Better to have loved and have lost...
Even before entering into a relationship, one person is always attracted to the other more than the other is attracted to him/her. This may be purely a matter of chemistry. Both persons may enter into and develop the relationship, being fully aware of this. The one who is more strongly attracted may end up putting more effort into the relationship in the hope that this may cause the other person to become more attracted to him/her. However, things may not necessarily work out that way, at least in the short term; there is a better chance of this taking place in the long term. Ultimately, one may have to make a decision with regard to committing or not committing oneself to the relationship.If things work out well and both parties are happy and remain happy in the relationship, that is great.
However, if things do not work out that way,then what?
Most likely, there are several persons here at CS who may have experienced such a situation, and some who may be experiencing such a situation at present.
Perhaps the one whose love was not reciprocated in the relationship, leading to a case of unrequited love, may console himself/herself with the saying:
“It is better to have loved and have lost, than to never to have loved at all”.
What do you think?
Open discussion, on the topic, welcome!!!
Comments (36)
To feel that loved and complete is something very beautiful and there is nothing quiet like it.. to have someone who you feel complete and whole with. To know that person loves YOU more than another person on earth... is quiet a special feeling and vice versa.
The only down side, is you KNOW what you are MISSING
But life goes on.. and we go onto find beauty in other ways.
Good blog Socrates... thank you
Today i only have sweet memories of being loved and to love..And each day is the start of a brand new day ...
Tango
i think there can be equal attraction for each other also..
ever hear a couple saying "i love you" and the other says "and i love you also" but i love you more... each are convinced they loved most when infact, my thought are, their love was equal.
As for is it better to of loved and lost than not to of loved atall...its a theory only for some but its not a fact of life for all... my personal view is, it is not.
Its just like I ve worked with people who never make mistakes, probably because they never did anything to make a mistake at.
Learning from ones mistakes ,is a life education.
You have a Great Day Socrates,
“To feel that loved and complete is something very beautiful and there is nothing quiet like it.. to have someone who you feel complete and whole with. To know that person loves YOU more than another person on earth... is quiet a special feeling and vice versa.”
I am happy that you have such beautiful memories of your marriage which eventually came to an end.
Ultimately, one may have to make a decision with regard to committing or not committing oneself to the relationship.
I view marriage as a commitment.
Perhaps, the quoted saying can be viewed from two perspectives::
the precommitment & the postcommitment
From the precommitment perspective (anticipation), the person says:
I have decided to commit myself in the relationship, no matter how things may turn out since it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
From the post commitment perspective (reflection), the person has already been in the relationship, and may have lost, in the sense that although he/she wanted the relationship to continue, it was terminated by the partner.
Nevertheless, there were positive aspects to it, based on which it is better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all.
I hope your wish is fulfilled.
"Today i only have sweet memories of being loved and to love..And each day is the start of a brand new day ..."
Glad you finally got rid of your emotional baggage!
Wishing you all the best for the future!
You may be right about equal attraction but why would one person say to the other that he/she loves the other more.
Losing at love may seem like a mistake to some, but it is an education about life as you mentioned.
Have a great day yourself!
Yes, I used the term attraction in general sense. Looks are just a part of the process of attraction. Actions such as kindness, thoughtfulness, etc., may also be factors that influence attraction.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I am sorry about the unpleasantness you experienced in your marriage which ended in divorce. However, I am glad that the love of your children was able to change your life in a positive way.
Best wishes to you for the future!
I have met people who say they never "fell in love" until they were almost forty; then you have other souls who are pining in the throes of loves agony at sweet sixteen.
Maybe right.... but the hurt after the lost.. it's not too easy to handle... need time to heal and back to be able to trust someone again.
‘It’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all’. Some relationships are not based on real love. They’re more chemistry than love. Perhaps those are the relationships that created this saying? Most people experience those types of relationships and they are important because they help us to become more discerning about our own emotions, needs, tolerances, etc. Some relationships start out as chemistry and grow into real love relationships. Relationships that last are the ones with people who understand what love is – a commitment. You share the good times and struggle through the difficult times together. My marriage was like that and I have many, many wonderful memories of our 26 years together. I lost my husband but I didn’t lose at love.
