Are you serious?
Hi everyone,I'll try not to babble but here goes. I met a guy this time last year, from the outset he spoilt me, showered me with gifts, made me feel really special, bought me flowers on our first date, held doors open for me, you get my drift. He wanted to spend all his time with me, declared his love very early on. My feelings differed, I was a slow burner but as time went on my feelings grew. He told me he wanted nothing more than for me to move to where he was from, he told me he wanted to have kids with me etc. and even right up to the time we split he told me he wanted to bring me up the aisle. He broke up with me in May after 9 months together. I cut contact with him to help me get over the breakup,. He messaged me after one week saying how sorry he was but not wanting to reconcile and that he loved me. He then, after two weeks post breakup, sent my daughter a bday card with money inside and texted me again the following day to apologise about how things ended. I continued with no contact and asked him to respect my wishes. Roll on 5 weeks post breakup and he has updated his whatsapp pic to himself and new gf, which made me suspicious that he met her before we broke up, it would also coincide with his behaviour leading to the breakup. Well after no contact since, I get a phone call tonight from an unsaved number, it was him, ringing me to tell me he is after getting engaged, after only 3 months since our split. He went on to ring me once more, I didn't answer and has sent me three texts since saying he is really happy and hopes I'm happy for him too. I dont understand why he felt the need to ring me to tell me the news especially as I had requested no contact. I couldn't have found out about his engagenent as he lives in another county and he is not on social media so why the need to rub it in my face?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Also I know she is obviously a better fit for him, but I find his behaviour odd.
Comments (69)
Probability of him having a gf while you were with him is very high.
I guess you have to be strong and shut all the doors heading his directions.
Btw welcome to the blogs.
Peace
I might take a trip to the metalman after all, so I can call my ex and gloat about my engagement
True, part of me does feel relief, after his phone call last night it has made me feel more convinced I'm better off. That's my head talking..my heart, well that's a little softer.
You're a very balanced person (I gather that from your positive responses), in no time someone will so lucky to have you realising what a great person you are.
If you haven't already done so, contact your phone company and have his number blocked! Or maybe change your number if it is not to much of a hassle!
it sounds like he threw a lot at you for months and you didn't bite.
Later(/or sooner) he found someone else that indeed did bite. but he still feels turned down by you.
Maybe he just needs to close this part of his live off. and he hoped for a late explanation from your side.
the gift to your daughter is just a try to open a conversation. but indeed a weird one. Probably it makes sense in his mind, i wouldn't see much trickery in it.
The sooner part. as it sounds like you weren't together it doesn't really matters? It also doesn't sound like you are jealous.
I can't answer the narcist or controlling side. it just seems clear he wanted to get married soon. maybe that is his goal in life.
you didn't want that or to move, so i don't see why you are hurt. maybe just a bit bothered.
You're right, he did want more, he wanted kids and for me to move, I didn't and yes he has found soneone who is a better match. I am feeling a bit burned I won't lie as two weeks before we split he told me none of the issues I mentioned mattered and he wanted to walk me down the aisle. His behaviour at the end of our relationship confirms to me I'm better off without him. I'm not jealous, I'm angry at myself for not seeing through it all sooner.
I can't say if this guy is a sociopath or narcissist, but he sure is all about him - he spoiled you to to make you fall for him and do everything he wants - and when this didn't work, he just got someone else. If someone else has other future plans that incl. wanting someone to move and having children, the "normal" thing would be to talk about it, and if there is no common ground, part ways.
I think he simply didn't get from you what he wanted and now he wants to punish you for it.
I'm sorry to hear he hurt you and doing this after you introduced him to your daughter (both people should take a child's feeling into account and it says a lot about him that he didn't), but give it time and it will hit home that it is better not having him around.
You've said it as it is. I suppose youre never guaranteed with relationships and it's a risk you have to take when there are kids involved. Luckily my daughter is young and is a very happy child. I'm going to remain single and concentrate on the two of us and if down the line I meet someone, without looking, I'll have more experience under my belt and hopefully wont make the same mistakes
You're an accessory, an add on.
Like air conditioning in a car.
He didn't love you.
He loved the idea of someone loving him.
It's hurts his ego that you cut contact and that it is not the sole focus of your life to get him back.
It injures him, that he is not the air in you lungs.
That injury to him, is cause enough to grind salt in your wounds.
The snake is now wrapping itself around the warmth of another.
You have been spared this time.
I've spent much of the last five years single and before that was in a long term relationship so don't have much to compare it to. Thanks for the earlier link, it was useful
As I wouldn't view his messaging me as being the norm I hadn't looked at it from your viewpoint. I appreciate that you're only seeing it from my side.
Ouch! but yeah I now know
I won't, I blocked his second number last night.
Don't let this get to you, normal people don't do stuff like that. Karma will catch up to him, that you can be sure of.