Let Destiny Decide?
Just yesterday, my friend told me that I have been saying I will stop looking, and stop going out on dates but still do as I please. In my defense: it is human to find happiness when you're lonely. Honestly though, i know she's right. Just like all the motivational and self help books and videos on you tube, I should just stop and focus on myself. But aside from my love life, I am doing good. So, isn't it just right that I focus on something that's missing? But it seems to me that the more I chase after it, the more it slips away. So I guess the videos and the books were right. To just, "let it go." And start leaving things to chances and destiny?Does destiny still work?
Comments (23)
It would seem, the more the distance, the more time it will take for love to develop.
...for whatever that is worth.
We create our own life
And happiness is a state of mind.
Not something we need to look for outside ourselves.
Like you, I also think that I'm slowly approaching the the moment when I would like to find someone. As soon as the spring comes and COVID ends - I plan to do something about it. IN REAL LIFE.
Are you saying CS and the people here are not real
Okay one exception of one I met in a club. But that's the only one.
I don't know anything.
That disqualifies me to ever again write anything about the virtual world, dating sites or any other sites where people meet online. My experiences are also worthless, because they are the product of my naivety and silliness. If I were smarter, I would always have only wonderful experiences and never experience anything unpleasant, like the other members of this site whose ability to judge characters and see behind the illusion of the virtual world is far supreme than mine.
So, you must ask someone else (wiser).
@Astranea I'd like to keep being hopeful. But the recent events are persistent in making me become jaded. I just refuse to be that. I am lovable in my naive and sometimes gullible way. But I'll bw cautious.
Siddhartha, An indian Tale, Hermann Hesse
I doubt that I will be here for so long, but thank you.
I wish you the best, too.
@Bentlee
I read "Siddharta" when I went to high school. Herman Hesse is interesting when you are young, but as you get older - it loses its charm. At least it was like that for me.
I'll read it later...maybe?
No, you are right.
I've always thought that if you want to meet decent people on the internet - you have to be nice and honest and decent yourself. And you mustn't be too suspicious. Because other nice, honest and decent people want the same and don't want to be under suspicion for no reason. Thanks to that kind of behaviour - I met some great people on the internet, made long-lasting friendships, people who came here to visit me, I visited them, I even found boyfriends online.
However, that kind of behaviour has its downside when you meet people who are not nice, honest and decent themselves. They think that you are naive and silly and that they will manipulate you easily. It doesn't really happen. But they do waste a lot of my time and sometimes put me in some terrible situations that make me angry and I have to block them. The post I wrote was about those type of men, because the woman was also talking about bad men. I was also under suspicion by some men and no matter what kind of proof I gave them - they at least suspected my motivations if not the data I provided. That kind of behaviour (constant suspicion and constant distrust) KILLS everything - possible friendships, relationships...
When I was here the last time I talked to some Americans for months and thought that we became friends just to find out that all that time they were thinking that I wanted to marry them and get the green card. It was tremendously disappointing and - well - I doubt that I will ever talk to Americans privately again on this site. You might think that I was naive - why any American would talk to me on a dating site unless he saw me as a potential mail-order bride and I was supposed to know that, too, but I met Americans on other sites who didn't think like that, so ... you never know. If you generalize - where will that take you?
When I was here the last time I was told by one member that I shouldn't talk about anything private online and that whatever experience I had I should keep it to myself, because people tend to use everything you say online against you. That is true. One should either keep things here lightly, talk about serious topics or lie and imagine (and that's tiring and pointless from my point of view).
So, I'm not angry. You are right. I am naive.
If you don't look for love so hard maybe it will fall into your lap unexpected, don't sweat it at all and i'm sure things will pan out pretty close to what your plan is..
You are a beautiful intelligent woman but, maybe your focus is a bit misguided. When we stop working so hard or obsessing about finding a friend lover or whatever, it often finds us. They say do what you love and you wont ever work a day in your life.
All the wasted energy seeking but never finding reaching but never really grasping. Let go all you fear to lose and you will have what you need. As they say when the student is ready the teacher will appear.
All these gems of wisdom mean little without application.
Nevertheless we are free to choose to believe what we want and how we govern our lives attests to our beliefs and values.