Dementia Poetry (71)

Like shadows on the wall, it's hard to ignore
That love is one thing people search for
And those that have it sometimes don't know
For there are those who never do show
And some are like an open book being read
Some will carry their love to the grave when they are dead
And some will lose love for others to find
And some are meant to be, with their souls entwined
I will find true love one day, this I'm sure
Because I love with an open heart that is pure
I'm non judgemental, for beauty comes from within
To judge on just outward beauty, to me is a sin
You never know that person til you take the time
And outward beauty is superficial, like a dozen to a dime
That's why I close my eyes when I look at you
Cause I want to know your heart, and look at you with a different view

I've been through the pain
Stood in the rain
With tears falling down
Leaving that familiar trace
My heart has been broken
Words have been left unspoken
I hold them all inside
And it feels as if I'm choking
I've swallowed my pride
Took it all in stride
Beaten, battered, and abused
But yet, I still rise
There's so much more to give
That's my reason to live
And though my trust is shaken
I give it my all, still
In my heart there's so much love
As beautiful as a thousand doves
That's singing a melody
For an angel meant for me up above
My emotions are hard to hide
For this is what i feel inside
Please, no more abuse and pain
Help me, to once again, feel alive
This is my prayer
For that someone out there
Someone that's meant for me
Someone that can actually care
Please try to understand
That I'm not the perfect man
But I'll give you my all
And always offer my helping hand

Demons have kissed me with thier poisonous lips
And I too have become aware of what's premature
Being tempted to slay God upon the throne he sits
For envious reasons, damned if I were to discuss them
But visions came to me, they robbed my mind
Took my sanity and showed me my grave
My eyes started bleeding and I became blind
For hideous reasons, I cannot discuss them
So now I am a beggar, for money and for food
People point, laugh, and cast thier stones
And now every thought that enters my mind is cruel
For vengeful reasons, I will not discuss them
I stood at Hell's door while knocking on Heaven's gate
"Let me in", I cried, as the shadows gathered around
Begged for forgiveness but was never forgave
For ungrateful reasons, I shall not discuss them
Then both doors opened, from Heaven and from Hell
The bright light burned my eyes, yet the fire soothed me
And a voice called out, "You have no soul to sell"
"Why", I asked, and He said, "Because you disgust me"

Even as I write this, I know I'll be criticized
But I don't really care because this is what I feel inside
I just wish I could erase these thoughts in my head
Waking up to another dreadful morning, wishing I was dead
I use to be full of hope and love, now I'm angry and sour
I feel like a rat in a cage full of snakes, waiting to be devoured
And it's not like i haven't thought of suicide, hell a couple of times I tried
Once with a shotgun in my mouth, that jammed, and the other with a dulling kitchen knife
It just feels like I have a thousand demons digging through my brain
Feasting on every memory of happiness until nothing else remains
And my mother, God bless her soul, tells me to turn all my problems over to the Lord
But with every passing second, it seems I question Him more and more
Damnit, I can't take it, my heart no longer feels and my soul is torn
And asking me to go to church would be like asking a nun to do porn
It just won't happen because my faith has been replaced with doubt
And I won't go just to be seen because that's not what it should be about
There's too many hypocrits in this world and I've never been part of the "in crowd"
So I'll just keep hoping that one day God will hear me before my misery causes me to drown

I see their eyes as they cast judgement on me
Just because I am not what they expect me to be
Not normal, they say, with their noses upturned
If today was the end, then shurely I would burn
But they know not my heart, who I am inside
Just because of my tattoos and views they push me aside
But I never truly wanted to be normal, normality is plain
And if I were anything closely resembling them I'd be driven insane
Yes I have my opinions and yes I express them out loud
But what makes you think that you are always right, what makes you so proud
Is it because you have had more success in life with worldly things
Look in the mirror at yourself for you too are a fallen angel with broken wings
No one is perfect, I once said perfection is a dream
Everyone is patchwork, flawed and having to be reseamed
That is only saying, that everyone has experienced pain in their life
You learn from your mistakes and learn to do what is right
And if you don't learn from your mistakes, down the hole you go
Deeper into lies and dispare hurting whomever you may know
So don't look at me thinking you are better, for I have a soul too
But I don't make excuses for my imperfections, wish I could say the same for you
I've learned to take what life gives you and to enjoy the things you can
And when the stormy weather is over, learn to be a better man

My eyes decieve me as i look in the mirror
For the glass is fogged and is no longer clearer
I see a face, distorted, filled with hate
Of this world I live in, is this my fate
I use to smile more, use to be able to love
Use to believe in miracles and of angels above
Use to be awed by the sight of people kissing
Now it just reminds me of what i am missing
Not that I'm jealous, I haven't a jealous streak in my bone
It's the thought of knowing, that I may forever be alone
And as I look at myself, the hate continues to grow
I shall tell you of my hate, for you should know
I hate the politicians who control people with their lies
I hate so-called christians who hide behind sinful eyes
And what about the pastors who pray with the bible in their hands
But when it's night time put on their hood for the klu klux klan
I see so much hatred and racism, so much I can't take it
But still I manage to smile, I've practiced enough to fake it
And people wonder why I'm down, they same I'm not the same
After years of personal torture, that person no longer remains
Do I have love in my heart, yes, but not like before
It has narrowed down to those who deserve it and the one I'm meant for
Many people will hate my thoughts and be taken back by my views
But tell me, how will you feel, when the world has forsaken you?

