Need a mans point of view (60)
WindinherhairCASRedding, CA, California USA2 Threads 43 PostsSo I have a male friend who had revealed a secret crush on me after 36 years. We recently became in contact via internet. Each time we manage to talk (when he is not busy) he says all the right things and in a way a mirror image of me. There is so much in common. Yet we also live 1500 miles apart. He thinks he may be in love with me, however after we speak for hours on end it appears the next day he just goes off radar. Does not reply to texts for hours and even days. When he does it is one liners such as: "Sorry just got really busy, just go new leads and will ruined my holiday and weekend. Sacrafices we make for success. Have a great week end" Just when I open my heart and trust, it seems he flakes away and evasive. Does not go out of his way to contact me for some time and have those tender talks. Does that mean he is not into me or has someone else hidden? Jerking my heart strings? Or seriously working and does not have time. I thought if a man really cares for a woman, she becomes the center of his universe and cant stop thinking about her, much like women.. Am I wrong? For the past 14 years I have closed and hardened my heart due to past relationships and he began to crumble my wall down I built. This wall is already in rebuild mode. This has been happening over a 2 year period. Please offer advice.. Thank you
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Hi Wind, 
I am not an expert on relationship, but here it goes.
If you don't mind being the spare tire, it's alright. His work will come first and you will play second fiddle until he finds someone to replace you. He might be doing it already to someone else. If you prod too much, he will be gone. Of course he will try to make you feel guilty.
I guess he might feel pretty secure about your emotions as he leaves you hanging to be picked up at a later date. A narcissist perhaps?
I am not an expert on relationship, but here it goes.
If you don't mind being the spare tire, it's alright. His work will come first and you will play second fiddle until he finds someone to replace you. He might be doing it already to someone else. If you prod too much, he will be gone. Of course he will try to make you feel guilty.
I guess he might feel pretty secure about your emotions as he leaves you hanging to be picked up at a later date. A narcissist perhaps?
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Thank you, for your input and honest assessment. I guess truly in my heart of hearts I kind of know the answer as a woman intuition. With that said we women want to give the benefit of doubt and never jump to the wrong conclusion. I don't want to be second, I need to be the center of his attention to know he will always be there when I need him, not be there when he is available. I would rather be alone and lonely than to be in a relationship and alone. :(
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I don't give "advices"... but relationships are only superficial, independent of distance, if you make them so. You dont have to do things in any set way, or let anyone make you feel that way; just do things however feels best for you....
I am sure you have "your" answer..
Good luck
I am sure you have "your" answer..
Good luck
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I'm not a man so just follow ur man :-)
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You're on the back burner. But what kind of a man comes after 36 years to do this..
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WindinherhairCAS: So I have a male friend who had revealed a secret crush on me after 36 years. We recently became in contact via internet. Each time we manage to talk (when he is not busy) he says all the right things and in a way a mirror image of me. There is so much in common. Yet we also live 1500 miles apart. He thinks he may be in love with me, however after we speak for hours on end it appears the next day he just goes off radar. Does not reply to texts for hours and even days. When he does it is one liners such as: "Sorry just got really busy, just go new leads and will ruined my holiday and weekend. Sacrafices we make for success. Have a great week end" Just when I open my heart and trust, it seems he flakes away and evasive. Does not go out of his way to contact me for some time and have those tender talks. Does that mean he is not into me or has someone else hidden? Jerking my heart strings? Or seriously working and does not have time. I thought if a man really cares for a woman, she becomes the center of his universe and cant stop thinking about her, much like women.. Am I wrong? For the past 14 years I have closed and hardened my heart due to past relationships and he began to crumble my wall down I built. This wall is already in rebuild mode. This has been happening over a 2 year period. Please offer advice.. Thank you
2 years - that's a long time for not a lot.
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Bogart. Thank you. While I am not quiet sure what it meant, it gave me no better understanding. While I do not want anyone to treat me this way (who would) I do not know if I am holding on to air or someone who could be the soul mate that once got away. It certainly appears that way when we talk and share.
I know what I would not allow from anyone else and this certainly fits that category. Is it because I know him from my past so I already feel that connection even after 30 plus years? Trust me I never knew this and it appeared he searched me out for years and looked for me everywhere. I did not seek him out. He sought me.