Check out my photo...taken in same place as that one in your video...
Makes you see how small we are in the scheme of things, doesn't it?
1)"When loving someone deeply causes long lasting suffering to a person when its lost, often for years, I don't know that is "better" than never to have loved at all."
2)".however, it is definitely better to have loved and lost than to never have truly loved another person. Going through life and not loving is missing out on one of life's greatest experiences - love broadens the heart."
Viewing your statement in two parts, as shown above:
In the second part, you say it is definitely better to have loved and lost than to never have truly loved another person.
Isn't it possible for someone to have truly loved another person and to not have been loved by that person in return? In that sense, the first person can be said to have lost, that is, in love.
As mentioned in the first part of your statement, in such a situation, the first person may experience long lasting suffering, often for years. This is likely to happen initially, upon the realization that he/she loved the other person, perhaps very deeply, but his/her love was not reciprocated.
With the passage of time, that suffering may be alleviated. It is at this point in time, or after, that one may look back in retrospection, and realize that there were some positive aspects of the experience, and agree with the quote.
In other words, one may experience long lasting suffering in love initially, and eventually come to the realization that it is better to have loved and have lost than to never have loved at all.
"Maybe right.... but the hurt after the lost.. it's not too easy to handle... need time to heal and back to be able to trust someone again."
I agree with your comment but you know it is also said:
"Love is lovelier the second time around".
I am very happy for you that you had 26 years of marriage, filled with wonderful memories.
"Some relationships are not based on real love. They’re more chemistry than love".
"Some relationships start out as chemistry and grow into real love relationships. Relationships that last are the ones with people who understand what love is – a commitment".
With reference to your statements mentioned above, I view marriage as a commitment.
Perhaps, the quoted saying can be viewed from two perspectives::
the precommitment & the postcommitment
From the precommitment perspective (anticipation), the person says:
I have decided to commit myself in the relationship, no matter how things may turn out since it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
From the post commitment perspective (retrospection), the person has already been in the relationship, and may have lost, in the sense that although he/she wanted the relationship to continue, it was terminated by the partner.
Nevertheless, there were positive aspects to it, based on which it is better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all.
In the initial stages of a relationship, how can one tell whether that relationship will grow into "real love"?
"So if things do not work for whatever reason, the feeling of being "in love" is a rich experience, something that we are given the opportunity to find and share with someone. Yes, I think it is "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."
I think your statement, quoted above, has captured the true meaning of the quote, based on retrospection (the postcommitment stage).
However, for the benefit of those who may be at the precommitment stage, I am asking the question:
In the initial stages of a relationship, how can one tell whether that relationship will grow into "real love"?
Love is a very special thing.
I think marriage and the love that accompanies it share the same committment.
There are some people who "know" at the first meeting that this person will be their life mate. For the majority of us (myself included), there's a lot of trial and error before we meet the person we want to spend the rest of our life with. Then there are some of us who prefer to have many short-term relationships as we are not looking for a permanent long-term relationship for whatever reason.
Love seems to have many definitions as it means different things to people.
For sure it is better to have loved and been loved than not. We feel sad and disheartened when a relationship ends, but I don't think it's a "loss" because the experience has added to our growth as a man or woman and as a human being - although we may not see that at the time. Life teaches us many lessons.
Try this other video instead.
If you still cannot access the song, do a google search with:
Percy Sledge, It tears me up, youtube.
Using that, you should find a video you can access.
I also like these two from Percy SLedge: Take Time to Know Her,
and That's How Strong My Love Is.
Yes, those are some of my favourite Percy Sledge songs also, especially "When A Man Loves A Woman". Michael Bolton also sang it, as you may know.
Here is the version of it by Michael Bolton that I like best.
Following that is a rendition by both Percy Sledge and Michael Bolton together.
Hope these are available to you.