My sister's cat, fully grown but still the size if a kitten
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Saturday morning I woke up in a hurry, dressed up quietly, got my lunch ready, took the dog, and then rushed to the garage where I attached the boat to my jeep and I was on my way.
Unfortunately the weather was terrible so I had to head back home and park the car back in the garage. The weather channels announced no improvement whatsoever so I decided to get back in the house. I undressed again and I sneaked next to my wife whispering:
"Terrible weather outside..."
She replied "Can you believe my husband is stupid enough to go fishing on this storm?"
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
One day, a mum was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found a bondage-S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She showed it to her husband. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?" The dad looked at her and said, "Well whatever you do, don't spank him!"
A blonde was asked what the capital of California was, she replied "the big "C".
Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes ?
A: Knock on the hatch
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in your closet??
A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
One day a blonde was walking down the street. When a police officer stopped her and said miss did you realize that your blouse is open and your cleavage is hanging out. She replied oh my god I left the baby on the bus.
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using a dishwasher?
A. It's clogged up with paper plates.
Q: Why don't blondes know how to write the number "11"?
A: They don't know which "1" comes first!
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: It kept falling out!
If any of this hits too close to home, its time to leave
A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!"
"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...
"Oh really, I can't," he replies, "My wife loves this beard!"
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.
That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies, "Oh Tom, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"