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Well, here we are again...

I know that I don't come here often, but I thank everyone who reads and interacts with my blogs. I usually come here to talk about the things that I have difficulty expressing to anyone in person. Or when I need a diversified opinion. Because mostly, the people I interact with in my environment share a monotonous perspective on almost everything.

I have been single and out to the dating pool for a moment now. but I am in dilemma of whether I should keep being open and hope in case i meet my match soon, or take charge and just close myself entirely until I am in a more suitable environment.

Where I am is considered by many nationalities as a state of passage - a temporary residence; temporary job; temporary relationships until they have saved enough money to start their lives elsewhere. And with this mindset coupled with every humans' need to interact with other humans and form attachments, men need "temporary girlfriends." And one of the nationalities best chosen for this is Filipinas! Because filipinas are mostly good-natured, caring, kind of liberated, flexible emotionally, can be submissive, and we do not ask permission from our parents to make our own decisions. Qualities that make us an object of convenience. Sadly, many of us are gullible and naive and even more of those of us who are willing to forgo our own virtues and principles in the name of love (that misbegotten word) or money and comfort. As I think of my "experience" and what I have seen from other pinays here, I couldn't help but think of men here (middle eastern mostly) would they treat women from their own culture they way they treat filipinas? Because I think that they want filipina girlfriends, but when they reach the maturity for them to finally marry, they marry girls from their own culture. Even without romantic feelings. Just pure dictates of their culture. It's a sad affair.

Some well-meaning acquaintances would suggest to give filipino males a chance. To be clear, I never closed my heart on filipino men. I am open to any nationality so long as our values, priorities, minds and hearts align. However, many filipino guys here also are inexcusable. Many of them have families of their own in the Philippines, they convert to Islam here so they could marry another. It would have been ok for the right reasons, but they usually do it without thinking of ramifications. Their excuse: "I want to be happy." And many also want health care workers because HCW have better salary. One guy before wanted to date me, he asked me how much my monthly salary was. I told him it was enough, I am also supporting my parents financially since they both are seniors. Then he said, "but when you are married, your priorities is supposed to be your own family, right?" Damn, we haven't even started dating yet, but he was already initiating control? I mean, why can't they strive harder, finish university and get better jobs so they have better salaries too? "But why work hard when they can just marry a nurse and live comfortably, right?" said one middle aged woman to me before.

So, pray tell me, which direction should I go? I know I sound negative, but no. I am being realistic. I still believe that there's someone out there. Should I take another chance here? Be content with being seen as the temporary girlfriend, or hope and keep wasting my time?

I posted a blog about comments my family gave me when I sent a picture of me and my Giant to our family (correction: my family) WA Group. I decided to erase that blog although I got one interesting comment that deserved my response.

"Where is your Hijab, Kal?"

Yes, that's the comment I got from my family on WA.

You see, my family do not worry about me talking to a stranger from far away somewhere. They only worry about something about me will change. I find it a normal reaction when your loved one has relationships with someone who is from a completely different world. But that made me think. Maybe.. just maybe, my Giant's family have such worries too. They may worry about something about him will change.

So this morning, my time, my Giant and I spent more than 6 hours on skype video call. Ofcourse not 6 hours spent on our discussion as we watched 2 movies in between..

Anyway, I asked him to think over and over again about our relationship. I asked him not to waste his thousands dollars on flight tickets to meet me. Although I know he has huge amount of money, not to mention the huge amount he and his siblings inherited from his belated Dad. Even first class plane tickets would be nothing for him.
But as much as I want to be with him, I don't want him to face problems from his family and friends because he chooses me, an Indonesian Muslim woman, to spend the rest of his life with.

I reminded him that my belief and his are different. When it crashes it can create a conflict.. not only with him but also with his family and friends. I don't want him to be in a confusing position when the conflict takes place between me and his family, his two sons especially.

"How tolerant are you? How ready are you? What will you feel? How will you deal with issues?" I asked him those amongst other questions.

We discussed things from different point of view.. from many different conflict possibilities, including rule A to Z in my belief and rule A to Z in his belief..

However from whatever perspective I brought up, he ended up saying "Kal, you don't need to worry!"

I GIVE UP!
Maybe me and him spending life together with all our differences will not be as bad as I thought after all..

Listening to Jordan Peterson, with our modern dating world....where long term relationships are becoming a thing of the past, Peterson theorizes that only a small portion of men will get all of the women. To find out more about this, first think about it...and then...I encourage you to listen to him.

Here is an example of his theory in practice.

I was just listening to Lauren Chen. She had a blog about "West Elm Caleb"....a guy who has dated many many women and who have ghosted them. Chen goes on to show women who have been ghosted by him being upset. However, she points out in her opinion, this is a result of feminism. Lauren Chen claims that this is exactly what women have asked for. Towards the end of her blog...she states that feminism is not....men should do exactly what women say. She says that before feminism, men had a deeper respect for women....now....it is a bit different.

What should men do now?

What should women do now?


Peterson says that female desired men are becoming more callous. He goes on for saying...I don't blame them. (remember people form their self image and moral compass by feedback received). He alluded that, why should these men settle for just one woman, when they can have all of them. (This was my interpretation of his message).

