How do you love again

if this means anything, think ur a great person, know you from chat...i'm the cute one... havent been there for a while, but from wat i know..u have a very great heart and ar a very good person and any woman would be so fortunate to be in ur company....

well, mr......quit giving and giving and start receiving and living life.. everyone we meet in life provide us with certain tools to learn about ourselves (sometimes unfortunately)...and omg den, does it hurt, yes, to the point where u cant move, yes, self absorbed about them constantly, yes, and can't sleep yes etc.... and no one gets it unless ur in it... buttttttt.....sunshine, ur beautiful, and i hope weand u deserve the best, cuz dam it so do i...lol....will totally stay in touch....

Wow, you seem to have great sensitivity and warmth, Den. I agree with Smitten, if we give but feel uncomfortable receiving, we will attract "takers" that will show us the imbalance of that way of thinking.

Giving and receiving are like breath, the inhale is as important as the exhale. So give as you feel inspired to and receive with great appreciation. A woman who mirrors that behavior will enter your life and that will be fun fun fun!!!

For now, give yourself all that you were giving her. Know that the people you care about, and who care about you, are sending you love and wishes for your renewed happiness.

DMac-



It is hard....I guess I would say don't ever lose sight of who you truly are, and how you want to treat someone. Don't hold back those things on the next woman, if the feelings are there....just be more careful to see the signs that the woman is taking advantage of you.....or not recipricating the same feelings. I think its all about timing...

But I know how you feel...been there. Well, actually, the one guy I thought I actually loved at one time, in hindsight, I dont think I really ever did. Im not sure. So maybe Ive never been in love?

Haha who knows. Ive had something close......but the only love that I have ever known to be true and honest is that of my family and friends....

Keep your head up

Hey Dennis. Rather than inflict my usual comedic drivel upon you,
I wish that you feel much better about yourself and the past.

However, in the future I advise you not to give so much, where it is unappreciated and un-returned. Instead, give a tiny bit and SEE if that is returned/appreciated. If so, give a tiny bit more and slowly raise the intensity and investment (of time, emotions, etc..) If not reciprocated and appreciated, invest your time & efforts where it IS appreciated & reciprocated (elsewhere). Otherwise, you are more likely to push someone away from you, than convince them that they should reciprocate.

To love someone is to truly understand them, not overwhelm them.

May your future relationship be mutual & long lasting.

Den, you did fine on your post. I know this sounds old fashioned but it is true, things have a way of working out and you will be able to love again.
It's time that heals most of our hurts.

Sometimes, you have to step back and see what is really going on.
I can tell you want her to love you and treat you like you do for her.
But it doesn't sound like that is happening. The only one who can change is her by herself.

There are two ways to go. Keep torturing yourself because you can't reach her or let her go. Sure you will really hurt then, because that is why you are reaching out so much. But it will end the pain you are going through. Then you go into denial, grief, anger, and then getting back to normal stage.

Please keep on reaching out to us. You will get through this.

Everyone who has responded to you, will again. You just need to write how you are feeling, and then, you will get a response. You are not alone.

Linda

There has always been this axiom that it is better to give than to receive. The truth is, if we are an empty vessel, we have nothing to give. We must feed ourselves first.

Once upon a yogi time there was a man whose wife was crippled. The village in which they lived was becoming increasingly dangerous so the man decided to take his wife up into the hills and ensconce her safely in a cave. Every day he would walk down into town and beg for bread. He would selflessly bring the bread back to his wife and give it to her to eat. This continued day after day, until one day he collapsed and died of starvation on his way down the hill. His wife didn't know what happened to him and as she was lame, she could not help herself. She starved to death as well.


I have been in your shoes Den. I was always giving all I had in a relationship. I discovered after much self study that giving can actually be very selfish. It is a form of control, always being the giver and not allowing anyone to give to you. There is great joy that we deprive another when we are unable to receive.

Please know I am not saying that you are doing this. It just sounds, from your blog, that maybe, just maybe, it might be part of the issue.

