Dementia Poetry (71)

What do I do, what direction do I turn
When all hope fails and you're the one getting burned
Shall I dance with shadows that fall across the floor
Or find the one i'm destined to be with forever more
But there's so much distrust, too much pain
Broken and shattered, my heart always filled with shame
Just to be complete, make me feel whole
Instead of feeding me your lies while you rape my soul
Where is all the love, has it faded away
There is no more sunshine, it is clouded by the rain
And as the rain falls, so do these tears
Just an emotional breakdown because of the past few years
I don't want to give up, so i keep my head high
And will keep searching for her, til the day I die

Love, what is that
Is it worth dying for
What you feel within your heart
Well I don't have a heart anymore
There it lies, broken and bleeding
Lying dead on the floor
And the time has come to say
That I don't need you anymore

So build your walls
And I'll build mine
Then we'll see which one
Crumbles away with time
You have your reasons
And I have my beliefs
But now I see
That I'm not what you need

Life has seemed to pass me by
I feel so alone
Once so full of life
A gentle heart turned to stone
I have lost all desire
And cannot face my fears
I struggle to cope
Cause I'm drowning in my tears

So I close my eyes
And pray for death to comfort me

Never thought it would be this way
I close my eyes to a black day
Lost all hope and swallowed my pride
Lying on my bed, waiting to die
But as I open my eyes
Death has escaped me

Time goes by
As my patience wears thin
Always back to the place
Where I begin
My soul is yearning
To be set free
And break these chains
That contain me

So I close my eyes
And wish for death to come for me

Never thought it would end this way
I close my eyes to a black day
A suicide note by my side
Swallowing pills, waiting to die
And as I open my eyes
Death has taken me

~Oh God what have I done
~Now I'm gnashing my teeth
~And biting my tongue
~Begging for forgiveness
~But now it's too late
~I halved my life
~And decided my fate
~And as I scream
~The fire consumes me

I was driving down the road when I heard a plop
My car bounced and I slammed on the brakes to stop
It was a cold rainy night so I could barely see
But there it was, a mangled dog, in front of me
I just stood there watching til his breathing stopped
Felt sick to my stomach as my heart dropped
Got back in my car, made it to town
Went to a local car wash, were no one was around
I washed off the blood and guts as I held my head in shame
Watching his remains go down the drain

You're just so wonderful
I'm taken back
Smitten, hopeless, and falling
I don't know how to act
Just the soft touch of your skin
Made me drift to a different shore
Where I was lost in your beauty
With a kiss that was to die for
I know you've been hurt
And you may have your doubts
But soon you will see
What I'm truly all about
How your heart is a priority
And I will treasure it as my own
How my love is unconditional
And I will give you a happy home
But all of this is to say I miss you
More than I could ever forsee
And I'll be sitting here waiting, praying
For the day you come back to me

Feathers from their wings fall from the sky
Echoes of their screams reverberate through the clouds
One by one, you can see them falling
Murdered in numbers and in the blood they drown
It happened once before, said it would never happen again
But not even God could see this coming
Another war in Heaven is now upon us
And just the site of an angels's death to me is stunning
Broken wings, their smooth bodies impaled
Blood flowing freely from their open wounds
Is this the sign that every Christian has waited on
Does this mean that the return of Christ will be soon
I walk among them, their screams, some with vacant stares
And though I want to run, I can not look away
Tortured by the sight of so much horror
I pray God please wake me to another day
And now it is morning, the sun shining brightly
As I jump up from my bed
All my fear has suddenly vanquished
For this was all a dream inside my head

As the moon casts its shadow on fate
This twilight dims my expectations
And as the daring sun, approaches
The mirror reveals that this is not my reflection
I've grown into someone I fear
My past must suddenly be revealed
And as I wear this cloak of shame
I realize suddenly just how I feel

I want to dive into oblivion
Want to wash my mouth of disgust
And if I had wings I'd fly
Into the times of just us

So don't let your memories fade
For mine are carved in stone
And I know your heart is as easily broken
As the face of a porcelain doll

Is it too late to be forgiven
Can I cast these daggers from my eyes
It feels that I'm headed on a path of destruction
And the only thing left to do is die
With all these tears I've formed an ocean
And was washed ashore by the tital wave
And with your fear I've been stranded
But with your love I could be saved

I want to dive into oblivion
Want to wash my mouth of disgust
And if I had wings I'd fly
Into the times of just us

So don't let your memories fade
For mine are carved in stone
And I know your heart is as easily broken
As the face of a porcelain doll

Dear momma, forgive me for what I'm about to do
And try to realize, I'm not doing this because of you
I'm doing this because I live in a world I hate
In a world where people invade my thoughts and my dreams are raped
In a world where war is considered a game
In a world where so many Christians are fake
I want to leave this world because I can feel no love
And why pray, is there really anyone up above
And even if there is, I no longer care
Because now it's too late, to acknowledge anyone there
And momma, I love you, so please don't cry
You brought me into this world, but it's time for me to say goodbye
Th say life is what you make it, and I choose to die
By taking my own life, by committing suicide
Momma, wipe away your tears, there's nothing you can do
Just smile and remember that I'll always love you

Will you remember me
When I am gone
Will it be through memory
Or maybe a song
Will it be the smile
That I put on your face
When all you knew was misery
That my kindness quickly erased
Will you remember me
As if it were yesterday
Holding hands and kissing
Showing no shame
Or will you remember me
When we were kids
Playing in the sand
And all those silly dances we did
Or will it be as your lover
Making love as two souls unite
Feeling my breath on your skin
While I held on to you so tight
I think the way you'll remember me
Is through our childs' eyes
I'll forever be watching over you
Even long after I die

Sitting outside, waiting on you
But you left me, without a clue
Everyday is the same routine
Thinking maybe, you'd come back to me

But when it comes to this
It's you I really miss
When it comes to this
I still remember the first kiss
When it comes to this

I got the call, later that night
Tears welled up, I tried not to cry
I'm grateful in life, for all that you did
But held my head in sorrow when they lowered the coffins lid

And when it comes to this
It's you I really miss
When it comes to this
I still remember the last kiss
When it comes to this

The hallway creeks with every step
Like a maddening sound of whispering ghosts
I try so hard to be quiet, to be silent
But I can't because this house is so old
They say a murder happened here
An uncle that committed the ultimate sin
Killing his niece and nephew, slicing thier throats
With the glass from a broken bottle of gin
When asked to explain why, he smiled
And told the reporters it was the devils work
That he was just an innocent bystander
That he couldn't control his body as it lurked
But that was twenty years ago
And you can still see the blood stained walls
Sometimes it's as if you still can hear thier screams
Echoing down the forbidden halls
So enter if you boldly dare
There is no certainty of your return
For this house has been condemned to hell
And surely your soul will burn

Day after day
Night after night
Dreams that escape
Are taken to new heights
Promise me one thing
And I shall promise too
Would you die for me
I would die for you

Day after day
Night after night
See I had kept my promise
But it was your hand
That twisted the knife