The Temporary Girlfriend
Well, here we are again...I know that I don't come here often, but I thank everyone who reads and interacts with my blogs.
I usually come here to talk about the things that I have difficulty expressing to anyone in person. Or when I need a diversified opinion. Because mostly, the people I interact with in my environment share a monotonous perspective on almost everything.I have been single and out to the dating pool for a moment now. but I am in dilemma of whether I should keep being open and hope in case i meet my match soon, or take charge and just close myself entirely until I am in a more suitable environment.
Where I am is considered by many nationalities as a state of passage - a temporary residence; temporary job; temporary relationships until they have saved enough money to start their lives elsewhere. And with this mindset coupled with every humans' need to interact with other humans and form attachments, men need "temporary girlfriends." And one of the nationalities best chosen for this is Filipinas! Because filipinas are mostly good-natured, caring, kind of liberated, flexible emotionally, can be submissive, and we do not ask permission from our parents to make our own decisions. Qualities that make us an object of convenience. Sadly, many of us are gullible and naive and even more of those of us who are willing to forgo our own virtues and principles in the name of love (that misbegotten word) or money and comfort. As I think of my "experience" and what I have seen from other pinays here, I couldn't help but think of men here (middle eastern mostly) would they treat women from their own culture they way they treat filipinas? Because I think that they want filipina girlfriends, but when they reach the maturity for them to finally marry, they marry girls from their own culture. Even without romantic feelings. Just pure dictates of their culture. It's a sad affair.
Some well-meaning acquaintances would suggest to give filipino males a chance. To be clear, I never closed my heart on filipino men. I am open to any nationality so long as our values, priorities, minds and hearts align. However, many filipino guys here also are inexcusable. Many of them have families of their own in the Philippines, they convert to Islam here so they could marry another. It would have been ok for the right reasons, but they usually do it without thinking of ramifications. Their excuse: "I want to be happy." And many also want health care workers because HCW have better salary. One guy before wanted to date me, he asked me how much my monthly salary was. I told him it was enough, I am also supporting my parents financially since they both are seniors. Then he said, "but when you are married, your priorities is supposed to be your own family, right?" Damn, we haven't even started dating yet, but he was already initiating control?
I mean, why can't they strive harder, finish university and get better jobs so they have better salaries too? "But why work hard when they can just marry a nurse and live comfortably, right?" said one middle aged woman to me before. So, pray tell me, which direction should I go? I know I sound negative, but no. I am being realistic. I still believe that there's someone out there. Should I take another chance here? Be content with being seen as the temporary girlfriend, or hope and keep wasting my time?
Comments (41)
Interesting blog. Much of what you say I found to be true.
The Philippines, a country of one language with 20 different dialects... however they all speak English. That's great if you are searching for a guy in Australia, Canada, America, England, etc.
When I was actively dating, many of the contacts made were with Philippine women.
I found a high percentage of them 30-40 years old who were unmarried and had children back home (being raised by their parents) as they took on jobs in other countries.
Unless it's an older guy at or near retirement who is seeking an instant family, a Philippine woman has a very low chance of finding a guy from a foreign country.
All of that happened before COVID and before stories of corruption when the guy visiting a girl tries to get back home.
What's it now... ten times harder?
Don't give up on your search.
I'll say this: If you go fishing, you need a net or hook and bait.
Don't expect to find a man without the proper tools.
You won't find him in the grocery store, shopping mall or library.
no human kind is saint...
I think this statement you made is the core of how you really feel about a relationship. It is somewhat contradictory to what a meaningful relationship is....love.
I think once you abandon these preconceptions, you may find real love.
Love is not a one way street....where only your virtues and principles count....it is rather a two way street where each involved in that relationship will need to compromise their virtues and principles with each other.
It is difficult to have a relationship where you can have your cake and eat it too.
Even though, with women having so many options at relationships these days, that actually now might be possible....however in the end, the woman will still be feeling as empty as before she ate her cake.
But...tough situation you are in over there. I wish you the best.
When I was actively dating, many of the contacts made were with Philippine women.
I found a high percentage of them 30-40 years old who were unmarried and had children back home (being raised by their parents) as they took on jobs in other countries.
…
Don't give up on your search.
I'll say this: If you go fishing, you need a net or hook and bait.
Don't expect to find a man without the proper tools.