My heart is already dead

Hey man. I know what are going through. I have been through exactly the same thing. Been through the fear and the overwhelming feeling of insecurity. The girl I was with was the kind who rarely showed her love and was the so emotionally detached that I was wishing all the time that I didn't love her so much. I just couldn't face the pain of breaking up with her. We reached a point in our relationship were we were engaged. I perfectly understand how it feels when u are completely and utterly invested emotionally in someone and u feel that u are giving and giving and receiving just so little but because of that so little u feel that there is hope and someday things will be better, but it is this "so little" that keeps u hooked and keeps ur love flowing and keeps u hoping.

I don't believe that u are too blame. U reacted according to the feelings that u had. Those feelings are you, who you are. If u react differently then that is not who you are. Weighing every thing u say and do according to some rules means that u will not be yourself and if the other persons loves that way, then she would have loved someone else, not the real you. I believe that is the main reason where people keep saying that the person they married is not the person they fell in love with.

On the other hand I would not blame her either. She reacted according to her feelings. If she hurt you now ( and believe me, I know how hard and debilitating the pain can be) on the long run this is better for you and for her. i would blame her if she gave promises and never kept them. Or if she said that she felt a certain way and showed something else. Or if she took advantage of the situation to make her life easier while knowing how u felt about her. Dishonesty is the only thing that a person could be blamed for, not the way he( or she ) feels.

Every action we take or word we say comes from an awareness. A state of being that is a mix of personality, temperament, character, present situation and past events. That is what makes us who we are. And that is the person who loves and is loved.

The pain you are feeling will diminish with time. You know yourself now. You know what you want and what you do not want.
I have not loved again, but I have seen people in our situation who loved again and they all told me that the pain leaves its traces on your heart but it doesn't prevent you from loving again.

Den, I was thinking about you and Drea! Both from Florida, both insightful, loving people! You two should consider meeting! JMO

You did not fail! Relationships come and go. Who knows what the purpose of it was for you? You have learned what you needed to learn from it (hopefully) and now you are meant to move on to a more open and mutually satisfying partnership (unless you didn't get the lesson, then repeating it with someone new will happen). Sounds like you are exactly where you need to be. I can tell you are a person who is well loved!

Dennis, what you see in the comments to your blog, is your "Gold" being reflected back to you. There must be an absolutely amazing woman waiting out there for you! Maybe the woman you are speaking of will realize how utterly insane she is to have let you go. Or maybe she does not feel worthy of your love... but you are a gift! Anyone can see it/feel it. The best is yet to come!

hey den, just wanted to pop in and say, hope u doing okay..

Your future's so bright, I see, you gotta wear shades! Sorry couldn't resist!

that was very nice words ,very deep and sincere too.i have been down the same path and if i knew the answer to your question i would love to share it with you.

Den, maybe that is what happens, we grief and grief, and then have to think of which direction we are going now since things change.

My ex husband, use to really care, gifts, flowers, handmade cards, and notes.
Then the wall went up and all of the above ended. I hated every holiday.
No one should have to go through that. I was struggling before the affair with him, nothing pleased him. So the affair made it very easy to say good bye. It destroyed everything. But I would have preferred him to have been a man about it. I do not think he ever realized the path of destruction his action created. But now I can breath again. Enjoy my animals, and my new life style. Still fixing one problem but that will be resolved. I too am looking towards the future. You have to.

The Dobe

You don't have to thank me, I am glad I could help. That is what friends are for.

You were also helping me, so lets say we helped each other, ok. I enjoy communicating with guys that show their real thoughts.

Den, I could relate with what you told me and you like wise. I think we both woke up. It should not be so hard. There should be joy and laughter, and even the other person wanting to be with us. If we aren't around each other, it should feel good to see each other again. Not the opposite.
When they don't appreciate us, it's time to walk away, and close the door.

We all know when it is working and not. The wrong person will enjoy setting us up. Then when we back away, it is funny how they come back. I guess they get insecure when they do not have someone around their finger.

Life is too short to waste it on someone who doesn't really want to be with us.

Tonight I'm going to a lecture on "Smart People, Foolish Choices". I think it will help me.

L