I know what I would not allow from anyone else and this certainly fits that category. Is it because I know him from my past so I already feel that connection even after 30 plus years? Trust me I never knew this and it appeared he searched me out for years and looked for me everywhere. I did not seek him out. He sought me.
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Yeah, that is what it feels like is a back burner.. A man who was young boy at the time who had a major crush on me. Too immature to let me know of these feels when we were younger. I moved away in the middle of summer with my family (had no choice). According to him I haunted his mind all these years as the one who got away. He said he looked for me everywhere .. even in places I did not even know he knew about. He had never found me until two years ago.
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WindinherhairCAS: Bogart. Thank you. While I am not quiet sure what it meant, it gave me no better understanding. While I do not want anyone to treat me this way (who would) I do not know if I am holding on to air or someone who could be the soul mate that once got away. It certainly appears that way when we talk and share.
I know what I would not allow from anyone else and this certainly fits that category. Is it because I know him from my past so I already feel that connection even after 30 plus years? Trust me I never knew this and it appeared he searched me out for years and looked for me everywhere. I did not seek him out. He sought me.
I know what I would not allow from anyone else and this certainly fits that category. Is it because I know him from my past so I already feel that connection even after 30 plus years? Trust me I never knew this and it appeared he searched me out for years and looked for me everywhere. I did not seek him out. He sought me.
you have "your" answer already.. independently of who "sought who".. "I know what I would not allow from anyone else and this certainly fits that category"
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Yes it is..
KNenagh: 2 years - that's a long time for not a lot.
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WindinherhairCAS: So I have a male friend who had revealed a secret crush on me after 36 years. We recently became in contact via internet. Each time we manage to talk (when he is not busy) he says all the right things and in a way a mirror image of me. There is so much in common. Yet we also live 1500 miles apart. He thinks he may be in love with me, however after we speak for hours on end it appears the next day he just goes off radar. Does not reply to texts for hours and even days. When he does it is one liners such as: "Sorry just got really busy, just go new leads and will ruined my holiday and weekend. Sacrafices we make for success. Have a great week end" Just when I open my heart and trust, it seems he flakes away and evasive. Does not go out of his way to contact me for some time and have those tender talks. Does that mean he is not into me or has someone else hidden? Jerking my heart strings? Or seriously working and does not have time. I thought if a man really cares for a woman, she becomes the center of his universe and cant stop thinking about her, much like women.. Am I wrong? For the past 14 years I have closed and hardened my heart due to past relationships and he began to crumble my wall down I built. This wall is already in rebuild mode. This has been happening over a 2 year period. Please offer advice.. Thank you
Maybe he's married or in a relationship.
Evasiveness is a red flag and two years of putting up with it is excessive imho. Don't let matters of the heart cloud your common sense. ------ This thread is Archived ------
Thanks... That is why I am asking men.. Us Women would have already come to that conclusion too, as I am facing right now. If I am not worth the effort of at least "good morning, having a great day, talk to you when I can get free" little note.. then I am not worth being on that back burner. No matter how long it took for him to track me down!
Bogart_1960: you have "your" answer already.. independently of who "sought who".. "I know what I would not allow from anyone else and this certainly fits that category"
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lol.. when it comes to love when do we women have common sense.. lol. that appears thrown out the door the moment we feel emotions. haha. but your are all right. putting it into words.. each are giving me my own advise. Just sometimes we wonder if we are in the same realm as the rest of the world when lost in that possibility of the love ever after syndrome.
2intrigued: Maybe he's married or in a relationship. Evasiveness is a red flag and two years of putting up with it is excessive imho. Don't let matters of the heart cloud your common sense.
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WindinherhairCAS: So I have a male friend who had revealed a secret crush on me after 36 years. We recently became in contact via internet. Each time we manage to talk (when he is not busy) he says all the right things and in a way a mirror image of me. There is so much in common. Yet we also live 1500 miles apart. He thinks he may be in love with me, however after we speak for hours on end it appears the next day he just goes off radar. Does not reply to texts for hours and even days. When he does it is one liners such as: "Sorry just got really busy, just go new leads and will ruined my holiday and weekend. Sacrafices we make for success. Have a great week end" Just when I open my heart and trust, it seems he flakes away and evasive. Does not go out of his way to contact me for some time and have those tender talks. Does that mean he is not into me or has someone else hidden? Jerking my heart strings? Or seriously working and does not have time. I thought if a man really cares for a woman, she becomes the center of his universe and cant stop thinking about her, much like women.. Am I wrong? For the past 14 years I have closed and hardened my heart due to past relationships and he began to crumble my wall down I built. This wall is already in rebuild mode. This has been happening over a 2 year period. Please offer advice.. Thank you
2 years of unfulfilled hope.