You won't find him in the grocery store, shopping mall or library.
That information is correct. Many filipinas have taken on being the breadwinner. Im not saying all filipino men are weak, but many are. Many are irresponsible so the women ends up separating from their children’s father and choose to work abroad to afford raising their children. Its sad, but that’s life. We fight to live.
Will you be able to share to me what my hook and net would be? I’m really charming and fun to talk with in person. Im not a pushover. I can say that I can converse on various subjects just fine. I’m not very pretty, but I think that my looks isn’t disdainful either.
no human kind is saint...
It all depends on both!...
Today's world tend to have relationship lasting short time for a number of reasons starting from Each Single Personal Freedom to the Amount Of Hard Work Both Put Into It..
With in the middle Open minded relationships yes that is for those claiming to be christian's and following the word of the Lord.
Putting it Simple, Real Commitment Not The
Oh....
Not Forgetting If The Both Are Actually Meant To be...
And.
Honesty,which today's human kind is forgetting for convenience i suppose?
Lets Say The Real world Is Actually Quiet Different From The Virtual World On CS..
Not Wise a.s.s. simply Realistic...
It all depends on both!...
Today's world tend to have relationship lasting short time for a number of reasons starting from Each Single Personal Freedom to the Amount Of Hard Work Both Put Into It.....
And you’re right, most relationships now do not have the foundation of “2 become 1” principle of the old days. Its the hyperindependence of both people that both partners are on the look out for the other, with one foot is out the window ready to jump off for the slightest mistake.
And you’re right, most relationships now do not have the foundation of “2 become 1” principle of the old days. Its the hyperindependence of both people that both partners are on the look out for the other, with one foot is out the window ready to jump off for the slightest mistake.
Certainly Internet is making things even more worse...
Foundations of the 2 becoming 1 has been lost for a long time now..
Fairly simple to understand i suppose,and it all point towards the Human Kind Evolution....
I have no idea why between ur Ex and u Didn't work since i wasn't there,and the truth is always in the middle of anything making it simple to understand 50/50 fault...
Foundations of the 2 becoming 1 has been lost for a long time now..
I have no idea why between ur Ex and u Didn't work since i wasn't there,and the truth is always in the middle of anything making it simple to understand 50/50 fault...
The 2 become 1 is what I aspire to have. Some people achieve it, some don’t. I can only keep wishing for now.
The 2 become 1 is what I aspire to have. Some people achieve it, some don’t. I can only keep wishing for now.
Have u Considered other options?
Even i keep wishing to find my other half,perhaps something is wrong with me and that is the reason why i don't find it,or perhaps I still believe in something that has been dead for a while now and the reason because that something is dead is because of Human Evolution...
Hmm Might say though, Evolving in the possible wrongest way?.
You write about living in a place where most people are on assignment and have a temporary residence. This really shapes perspective. Your nationality only plays a secondary role, in as far as it influences the attitude of any potential dating partners. Most of dating partners only set up for temporary relationships because that is their time horizon in Saudi Arabia. It also affects the locals, who only expect foreigners to leave as their assignment expires (whatever project they may have been involved in).
Whether you are living in Geneva (flooded by UN officials), Luxembourg (EU institutions and EU Court of Justice) or Brussels (EU, EC and NATO), you will find similar attitudes among expats on assignment and their interaction with the local population.
Luckily there are many potential good matches.
I would say that someone from your home country would be a better candidate, for example:
If you are in your home country and start a relationship with a foreigner there are differences:
Cultural and religous differences between you two.
Potential race difficulties for him to cope with.
Possibility of home sickness for him.
Possible reasons requiring him to return home.
This also applies to you in another country but now all the difficulties are on you, and to some extent on your husband and children.
Some people take these things in their stride so it's up to you, but no harm thinking it through.
A friend of mine had to relocate to Australia with his wife after 20 years because home sickness got so bad for his wife. The whole family had to go and readjust their lives, leaving family and friends preparing for an unknown future in a foreign land.
I've seen foreigners here and I've been away and been a foreigner. It's not all bad but it adds complications to a complex union between two people.
Best of luck.
Dating in modern society involves texting via social media contacts while sitting in Starbucks. Often, unknown to the guy, it's the woman sitting 3 tables across from him!
Luckily there are many potential good matches.
