I like you. Come closer.
or ... I want to be alone. Stay away.We say and do things with everyone we meet that draws them closer or pushes them away. Sometimes we know what we're doing and our actions are deliberate. Sometimes we are just being ourselves... not thinking about what others see or feel and we give off a message of "come closer" or "stay away".
With your romantic partner, are you careful about your signals? Do you try to improve your signaling skills?
Do we get tired and push them away when we just don't have the energy to be with anyone but ourselves?
Do we unintentionally push our partners away from us... just a little bit each day... until they don't come close anymore?
Should we be careful about our signals?
This was on my mind this morning. I was in a relationship where I was pushed away, little by little. She didn't want me to leave but she rarely seemed to want me to be close. It's almost like she wanted a teddy bear she could hug when she needed a hug but would stay where she left it when she didn't need it.
Relationships are complicated but much of the complication melts away when you feel your partner likes you and wants you to come closer.
Comments (14)
a nicely written and provoking blog. I must admit I need to exercise my ability to communicate what I feel. 3 years being single after a bad breaking up kinda made me feel to comfortable being with my self. When I sense something wrong or not gonna work, I am easily just shut down my self. Usually I use this time to re-think and re-define what I need. Unfortunately, sometime the other party was not patience enough to wait, or maybe ask what's wrong. What often happen was we then went our separate ways. It's my homework, and I'm still working on it. Maybe the need of being with me is what you feel push you away or left the teddy bear when it's not needed.
So I need to gain trust before I can get a relationship, and that is not easy, I can tell.
We need to do a blog about 'creating our own moods'. You recently mentioned learning to create your mood in order to do your writing. I'm intrigued by this idea.
There's a time in the relationship when we can be caught in the middle... between being single and committing ourselves to the relationship. Some jump through this stage quick and other stop for too long... unsure of themselves... not trusting that new relationship is going to work ... I know this is a challenge for me and it seems it might be a challenge for you as well.
Can we say to them "I want you close to me." or do we just hint about it and keep ourselves comfortably distant?
lgs - The 2-headed lama of myth and legend! (well, at least it was in the Doctor Dolittle story
I understand the push/pull metaphor ... To feel drawn to your partner but also fearing being drawn to your partner.
How about this? ... Acknowledge your instincts... pause and consider... if the only objections you come up with are "myth and legend", then follow your instincts!
I'm creating my mood for writing by wandering around with my self, physically or just emotionally, that's usually when the other party thought I push him away, the truth is I just need sometime to be alone and be with me...
Time alone is important ... but how do we make sure our partner doesn't feel we are pushing them away?
Each couple needs to figure out their own communication. It would seem that there would be a way to let the other person know that your 'alone time' is for you and isn't a reaction to them or a message to them to stay away.
A few people I know mentioned that they like to read and need to be allowed time alone (undisturbed) for their reading. It would seem that this would be one of the simpler ways to reach understanding as it would be easy to communicate that reading time is "I just want to be alone" time.
signed,i kiss with my eys shut.(good blog
To "give" is to say "I like you, come closer."? It seems like this is your point. I think it adds to the way we think of giving ... to understand the signal we're sending ... come closer ... I want to be close to you.
Good signals!
Getting physically close can be funny at times ... hugging ... when both tilt their bodies in the same direction ... which arm goes over which shoulder? (is there a rule for this?
"She didn't want me to leave but she rarely seemed to want me to be close. It's almost like she wanted a teddy bear she could hug when she needed a hug but would stay where she left it when she didn't need it."
I am sorry to hear that. I don't think I would have big patience to be "hung up" like that. I was twice in similar situation with yours and in one of the situations it took me 1,5 years to figure out what I really wanted to do and I found a way how to stay away myself for good from my ex-bf. I would most likely running away faster if I see similar signal from my partner in the future.
I could only hope it won't happen again with my boyfriend. I actually pushed him away first before we committed a relationship but I could see he was having patience in talking to me even after I made excuses to push him away (
Another wonderful comment from you.
I agree with you. When we've lived through a problem we are definitely watching out for it the next time.
It's also important to look at this realistically. Our partners are going to have their bad days. There will be days when we try to show "come closer" and they aren't receptive. There will also be days when we don't get the "come closer" signal from our partners.
Overall... I think the ability to communicate that we want our partner with us (physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc) is an important relationship skill.
Your boyfriend is a lucky man... I'm sure he knows it.