2 years to have me shave her head. She had blonde hair halfway down her back. We went to my mother's to borrow the clippers. I sat her down on the back porch and asked if she was sure this was what she really wanted. She told me to just do it already! I started and watched that beautiful hair falling away (sort of like Demi Moore in GI Jane). By the time we were done, most of the neighborhood was crowded around the porch. Everyone was telling me what a horrid mother I was for doing that to my daughter.
I was actually shocked at the way she looked when we were done. She has the most perfectly shaped head I've ever seen. Her shaved head actually emphasized her big gray eyes and made her look more feminine than she did with her long hair. Everyone who saw her in the 6 months she kept it shaved told her how nice it looked. She was pleased as punch with it.
Her hair is now down her back again and she's contemplating having me shave her head once more. She now has 3 small children and doesn't have the time or the energy to mess with long hair.
Fab pics, RDM! It's amazing what we find in nature if we simply take the time to look.
About a week ago my youngest daughter (25 years old) and I were standing outside at 1 AM watching a storm. It happened to be a storm that didn't reach the ground. It was a lightning storm in the clouds. We were watching as huge bolts of lightning were traveling from one cloud to another. The bolts within the clouds lit up the entire sky, yet everything was pitch black when the bolts traveled between the clouds. There was absolutely no noise. It was a remarkable sight. Makes me want to become a storm chaser when I grow up.
I had love once. It cost me more than 2 decades of isolation in a hell not of my making. I was very fortunate to escape with my life. My chances of finding love in the future are slim and none (and Slim's on vacation), so I'll take the money.
I started my computer life with a CPM system, then moved to DOS (loved it). I was already computer literate when the first version of Windows came out. Had to learn it for work. Hated it. Still hate it. But I no longer have the patience to learn a new OS.
I stuck with it all these years because it eventually got to the point where I was troubleshooting other folks' software problems. I also spent a lot of time teaching new computer owners how to run their system (most I've found aren't terribly intelligent when it comes to grasping electronic concepts of operation). Windows is just easier from a teaching standpoint.
I build my own systems and haven't purchased a pre-built system in decades. Windows is just easier for me to deal with, especially since I'm quite familiar with its quirks. Even viruses aren't a problem for me since I've learned how to deal with most of the problems. My computer is now simply for recreation.
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.. 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground... 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional... 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . .. Having friends. At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license. At age 35 success is ..... . . .having money. At age 50 success is .. . ... Having money.. At age 70 success is . ..... Having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . ... . Having friends. At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.
My dad drove truck for about 50 years. I was married to a trucker for 23 years. I spent many long hours on the highways in a truck myself and even learned to drive one. I have a great deal of respect for most truckers. I've known my share of truckers who were idiots, a**hole, and dangerous jerks, but for the most part truckers are a great bunch. They work long hours under a lot of pressure and still manage to laugh off the nasty way a lot of people think of them. In most cases truckers are notoriously underpaid and totally unappreciated.
imsophie1 Forum Posts (501)
RE: Hard to judge
Might not have been as big a waste as you think. Through all that, what did you learn about yourself? About people in general? About our world?I recently "wasted" a few months meeting, getting to know, and keeping in touch with a man. We were making plans for getting closer and having a good time. For the last 6 weeks of our acquaintance, we spoke on the phone daily (sometimes multiple times a day). One day he simply didn't call. He didn't answer when I called him. I sent e-mail with questions I had. No response. My final e-mail to him was simply to wish him well and to thank him for allowing me to share a small part of his life.
This incident taught me a few things about myself (including the fact that I can be a bit over-cautious at times). It taught me something about people in general (some look at others in their lives as being disposable with no feelings). It taught me something about our world (won't elaborate on that one). All of life is a learning experience. When we stop learning, we die (not the other way around).
Life is much too short to waste time and energy harboring ill will toward others, no matter how you've been wronged. Acknowledge the lessons you've learned from each experience, accept them, and move on.
Don't just look; see.
Don't just listen; hear.