For women, perhaps be more careful with who you pick for a partner, or as Chen suggested....state up front that you are looking for an exclusive relationship...and not sleep with him so soon.





Before we start picking on men....I suspect that same is true towards women as well....the beautiful women can have most of the men. However, I think men will settle for less than beautiful when it comes to a mate. But are women more superficial than men in this new dating world?

something to think about I suppose

I was told, that if I go to a pay dating portal, the men (in my case) are really serious, so not like here, where only a small percent are looking for a partner
I was also told on the pay-portal there are no scammer. I registered with one.
NOW LISTEN TO THIS !
I hope I can give the name of the portal (to shame). It is 121Seniordating and works from GB.
As I started by put in my data, just finished and per mail was already getting chat requests from men near me. Within 5 minutes I had over 10 (in my area that is a lot). So I thought I will try it and see what it has to offer.
This is how this portal (OK, I am not going to swear)* works. They send a short note for every guy near the new victim (me in this case).
So I became a member with a short months payment. Answered each of these guys -
AND DID NOT GET ONE ANSWER back from them. Now I know why. The whole portal is a trick, the chat notes from each guy was not sent by them, but from the (smart) owner of this portal. Then they use MY answer as if I wrote to each of these guys and hope they would put in a payment to contact me. I know that now because on this portal no one is online for more then a few minutes as there is nothing to read.
I goes further. I looked to see who has paid, a few had (new ones like me) so decided to ask there experience and can confirm they were tricked too.
Anyway I was writing to a few new ones and asked for an email as writing here was awkward as you had to wait for an email for each answer.
The owner, workers of this portal READ whatever you write AND change whatever they want to so that you do not get the correct mail. The same happened with trying to get their mobile number.
There was a survey asking how many dates you have had, 85% ticked NON! How can you meet if any information you gave was changed! I never went that far.
By the way I saw several scammers on these pages too, bet they were disappointed .

Two years ago waiting in a check out line, I've met a man. He was paying for a food blender.
I said: "Your wife is gonna love it. I have the same and it is a very good blender. I love it"
He looked at me, smiled and said, that a few years ago he finally realized that saying "Happy wife happy life" works and since then him and his wife are the happiest couple in a whole World.
. That was a first time for me to hear that saying. And it kind of took me a wee aback. There is a grain of wisdom and for some reason I trust that man.
Sorry for grammar mistakes. English is not my first language.
Have a wonderful time of day everyone.

it's been a while, any takers ?

I think my preferences have changed , anyone here from Asia?

When filling in the CS profile, we choose "occupation" from a list. In my case, as a member of Danish Writers Association, I picked Writer / Journalist. I have written books and articles. I have even made more than two blogs here on ConnectingSingles. ;-)

To many a potential partners occupation is essencial, more important than the size of income. I think it’s all about status: we like to date a person with a honorable job. An important person, so to speak.

So, I got in contact with a woman in Eastern Europe. We were looking forward to meet - but then I wrote something, she did not like. I told her, that I currently work as a chauffeur. She got upset, accused me for lying about my profession. She certainly did not dream of dating a simple driver!

Well, my job as a chauffeur is only temporary. In Denmark there is only two procent unemployment, and there is a huge need for labour with legal drivers license. Just to help a local catering company and collect extra money for my next travel, I picked this job, bringing out hot and healthy meals to old citizens in the countryside.

I am paid 17 € per hour, I informed her and continued: One day you’ll be old and hungry too. Do you think, you will then still give a f*ckfinger to the chauffeur?

She appologized, but I was no longer interested. Dinner is cancelled. I’ll keep my temporary job for another month or two - and then travel to meet a cute and hardworking shop owner in Thailand. She is okay with me just temporary being a honorable chauffeur - in fact, I am just a simple writer. :-)

A married man finds birth control pills in his wife's drawer...
However, he had a vasectomy a few years before they were married.

Is that a reason to be suspicious?

I like writing just for fun, it may not be someone suitable as a future partner but it can still be nice getting “post” and nowadays, you don’t have to wait till the postman comes (he’s probably is not your type anyway), the computer goes “click” and hey presto, you have your answer.
Today I saw a profile (Spain Torrevieja) and thought, OK he is not suitable for me, he is looking for a Thai young woman to make him happy, but I liked the style he wrote on his profile and thought, well why not write to him as while he is waiting for his “Thai wonder woman” to come his way.
Now this is the catch – all nicely written with a lot of humour, as least I thought it was, copied it to my mouse, ready to downpour it right into his email, letter box and, now guess what happens – well, you have probably guessed, I am blocked! I am not good enough to his high grade of requirements, well I knew that, but words, mails don’t need an age, or maybe I am just bothering him, expecting him to READ my mail, but maybe the pensioned man is just too busy, as he writes he has a few friends but still, he has been on CS for 2 years, maybe it is time to think about what you want.
I know what I want: first to write to nice people, male and FEMALE, just for the fun of it. For anything else, I think it just comes, and in most cases it doesn’t, but that’s life.

I see a long-time member who doesn't come here often is online now...
Welcome back!