Dating & Relationships Blogs (2,542)

Talk with this person as often and as long as possible, but listen and listen good. Don’t get carried away with telling the story of your life and listening to his, to the point that you are not really listening to him/her. You will be amazed at how much people give away about themselves in conversations without realizing it. But if you are not really listening, you will miss out on these very vital clues. So, when you listen, “listen between the lines”. As soon as you have gathered enough clues about this person to be able to make initial determination, decide what you want to do. Do you want to take it further or you want to cut them off? If they are not the kind of people you want in your life, let them know that you are not into them, and cut them off. If they call, ignore. Most people with self respect will stop calling if you ignore their calls a few times. If they don’t, they just confirmed your suspicion about their personality. The good thing is, no one is able to do you any harm through the phone. We all receive junk calls from marketers and all we do is ignore them, right? Some phones allow you to block them these days. As a rule on my phone, all calls from people not in my address book go to voicemail. Some may think that is drastic, but it is the way I have some peace from anonymous and unwanted callers.

Next, if you feel you are talking to the “right person”, and you want to take it up a notch, then arrange a video chat, if possible. There are quite a few of them out there these days. Skype and most web based email clients will let you video chat for free. The purpose of this is to confirm, and to build on what you have learned so far about this person. See about using video chat a few times before the physical meeting. You will be surprised what you can learn about this person through their appearance and surrounding. For instance, this person sounds really nice when you were on the phone with them, and even now on video chat, but for instance, there is a framed picture in the background that says, “I am a proud Satanist”. It is up to you to decide whether a Satanist is your idea of a future partner or not. If it is not working for you, call it off.

If you are still feeling this person, arrange a meet. It may sound redundant, but please don’t go to their house or bring them to yours, unless you are absolutely sure it is what you want to do. It should not be a surprise that you end up sleeping with each other over the weekend. It is natural. Please don’t complain about it afterwards because you saw it coming. You are both grown adults and you were not raped. If the relationship fails after the sex session, be mature and deal with it. You simply could have avoided it by not spending the night at his or her place. A meeting at an open place like a restaurant, coffee shop, park or movie theatre is better. Going to each other’s place is a step you should take ONLY after you are convinced it is what you want to do, because you know what it might lead to.

If you have noticed something you don’t like about this person; which does not agree with you or gives you the jitters, don’t downplay it. Don’t think you can change a grown person. You are not God. A lot of people have made this mistake and paid dearly for it. If it is not right now, it will not get any better later. If he is already a chain smoker and you don’t like to be with one, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can make him stop. If she is already a heavy drinker, she may even become a heavier drinker down the road. So, don’t start it if you cannot finish it.

The next thing is to reach out. It does not matter whether you are a man or woman. You see someone that “rings your bell”, reach out to them. What is the worst that can happen? It is possible they have not noticed your presence. Don’t forget there are a lot of people on the Internet (of both sexes), and contrary to your imagination, the world does not revolve around you. It is your responsibility to make yourself visible to your “target” and others that even you, have not noticed. No one lights a candle, then covers it with a bucket. Be visible.

Communicate. Get talking. I shake my head every time I see people trying to avoid communication even though they are on a dating site. How does that work?! The fastest way of knowing someone is by spending time with them and observing their values. I will say though that, it is foolish to rush to go meet someone you just met on the Internet without first getting to know them from afar a bit. If as a lady, a guy asks for your phone number, you have nothing to lose by giving it. Just make sure it is your mobile phone number. I don’t recommend giving your home phone number to a stranger because it can tell them where you live, and you don’t want to do that just yet. Mobile phone numbers does not say much, except that you got it from a particular state or province. You can live in Texas and have a mobile phone number from Kentucky; or live in Ontario and have a mobile phone number from Alberta, and so on. It takes a lot to pin point your location using your mobile phone signals, unless you are one of those people asking your apps to trace you and tell people where you are and what you are doing. In that case, you have no reason to want to hide, right? You are already broadcasting your location and activities anyway. In any case, if you are giving out your phone number, it is safer to give out your mobile phone number than your home phone number.

Dupes. How about them? I have always maintained that in order to be duped on the Internet, you have to be foolish, greedy or both. It is wrong to want to reap where you did not sow, or take advantage of others. However, the person who is hoping to assist a criminal to get away with stolen stash and for personal gain is not a saint either. We only get to hear their cry after they have been duped. Who did they tell when they were hoping to make millions off a stranger on the Internet? No easy money anywhere. Work for your money. Don’t expect any manna from heaven and you will be free of Internet fraudsters asking for your bank accounts and all that.


I am of the opinion that, given the way the society is, our work schedules and myriad of activities we have choked ourselves with, the Internet presents the easiest and safest way of meeting a potential partner. There are a few sensible steps to take and you can have a ball with Internet dating.

