Jokes To Make You Smile

"Touche!"

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen and started saying: "Careful .. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh Good Grief! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! They need more butter. Oh Good Grief ! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said BE CAREFUL!! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What on earth is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?

The husband calmly replied, " Well...I just wanted to show you what I feel like when I'm driving with you in the car!"


"Geneology?"

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they all developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

"Can't Take It With You?"

There was a man who had worked all of his life, and had saved all of his money, and was a real miser.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, and she went over to the casket and put it in.
Then the undertaker locked the casket down, and rolled it away.
Her friend said, "Girl, now I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband?"
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put all the money in the casket with him."
"You mean to tell me that you really did it !!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got all the money together, put it into my checking account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."