Dementia Poetry (71)

Love can be a sinister thing
Like listening to church bells ring
While you are stoned
Why can't we just be ourselves
And be like no one else
Who has ever come and gone
Why try to fake a smile
Knowing all the while
That happiness isn't there
Is it not better to have loved and lost
Be it whatever the cost
Than to have false memories to share
See you left me on one wounded knee
Your words constantly severing
Every valve in my heart
Should've known we wouldn't last
Figured it out after my fourth bypass
That we're better being apart
So this is my last goodbye
No more tears left to cry
I've shed them all
At least I'll leave with my pride
And my head held high
No longer will I fall...
(For your lies)

Woke up to a thought
That never crossed my mind before
You and me, we finally
Even up the final score
So many ways to break up
That you no longer try anymore
In the moonlight I saw you cry
Like so many times before

And I wonder now
If I could've saved you somehow

But can't you see, it wasn't me
I never meant to hurt you this way
In the park with a broken heart
I'll never forget the day
The tragedy that wasn't meant to be
Unfolded before my very eyes
Stubborn hopes only kept you afloat
And you never even said goodbye

Now days go by so slow
And all I can do now is think
Even ships, solidly built
Can crash and suddenly sink
We must have been so blind
Not to see the missing link
We all have addictions
But you never would give up the drink

And I wonder now
If I could've saved you somehow

But can't you see it wasn't me
I never meant to hurt you this way
In the park with a broken heart
I'll never forget the day
The tragedy that wasn't meant to be
Unfolded before my very eyes
Stubborn hopes only kept you afloat
And you never even said goodbye

And the tragedy
Is that you wouldn't believe...

This is for my father
Who was never there
Who never even took a second
To show how much he cared
So he can just sit back
And listen to what I have to say
See I've made my mistakes
And had a price to pay
But never would I ever
Do the things that you did
And never would I ever
Betray my own kid
All the lies you've told
All the secrets you've held
I know that you wouldn't even care
If I was burning in Hell
But that's ok
Because now it's all in the past
And now when I look at you
I sit back and I laugh
And who would've thought
I'd be in this situation
Graduating from high school to jail
And it's fifteen years that I'm facing
I'm not gonna lie
Sometimes I want to break down and cry
Over one little mistake
I end up losing my life
And sometimes, dad, I think
That if you would've been there
Then maybe life at times
Wouldn't seem so unfair
But I've said all I can say
Did all I could do
I just hope you realize, one day
This child belongs to you

Why did you walk away from me
Didn't you see, that we were supposed to be
Together, forever I thought
But it was just a story I'd bought
From a book store down on East Main
And you were so beautiful
I thought you could be the one
So our life began
And you began to show me everything
About your soul
And as the time had passed
I thought we would last
But then one cold night
You turned to me and said
Get the hell out of here
It's not what I wanted to hear
But I saw that look in your eyes
As you were starting to cry
You said things had changed
That you just didn't feel the same
I didn't know what to say
Your words cut me in every way
So I said baby please
Would you explain this to me
How did we get to this point
What made you come to this
Was it something I said
Or maybe something I should have did
But you shook your head and cried
And said that everytime you told me
You loved me, it was just a lie
Those words tore a hole in my pride

As I walk through the shadows
And gaze across the fields
I turn to look at you
And realize my love is real
My heart beats for you
With an everlasting desire
My love, so strong that
I can walk, untouched, through Hell's fire
A love so pure
That when I close my eyes
There is no more darkness
You have given me a light
You are my angel
And I wish you to never depart
Just come and wrap your wings
Gently around my heart

Down a dirt road, I ride
Trying to forget and clear my mind
But thoughts are not easy to fade
When I remember you say
That I am nothing
And you want something
More than I can give
Why do I even live
You want someone like me
You just don't want me
I feel like this disgusting thing
You hold your nose up in front of me
Like you can't breathe
Like I'm the disease
Do I mean anything
According to you, nothing
So as I drive, I think
And my heart sinks
It's become a bottomless pit
Where in all this do I fit