Be realistic. Don’t expect too much or too soon. Any form of dating is about knowing the other person, and it takes a while. It is a process. Don’t let pressure from family and friends make you do what you ought not to, or enter into a relationship just to meet their expectation. You may or may not meet your future partner here, but you can make other life friends here. People come into your life for diverse reasons. You have other friends of the opposite sex but you are not married to all of them, right? But these are people you can talk to if you need to talk to someone; or call to help you move, if you are relocating; or ask advice about some things you have no clue how to handle. I have made some friends on the Internet over time. We still talk and share ideas. They have no problems calling me if they need help and vice versa. Whatever you do, don’t put yourself under the pressure to meet someone and make it work at all cost. I read people’s profile and they say it has to be “serious”; “if you are a player, just stay away”, and so on. Players will not admit it to you; neither will they stay away because you said so. Just relax and face them with a level head. You are likely to spot them faster that way and what you do after that is up to you. Women often spot players but refuse to let them go because they think they have at least found someone, or they think they are in love.

Unlike the person you met at the grocery shop, every person on most dating site must say upfront what they are looking for and whether it is serious or not. Whether it is the truth or not is another matter altogether, but at least you have a starting point. No guesses. Someone may say they are looking for something serious in the beginning but you found out later that they only wanted to play. Again, at least you knew they wanted something. In other words, those who don’t want drenching splashes should not go near the river.

There are all sorts of comments and positions out there on why people should stay away from online dating. Top on the list is the safety concern. People have met serial rapists and killers online. How about dupes? There are those who only want to separate you from your money, and they are online. Then, you also have those who think dating online makes you appear “cheap” or “desperate”.

What are the basics? As long as people have need for affection and companionship, there will always be the need for dating. Those who say online dating makes one appear cheap or desperate are not in disagreement with the position that the need to date exists. They are only of the opinion that the traditional ways of meeting trumps the online method, but I beg to disagree.

Inasmuch as there is nothing tragically wrong with the traditional methods so called, this is 2015, and a lot of social dynamics have thrown up newer and more efficient ways of meeting potential partners. Not everyone wants to do the bar route; picking up total strangers for the night. That carries a lot of risks along with it, plus, not everyone drinks. If you therefore do not drink or smoke, you may not find the bar route very helpful.

It is still OK to be introduced to potential partners, but not everyone wants to do it because some of them think, if it doesn’t work, they will get the blame, especially since people have all sorts of values these days and a lot of which may not be known to the “introducer”, but which may shock the person meeting the “introducee”. It can be a source of embarrassment down the road. At the same time and possibly for the same reason, this pool of people worthy of being introduced is rather dry. It is not the most fertile ground for sowing the seeds of relationships.

There are the possibilities of meeting people while out grocery shopping. Granted that people out shopping may be single, but it is never written on the forehead and not every married person wears the ring. You are therefore left to first wonder if he or she is taken. If you can reasonably deduce they are free and available, then you can make a move; by which time the magic may have passed, unless you both went “grocery shopping” for the sole purpose of meeting someone.

Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for,companionship,intimacy,friendship etc....The truth is ,that marriage at the start is an empty box,you must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love ? in marriage,love is in people and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage,you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art,and form a habit of giving,loving,serving,praising,of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in,the box will be empty..

There's More to Love than We Both Know-- 1 Corinthians 13:12 KJV

Compilation: 02/14

Between a rock and the love of God

When Andrew got ready for work one Friday morning, he announced to his wife that he had finally decided to ask his boss for a salary raise. All day Andrew felt nervous and apprehensive as he thought about the upcoming showdown. What if Mr. Larchmont refused to grant his request? Andrew had worked so hard in the last 18 months and landed some great accounts for Braer and Hopkins Advertising Agency. Of course he deserved a wage increase.

The thought of walking into Larchmont’s office left Andrew weak in the knees. Late in the afternoon he finally mustered up the courage to approach his superior. To his delight and surprise, the ever-frugal Harvey Larchmont agreed to give Andrew a raise!

Andrew arrived home that evening—after breaking all city and state speed limits—to a beautiful table set with their best china, and candles lit. His wife, Tina, had prepared an exquisite meal, including his favorite dishes. Immediately he figured someone from the office tipped her off!

Next to his plate Andrew found a beautiful lettered note. It was from his wife. It read: “Congratulations, my love! I knew you’d get the raise! I prepared this dinner to show just how much I love you. I am so proud of your accomplishments!” He read it and stopped to reflect on how sensitive and caring Tina was.

After dinner, Andrew was on his way to the kitchen to get dessert and he observed that a second card had slipped out of Tina’s pocket on to the ceramic floor. He bent forward to retrieve it. He read: “Don’t worry about not getting the raise! You deserve it anyway! You are a wonderful provider and I prepared this dinner to show you just how much I love you even though you did not get the increase.”

Suddenly tears swelled in Andrew’s eyes. Total acceptance! Tina’s support for him was not conditional upon his success at work.

The fear of rejection is often softened when we know someone loves us regardless of our success or failure. In my experience as a pastor, the strongest encouragement I receive is from the love of our heavenly Father. As long as I am faithful to do my best, God stands behind me no matter what happens. He will not condemn me for my mistakes or failures.