I would say that someone from your home country would be a better candidate, for example:
I've seen foreigners here and I've been away and been a foreigner. It's not all bad but it adds complications to a complex union between two people.
Best of luck.
I don't plan to stay in the Philippines for many many years. I'd go for vacations there, but I won't settle to raise a family there. I mean, because i mainly do not see myself working there anytime soon.
Turning upside down someone life on order to accommodate the needs of someone else from religious beliefs to give up ur traditions and make work a relationship AIN'T WORTH IT....
I am proud to say i do not believe in any religion,and i wouldn't change my belief even if the gal i get into a relationship is the hottest Top Model in the world..
If i have to sell the proverbial soul, nothing in the current world is worth it...
I'm not quiet sure though coz what i see happening today world wide, is anything but Goodness of human kind...
What will make the difference in the relationship is the 2 have to trust each other, be honest with each other, the proverbial 2 become 1,work towards the same goal.
If both husband and wife are in unison in core values, then, adjustment will be a little less difficult. you can both work on other things. like finances and geography, and other household responsibilities.
If both husband and wife are in unison in core values, then, adjustment will be a little less difficult. you can both work on other things. like finances and geography, and other household responsibilities.
If along with the couple there is a child its twice as hard.
I believe in a couple that follow at least one of the god commandment "Do not Desire Someone Else Woman".
The Rest its Just Normal Life.
The core values,since i am not believer in any religion i am willing if my girl desire it to go to church,still my core principals are still not believing in any religion,coz i see modern religion as a fake!.
Rising a kid with its mind already set on believing in the church and not telling him whats around it coz may be painful,its the possible wrongest way.
I personally believe that the child should be told there are these religion,the parents should help understand each core belief of each religion,and allow the child over time choose which religion to follow.
As u said Filippino women changing faith due to the religion of their partner.
And i believe its wrong changing religion because ur partner cannot stand a woman of different religion.
Today's human kind if it doesn't change over night is in the facts doomed,and no way around that.
Which is human kind fault to be more specific teh capitalist humans greedy and wanting to put under its thumb the whole world.
If along with the couple there is a child its twice as hard.
As u said Filippino women changing faith due to the religion of their partner.
And i believe its wrong changing religion because ur partner cannot stand a woman of different religion.
Your stand on religion is altogether a different subject. I was raised a catholic. And still am. But I am not blind to what the catholic leaders have done. I am not deaf to may crimes that were committed in the name of religion. But it is not the religion I am loyal to, I am loyal to God. And I believe that Catholicism (removing all the bad apples in it) is the best way to form a relationship with God.
Your stand on religion is altogether a different subject. I was raised a catholic. And still am. But I am not blind to what the catholic leaders have done. I am not deaf to may crimes that were committed in the name of religion. But it is not the religion I am loyal to, I am loyal to God. And I believe that Catholicism (removing all the bad apples in it) is the best way to form a relationship with God.
I might say and probably wrong u are spiritual but not religious,and what i mean the human religion..
<y stand on religion is what it is coz i see religion only as a tool to attract the attention of as many people as possible,along the plenty of cash those people bring with them obvious...
As i said we could discus religion specially catholic for days..
I would still have my opinion in the catholic religion...
Your stand on religion is altogether a different subject. I was raised a catholic. And still am. But I am not blind to what the catholic leaders have done. I am not deaf to may crimes that were committed in the name of religion. But it is not the religion I am loyal to, I am loyal to God. And I believe that Catholicism (removing all the bad apples in it) is the best way to form a relationship with God.
A balanced number of things in common yes of course...
A balanced number of things in common yes of course...
Most certainly none of the two has to change its faith coz the other wont accept anything different...
Today human kind is driven by fake believes...
That much fake that has brought Chinise president to say the planet Need A New World Order..
Most certainly none of the two has to change its faith coz the other wont accept anything different...
Dear missChelli, I was wondering, if I had to propose to import you here, would you accept? I am a pretty charming dude actually and I am functional if you know what I mean. Thanks. xx
Today human kind is driven by fake believes...
That much fake that has brought Chinise president to say the planet Need A New World Order..
We are just humans after all...
Dear missChelli, I was wondering, if I had to propose to import you here, would you accept? I am a pretty charming dude actually and I am functional if you know what I mean. Thanks. xx
How It Works from ur point of view?
How It Works from ur point of view?
And to be completely honest, I do not appreciate his approach.