Sometimes the best direction to go is to move on, even when your heart doesn't want to.
I am not implying this is the case in your situation, but it has been my experience, more than once, that when a man shows short spursts of intense interest, yet disappears for periods of time, is suddenly too busy to send a message, etc...he is not available - He is married.
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WindinherhairCAS: lol.. when it comes to love when do we women have common sense.. lol. that appears thrown out the door the moment we feel emotions. haha. but your are all right. putting it into words.. each are giving me my own advise. Just sometimes we wonder if we are in the same realm as the rest of the world when lost in that possibility of the love ever after syndrome.
This may sound harsh but it's time we tuck away the fairy tale books we read as children. Just recently, I was contacted by a highschool sweetheart who sought me out and proclaimed his undying love for me...said we are soulmates. We chatted for awhile and he would disappear for weeks then contact me again. It turns out that he's married but his wife is having an affair at which time I told him that I'm not interested in getting involved with a married man. Haven't heard from him since.
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So far you've said nothing other than supposition regarding what might be going on with him.
When you've spoken to him about the way you feel regarding the intermittant contact and expressed your needs, how has he responded?
When you've spoken to him about the way you feel regarding the intermittant contact and expressed your needs, how has he responded?
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WindinherhairCAS: So I have a male friend who had revealed a secret crush on me after 36 years. We recently became in contact via internet. Each time we manage to talk (when he is not busy) he says all the right things and in a way a mirror image of me. There is so much in common. Yet we also live 1500 miles apart. He thinks he may be in love with me, however after we speak for hours on end it appears the next day he just goes off radar. Does not reply to texts for hours and even days. When he does it is one liners such as: "Sorry just got really busy, just go new leads and will ruined my holiday and weekend. Sacrafices we make for success. Have a great week end" Just when I open my heart and trust, it seems he flakes away and evasive. Does not go out of his way to contact me for some time and have those tender talks. Does that mean he is not into me or has someone else hidden? Jerking my heart strings? Or seriously working and does not have time. I thought if a man really cares for a woman, she becomes the center of his universe and cant stop thinking about her, much like women.. Am I wrong? For the past 14 years I have closed and hardened my heart due to past relationships and he began to crumble my wall down I built. This wall is already in rebuild mode. This has been happening over a 2 year period. Please offer advice.. Thank you
You may find this hard to believe but even middle aged Men can fall heads over heals ,yet we have enough experience to fall back and cool off for a day or two and not to show how much we really care,Why???
Cause we are fragile being and if our heart get broken once again we may lose our faith, dignity and common sense,for ever ...
The last thing you wanna hear is a Man`s opinion,
We ,Men ,stick together ...
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Its always the same with women, Ive had this situation a few times my self.
I start chatting to an interesting woman, we become friends on facebook and we chat on and off.
Then she gets aggressive and every time I open fb she is there and starts to chat.
I dont like to stay on the computer for hours every day, I have work to do and on my free time I like to do something else then talk about nothing on the computer.
I like to be able have a quick look at fb without being stuck there for hours chatting so sometimes I block them for chat.
The sooner or later they become frustrated and start complaining about my absence and then I throw them out.
Happens again and again
I start chatting to an interesting woman, we become friends on facebook and we chat on and off.
Then she gets aggressive and every time I open fb she is there and starts to chat.
I dont like to stay on the computer for hours every day, I have work to do and on my free time I like to do something else then talk about nothing on the computer.
I like to be able have a quick look at fb without being stuck there for hours chatting so sometimes I block them for chat.
The sooner or later they become frustrated and start complaining about my absence and then I throw them out.
Happens again and again
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Kaybee50: Talk to him. Communicate openly. Share with him what you just to said to me. It is worth it.
No, dont do that.
Give him time and some space and dont make demands
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