For someone so beautiful, you died so young
Didn't give a moments notice and you're life had just begun
I remember the things that you would do in the past
Mutilate your body with a bloody knifes' slash
You would write dark poetry that only few could read
An outward way angel that felt like the bad seed
I know your reasons for taking your life, for what's been done
But that doesn't make me feel better, you left behind a son
Your father could've kept his hands to himself, I know he's a bastard
And his daughters heart, your heart, he twisted and shattered
I tried to be there for you, tried to console your shame
I still remember the nights that i would cry with you in the rain
And now you're gone, one less diamond to shine in this world of sorrow
I will always love and miss you, holding onto your memory like there's no tomorrow

oh hear we go again with another one of my sob stories
how i got my heart murdered and was left gory
but it's all my fault, i put myself in these situations
always trusting, loving, thinking I've found the equation
then the sun hides behind a cloud as the storm comes
believing every word she said, boy was i dumb
i feel numb, i think my heart has had a stroke
and suddenly i can't breathe as your words start to choke
every last hope i had of you being there for me
and now it's raining razorblades, but i was prepared to bleed
it's not like I've never been hurt before, you'd think I'm addicted to pain
and if so, I'll weather the storm, let it rain, let it rain

I bare my soul to you
And you tear me down to the bone
I was always there for you
Whenever you would call and didn't want to be alone
I gave my all to you
And you took it and gave it to someone else
I opened my heart to you
But you treated it as a used book on a forgotten shelf
Now I close my eyes to you
For I cannot stand to see the deciet in your eyes
And I close my heart to you
No longer will you tell me you love me with beautiful lies
No longer will I be there for you
Call someone else that you can twist to your sickness
I won't be crawling back to you
Because I know your kind and your kind is wicked

She walks into the room
Hair all matted and array
She asks for a dollar
"Go away", they all say
She hates to beg
But feels she hasn't a choice
Life hasn't been so kind
To this girl with a quivering voice
Torn, ragged clothes
All this rejection
No one stops to think
That she just might need affection
All they see is a bum
Some might say white trash
But they do not know that
Her parents died in a car crash
And she was left homeless
Left alone in a rude world
Where no one seems to care
About an orphaned girl
She has been abused by words
Raped in a dark alley
They know not her name
But I do, it's Sally
Her home now is on a street
Shared by so many
And people pass her by
Without even offering her a penny
But this is the world we live in
Some people never change
They are so consumed with themselves
That they don't acknowledge her pain
I haven't seen her in days
Til I turned on the picture tube
And there she was
On the 10 o'clock news
Beaten and raped
Her body found at a pier
Stop and think how would you feel
If it was someone you hold dear
What if it were your child
Your daughter left on the street
Would you have gave her that dollar
So that she could eat

Today is the day I acknowledge my own defeat
My struggle within has come to a hault as I finally see
That a world so beautiful has its shades of gray
And if you let it, it'll rip your soul til nothing else remains
I have loved blindly and I have hidden behind my walls
I have held my head up high only to watch myself fall
The truth is out there but is hidden behind so many lies
It's like a hideous demon thats wearing a charming disguise
I sit here juggling and weighing the worth of my life
How can I continue to open up my heart when I feel dead inside
Maybe I should just close my eyes and let it fade away
But the pain never truly heals, it's here to stay
So many mistakes, so many things I'd take back
Wish I could go back in time to stop my heart from turning black
There will always be a struggle within, always be a thorn in my side
How can I continue to live when I feel dead inside

I have nothing to offer but the best of me
Nothing special, just a heart that still beats
Though it has been broken and shattered
My emotions are still served on a silver platter
I'll never be perfect, perfection is a dream
Love, laughter, and passion are the best parts of me
I'm the type to listen to your every word
Not ignore you, put you down, or make you hurt
You have been through alot, I have too
But you'll have that person to love you for you
Someone that'll make you smile for the rest of your days
At least I'd try, I'm silly that way
I hope you don't take offense to these words
I'm just a guy that doesn't want you to hurt
Love and laughter are the cure to a broken heart
But you are so beautiful, I wouldn't know where to start
Maybe first by looking into your eyes to see your soul
And take it day by day, to let the emotions grow