Dementia Poetry (71)

How many times must I turn my cheek
To your hatefulness and your deciet
How many times must I give you my advice
When I too, am so weak
How many times must you try
To prove how much better you are than me
How many times have I dried
Your tears when you would weep
How many times will you say
That I'll never be happy in this life
How many times have I stopped you
From cutting your wrists with that knife
How many times will it take
I can't forever be there holding your hand
So how many more times til
You finally stand up for yourself and be a man

I stand on the highest mountain
And look down at the world around me
Insects, they seem, running about
Lusting and chasing each other sinfully
Oh how I use to be a mortal and dwell
On too many things out of my reach
Forever believing that there was a God
Because that's what the scholars would teach
Now understand, I had done my deeds
The expectations of a righteous man
But now everything is taken, everything is gone
Oh Lord, I do not understand
Was it because you were envious
Of a man that had a heart that was so pure
Unleashing upon me, Your great wrath
Knowing that I did not have the cure
Chastise me, once again
For today my heart has become black
And on the highest mountain, today I stand
And on God, I turn my back

What if I was beginning to fall for you
Would you neglect my heart
Would you tear it apart
What if I offered my undying love
And promised to never hurt you
That's the last thing I would ever do
What if I offered to give myself unto you
My heart, my being, my soul
My warmth to keep you from the cold
What if I held open my arms
Would you run into my embrace
And let me kiss the tears from your face
What if I asked you to be mine
Would you open your heart to let me in
Would this be the day our life began

As I look up from my graven home
The stars align, side by side
A hungry dog, searching for a bone
Lies down next to me, as a rose wilted, ready to die
The baby next to me cries
As it reaches upward toward Heaven
A bright light burns my eyes
As the golden gate swings open
People gather around me
My mother, with tears in her eyes
I reach for her, but can't grasp
All because of my suicide

Forget it, I'm tired of thinking
Can't put up with your out of control drinking
You promised, even through clenched teeth
That you would stop, just for me
But that was too much to ask of you
And your lies just cover the truth
I can't live on false hopes anymore
So I must ask you to leave, there's the open door

Love the way you smile
Love the way you laugh
Love the way you told me you loved me
Then tore my heart in half
Love the way you move
Love the way you walk
Love how I sewed your lips shut
So you could no longer talk

As I lye on the bed, thinking of you
I pray to a God, that no longer hears me
And I look down at my heart, that was once filled with love
Only to notice that it has turned black and is decaying
Would this shotgun in my hand, scatter my thoughts
Leaving a crimson stain, on this white wall behind me
Or would this knife leave a deeper scar, deeper than the one you left behind
Some may call it suicide, but I say I'm ending my misery
A tear escapes my eye, leaving its salty trail
And I am once again filled with loneliness and regret
You see, it was my love for you that filled this void in my life
But now it seems that you want me to walk away and try to forget
That's something I can't do 'cause you're in my dreams
These visions of you are so very clear
And I do hope you find love with someone, even if it's not with me
Though it's you, I wish was here
But tomorrow I may be gone
Leaving behind someone I care so much about
And though my love for you is strong and never-ending
I can't be with someone that has lesser faith and plenty of doubt
This is why I no longer want to live
It's not your fault, I'm just tired of trying
And maybe someday, you'll learn to love me too
But it'll probably be when I have forgotten love and started dying

I feel myself slipping
Further away from the truth
No sense of understanding
Take me away from you
These words don't come easy
A taste of what's to come
Inject me with your pain
Cause there's nowhere else to run

But I don't care
About this, about that
About you, about me
I only feel real
When I start to bleed
So take your ideas
And go your own way
I know I was right
But see I've made my mistakes

There's no more trust
Of a world that is so cold
I keep on reaching
With nothing left to hold
I look for the answers
Of why I can feel no more
I hate what I've become
There's nothing left to live for

But I don't care
About this, about that
About you, about me
I only feel real
When I start to bleed
So take your ideas
And go your own way
I know I was right
But see I've made my mistakes

No matter where I want to go
It's never where I should be
Shadows cast thier familiar faces
On the darker side of me

But oh how I wish I could fly
Into a different light
But I guess I'd have to close my eyes
And wait to see....

But no matter where I want to go
It's never where I should be
Shadows cast thier familiar faces
On the darker side of me

But what if I were to be a feather
And had to close my eyes to see
That life will never be better
When society poisons my dreams

But no matter where I want to go
It's never where I should be
Shadows cast thier familiar faces
On the darker side of me

I want to leave this world
Leave it all behind
And I want to have wings, in case
I decided to fly
But I'd rather die, I'd rather die
Than to have to face, another day
And I want to make you cry, just cry
It has to end this way

Just set black roses on my grave
That's the least you can do
After all I gave
I tried to be so perfect for you
But there's nothing I could do
It has to be this way

I see your beauty for the first time
Basked by the radiance of the moon
In the distance, I hear the wolves howling
Singing together in a perfect, horrifying tune
But you do not see me standing there
For I am constantly a distance from your gaze
A shadow amongst many forgotten souls
See I shall never die, I'll live forever and a day
What I thought was my salvation is my curse
For there is no life that runs through these veins
And I yearn to feel with a full heart
But I cannot feel anything but misery and pain
Maybe I need a companion, a partner
To die by me and be born of darkness anew
That's why I'm right here waiting
Because I can see the pain and hurt that becomes you
I will give you the option to live forever
I will not force my will upon your life
But you will feel no more pain, guilt, or hurt
If you become my undead wife

Do you remember why
You and I fell in love
You said that I would make you happy
And I believed you were my angel from above
Do you remember the day
When I first looked into your eyes
I promised unto you my heart
And to love you 'til the day that I die
Do you remember what
We would always laugh about
You use to say that I was crazy
But when it came to love, there were no doubts
Do you remember when
You said you'd love me forever
And that no matter what happened
We would always be together
Do you remember the time
When you last looked into my eyes
You knew that I would love you, always
But still you said goodbye