I went and sat in the rain, wondering why
Hasn't that someone special came into my life
I've been through enough pain, when will it be my time
To hold that woman dear to my heart and know that she's mine
Do you hear me God or am I talking to myself
I don't know what else to do, I have nothing left
Then the clouds became dark and the rain stopped
The thunder started to rumble and the lightening popped
Then one cloud glowed white, whiter than snow
And a voice called down to me that I did not know
He said that He had heard my prayers through all these years
And that I should quit sitting in the rain, concealing my tears
The sky cleared and every cloud became white
I saw one distant star, far away in the night
Then He said that He would answer my prayer
That no longer would I have to search for my someone out there
The star came nearer until it became a blinding light
I have sent you an angel, He said, now open your eyes
As I did, I gasped for breath, I could not breathe
For in front of me was the most beautiful woman that i had seen
Her eyes enchanting, her hair long and black
A face so serene, that I had to take a step back
A body caressed by Heaven, a smile that could end a war
Here she is, the unknown voice said, the one you've been looking for
Treat her with kindness, love her with all your heart
Let your souls be entwined, less you die, never part
Take care of this angel, she was meant for you
I have sent her unto you because now you know what to do
I put you through all the pain to open your eyes
I might've made you struggle but I knew you would survive
And now you know your heart better than ever before
And with that said, I didn't hear His voice anymore
I turned to you, took your hand and placed it on my chest
Do you feel my heart beating, I asked, it's yours until death
Just please don't hurt me for I am still a fragile man
And I heard you say, I won't, I'll love you the best I can
Then I kissed your angelic lips and it erased all my doubts
I had finally figured out what love was all about
My prayer had been answered, my dream come true
The day God sent me an angel, the day He sent me you

The day has come, the time is here
Wilted petals give way and the end draws near
People say their last goodbyes
And sadness becomes those who use to smile
Children are crying, mothers hold them close
Always reminding them that they love them the most
It's always a sad day when someone dies
Some hold in their pain, others cry
Even after death, the pain is not gone
But it's those left behind that keeps us moving on

How can you say you love me
When you're not around
I can see you from a distance
But you're a picture with no sound
I just wanted to love you
And show you a better life
You even had said yes
When I asked you to be my wife
But over time things changed
And your heart grew cold
I still remember your laugh
And you running into my arms to hold
I see you're still running
But now you are running away
Into the arms of another man
And you laugh at my pain
But I still want you to be happy
Because my love was true
And now matter how you try to hurt me
I hope everything happens for you
Maybe one day, just maybe
You'll realize what you lost with me
But I won't be here waiting
Cause now I see we're not meant to be
I'll forever cherish what we had
Even though it didn't last
But it's time for me to move on because
You can't have a future if you live in the past

You asked me why I loved you
So what should I say
There's too many reasons to name
I love you in so many different ways
What if I said it was because
You're the one I've always dreamed of
The one, it took years to find
My fallen angel from above
What if I said it was because
Of the way that you make me feel
How you make me feel so important
And how we share a love that's real
What if I said I love you because
You have the most beautiful smile
And that all my waiting upon you
Every bit of it, worthwhile
What if i said it was because
I couldn't imagine you not in my life
I want to be with you forever
I want you to be my wife
What if I said I love you because
You are a dream come true
And that i would give my love to no one else
Because I'll die, forever loving you

Forever in debt, to a faceless regret
The wind brings sin to numerous men
The storm is wretching, the branches are breaking
New faces, distant places, desolate spaces
Seeing wicked smiles for thousands of miles
An empty heart was broken in the dark
And whether the weather be better than never
It always rains, there's always pain
Deepest desires are consumed by fires
And tears leave fears that remain for years
Though the winds change, everything remains the same
In the darkest hours, there blooms the blackest flowers
There are paths that lead to a better need
Where there is chance, for love, song, and dance
Plenty are the many thoughts filled with pity
Of a world that's sad, of things never had
Children killing, never a thought of living
Evil reigns in the rain as the tears stain
Rememberance of love from legions of angels above
But then dreams were raped, lost hope and faith
The storm rises again, causing confusion within
All I have is prayer, needing you to be there

Have you ever wished the day would come
To where you wish your life would cease to exist
Maybe for reasons such as feeling lost or empty
Or maybe because you loaned out your heart knowing you took a risk
I believe I fall into both of those categories
I feel as I'm sitting and staring at myself from a distant shore
I keep hearing myself saying, Oh be still my heart
I know I've helped create every scar, but that shall not happen anymore
I feel as if I'm just a former shell of myself
So hollow and empty, waiting for true love to fill my soul
Someone that would bring back the joy in my life
Someone I couldn't live without because they make me feel whole
I just want to be able to hear the words I love you
And know they come from their heart, not just their lips
I don't want a love that's created because it's convenient
I've done been there and sailed that ship
It took years for me to learn to love myself
There are things I'd still change but I know I'm beautiful on the inside
I've bettered myself and still have a will to live
I just want someone true and honest, to stand with me throughout this life