waiting

Patience is one of those things you have to teach yourself. there are no lessons in it. No special seminars on waiting. Oh we are told to be patient frequently. As kids, as teenagers, as young adults. But no one ever takes the next step and tells you how it is done.

I am actually pretty good at just sitting doing nothing. I do not fidget, shift in my seat,scratch my head, nose anything; sometimes I don't blink because it freaks people out if they are sitting opposite me and entertains me. Or I read. Anything from ads on buses and subway cars to tattoos.

Cereal boxes. Your newspaper over your shoulder. I never read books over peoples' shoulders as i read faster than most and it would be rude to turn your page before you are finished, newspapers I can column hop.

i spend a lot of time waiting at the moment. And although i actually have two things productive I could do i find it easier to be patient playing the neverending movie quiz on facebook. I am up to 20,000 points. And I have answered more questions wrong than right I think so that is a lot of questions.

it keeps me moving forward in my head instead of stopping to think thoughts that have no concrete posts to hitch to, angry conversations with my doctors that I will never have, For one thing they won't ever say the lines I give them and for another I cannot think of one advantage to pissing off the doctors who I need to LIKE me! It is going to be bad enough when I start agitating for nutritional and holistic treatments to supplement their regimens.

So I only left two messages today (2 differents docs) asking plaintively if there is any word on the biopsy results yet. Well actually I cannot do plaintive in real life, only in my head so I went with calm and polite instead.

And I am waiting. Perhaps this IS patient. Perhaps I have learned!