Alone

My most recent relationship failed after 4 days of being together. I think what I did wrong was…nothing. At this point I have learned enough from dating to know what not to do. I’m over it. If a man doesn’t want to invest his time into me then he’s not worth it. I’m back with a vengeance. Lol not really. It just sounded cool to say. I’m back with a cool air. Keep it low key they say. You don’t want to be high maintenance now they say. Guess what? I do not care. I know I’m not high maintenance. If I appear any way at any given moment it was just how I was feeling at that moment. I’m so tired of not being able to be myself. That’s all I feel relationships are. Gotta be someone else to hook em’. No I do not. I highly disagree. You get to the point where you date so much that being alone takes on a whole new meaning. In a sense that you can have peace and freedom…and happiness. It’s possible and I’m not going to let anyone tell me differently.

I get joy now doing things for myself. The last 5 days my resting heart rate has lowered from pushing myself in the gym daily. I signed up for a CPR course on Friday so that I can advance professionally. I’m doing things that are important to my mental health and growth. It’s a real challenge just to keep the environment around me clean. It’s a daily struggle. I get a sense of fulfillment when I actually do keep it clean. I may not be where everyone else is in life but feeling my own sense of achievement is what’s important to me. I don’t compare anymore. I can’t. It gets me down every time.

Oh and I have long flowing mermaid hair again. Very happy about that. And there are no knots. Lol. Having hair this long can get stinking difficult.