Quite the opposite! He heals my wounds and enables me to make another run for it in the very area where I experience defeat. Another display of the Lord’s acceptance is when He touches me through positive support from my wife.

We can undergo almost any setback or rejection if we know someone else loves us. The first place to start? Begin by discovering the unconditional mercy and compassion of our loving heavenly Father as shown in the gift of His Son Jesus. “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19 NIV).—Story adapted by Louis Lapides
**
BEFORE YOU EVEN FOUND HIM, HE'D ALREADY FOUND YOU.

Every saved person who has ever lived, was a child of God in the Mind of God before the creation of the Earth!

You say, "That sounds like predestination and fatalism, like we have no free will or choice! Which is it?" Well, total free will says that what happens is all your choice and God has nothing to do with it!--That's a doctrine of the Devil! But neither can we Christians believe in total predestination or total fatalism where we have no choice at all. God teaches a balance between the two. He chooses those who choose Him!

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9 ESV


TFI

my dear sweetheart...you are the right person ....at the right
timings...

Finding the right person, a person you want to spend your life with, is the greatest accomplishment one can achieve. Yet, the unfortunate truth is that the right person does not always come at the right time. And that makes all the difference.

Know that you will always be my priority and I will never be too busy with work or too engrossed in a book to notice when you need me....

When you change shape and your face wrinkles over the years, I will love you all the more and understanding it as a sign of all the months and years we have spent together.

i will always try my best to love you for who you are and not try to change you and take away your identity.

I guarantee that your life with me will be unpredictable, exciting and one long adventure. We will explore each other and the world around us and live each day like it was our last.

I will try to be the best nurse possible when you are unwell (as you know I struggle) and I will remember how well you take care of me when roles are reversed.
I’ll always remember to let you know how lucky I am that you have chosen to spend your time and your life with me.

I promise to have faith in you and give you the benefit of the doubt, I will honor your word as I trust you completely

Thinking about a person every day of your life that you know you will never be with is a hell of its own. But it’s not okay.

Love is the only purpose worth living for.

I have a million things that I have been dying to tell you. Goodbye is never one of them.

I think most of us here are waiting for the right one to show up; some actively searching and some passively waiting; even though our profiles may indicate the opposite.

CS is not going to provide a shortcut to instant happiness. We will still have to go through the normal process of getting to know each other and discarding those that we don’t see as fit. CS will only give us more opportunities and with the increased opportunities, there will unfortunately be more failures. The main thing is to remain patient. Look things over and correspond for as long as possible before meeting. No matter how good the front, with enough conversation, the true colors will surface sooner than later.

No, don’t lower your standards if they are realistic because that is what you stand for. However, if they put you out of your league, you cannot expect other to lower their standards to accommodate you if you are not prepared to do it. To reach a compromise does not need to be an unconditional surrender. You will never find that perfect partner. He or she only exists in your imagination.

It is more important that the two of you share the same values and that you are reaching towards the same goals. The details of how to get there can be worked out along the way.

Also, remember that your new partner had a life before you came along. He/she will come to you with a history and possibly some baggage. It is very much like buying a used car. The body may have a few dents, the engine may have a knock, and there may be some things in the trunk, left by the previous owner. But all of that can be fixed. After all, you also have a past with a flaw here and there. You are not perfect either. Nobody is!

Most importantly, consider that your new partner may have the same fears that you have and maybe even one or two additional fears. You don’t know how love treated him/her before and you too may not be exactly what he/she envisaged in his/her mind.

And don’t be blind for his or her shortcomings. If there is anything that you cannot live with, break it off immediately. You cannot change the other person. On the other hand, if you decide that you can live with it, you have to close your eyes to that flaw and live with it.

So, will the right one ever come? Yes but you may only get one chance. Don't squander it.


I hope you enjoy this Friday and the weekend that comes with it!

Last night I went to visit some of my friends whom I hadn't seen in over a year. 8 1/2 yrs ago, I started a singles club in Madison, Wi. which is where I went. We had a great time sharing some experiences that we had gone thru. There was music and dancing and the guy who puts on the music ask me to come up and sing a couple of songs, which I did. I hadn't sang in a long time but the songs came out ok. Had a few compliments. A great night to go out! It was cold outside but no snow. I think I will go back in a couple of weeks and hang with my friends for an evening. Maybe sing a tune or so.

How many of you go and hang out with friends for an evening and have a few drinks? If you haven't tried it lately, treat yourself and do it!

Some days I read through the blogs, skipping the numpties, popping in to see what my favourites have to say, saying little myself, and enjoying CS socials.

Some days, and there is never any warning, I get offended for little or no reason and wham, I'm talking and the feet are kicking themselves to see which one can get into my mouth faster.

Those days I should go away. I'm going now. This blog is just to say sorry if my response on a blog looked abrupt or downright rude. Sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings. Sometimes the fingers are rattling away before the brain is in gear and then too late to hit the brakes, the comment is out there, and it is OTT, because I'm an idiot.