How do you keep your 'Love' alive: Despite time, aging, quarrells, sickness.....? (160)
Lonely1: and forgetting.
Hi Lonely
So is forgiving but I don't forget and I also don't hold a grudge nor try to get even cause two wrongs don't make a right.
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If you want to keep your love alive...don't shoot her when she comes home with your new truck wrecked because she was texting.
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Besame: If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be on a dating website
Of course you would... How else could we possibly get to see that pretty smiling face..
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Lonely1: and forgetting.
No, no, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never forget...
Always allow the resentment to slowly fester in the back of the mine so one can have ammo to do a future battle..
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somechick: Being loving and sharing love keeps love alive. Being loving and sharing love means:
When each person learns to take responsibility for their own feelings rather than making the other person responsible for their feelings of worth, lovability, security, happiness, joy or pain.
When each person has their own and their partner’s highest good at heart. when we both support our own and our partner’s joy and well being. Both of us are considerate of the other person without giving ourselves up.
When each person chooses to be honest and authentic about how we feel and what we want and don’t want. That we are each willing to speak our truth without blame or judgment.
That each person stays open to learning about our own and our partner’s wants, needs, and fears, especially in conflict.
I think what keeps love alive is each person’s willingness to do whatever inner work is necessary to keep the heart open to loving and learning. Controlling behavior is motivated by fear – of loss of self and loss of other, of engulfment and rejection, of smothering and abandonment.
When each person is willing to do the inner work necessary to heal these fears, they are able to keep their hearts open more and more of the time. Love flows freely when hearts are open to loving and learning.JMO
When each person learns to take responsibility for their own feelings rather than making the other person responsible for their feelings of worth, lovability, security, happiness, joy or pain.
When each person has their own and their partner’s highest good at heart. when we both support our own and our partner’s joy and well being. Both of us are considerate of the other person without giving ourselves up.
When each person chooses to be honest and authentic about how we feel and what we want and don’t want. That we are each willing to speak our truth without blame or judgment.
That each person stays open to learning about our own and our partner’s wants, needs, and fears, especially in conflict.
I think what keeps love alive is each person’s willingness to do whatever inner work is necessary to keep the heart open to loving and learning. Controlling behavior is motivated by fear – of loss of self and loss of other, of engulfment and rejection, of smothering and abandonment.
When each person is willing to do the inner work necessary to heal these fears, they are able to keep their hearts open more and more of the time. Love flows freely when hearts are open to loving and learning.JMO
X hits the spot! She has it right!
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somechick: Hi Lonely
So is forgiving but I don't forget and I also don't hold a grudge nor try to get even cause two wrongs don't make a right.
So is forgiving but I don't forget and I also don't hold a grudge nor try to get even cause two wrongs don't make a right.
I always knew you were not human. You must be an angel!
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HJFinAZ: No, no, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never forget...
Always allow the resentment to slowly fester in the back of the mine so one can have ammo to do a future battle..
Always allow the resentment to slowly fester in the back of the mine so one can have ammo to do a future battle..
I always knew you were human!
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Lonely1: So true, Sommer. Sometimes I feel, however, that a little shaking up, so to speak, is in order. I mean, if I am always coming home drunk, which upsets you, and you argue with me about it, you would think I would learn, right?
I think some marriages end because some people don't learn from their mistakes......etc. Also some mistakes are forgiven, but never forgotten. So we always think about it and wonder when it is going to happen again. Plus, when we believe someone deliberately set out to hurt us, the line between forgive and forget becomes blurred.
Of course, my feeling is that some divorces first began as a dare, and for no other good reason. JMO
I think some marriages end because some people don't learn from their mistakes......etc. Also some mistakes are forgiven, but never forgotten. So we always think about it and wonder when it is going to happen again. Plus, when we believe someone deliberately set out to hurt us, the line between forgive and forget becomes blurred.
Of course, my feeling is that some divorces first began as a dare, and for no other good reason. JMO
I want to challenge you on your final statement...
Perhaps you can upack that one for me...
If my partner comes home drunk all the time, then I would approach it this way..'Darling, I fear for your health, perhaps we could look at ways to deal with your cominng home drunk every night' The operative word being 'we' Not 'you' are doing this.
I would not argue about it, it is pointless, all that achieves is the other party justifying their reasons in continuing this behaviour.
If a person is unhappy, I would spot it, if a person said 'I no longer want to be with you' I would accept as hard as it is...
True grounded love comes from understanding, being able to vocalise, speaking up for oneself, helping, supporting, loving, assisting, not spitefulness and vengeance...
Then after all that, the person continues, then that is the time to close the door, if you love that person you will try to reapir the situation, if you cannot then you have to close the door.
Ultimatums are not always the key, but after everything, trying everything and it still does not work, then that is the time to say goodbye...
Love is trying it all, when all has ran out, then love is no longer a factor...
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Sommerauer71: I want to challenge you on your final statement...
Perhaps you can upack that one for me...
If my partner comes home drunk all the time, then I would approach it this way..'Darling, I fear for your health, perhaps we could look at ways to deal with your cominng home drunk every night' The operative word being 'we' Not 'you' are doing this.
I would not argue about it, it is pointless, all that achieves is the other party justifying their reasons in continuing this behaviour.
If a person is unhappy, I would spot it, if a person said 'I no longer want to be with you' I would accept as hard as it is...
True grounded love comes from understanding, being able to vocalise, speaking up for oneself, helping, supporting, loving, assisting, not spitefulness and vengeance...
Then after all that, the person continues, then that is the time to close the door, if you love that person you will try to reapir the situation, if you cannot then you have to close the door.
Ultimatums are not always the key, but after everything, trying everything and it still does not work, then that is the time to say goodbye...
Love is trying it all, when all has ran out, then love is no longer a factor...
Perhaps you can upack that one for me...
If my partner comes home drunk all the time, then I would approach it this way..'Darling, I fear for your health, perhaps we could look at ways to deal with your cominng home drunk every night' The operative word being 'we' Not 'you' are doing this.
I would not argue about it, it is pointless, all that achieves is the other party justifying their reasons in continuing this behaviour.
If a person is unhappy, I would spot it, if a person said 'I no longer want to be with you' I would accept as hard as it is...
True grounded love comes from understanding, being able to vocalise, speaking up for oneself, helping, supporting, loving, assisting, not spitefulness and vengeance...
Then after all that, the person continues, then that is the time to close the door, if you love that person you will try to reapir the situation, if you cannot then you have to close the door.
Ultimatums are not always the key, but after everything, trying everything and it still does not work, then that is the time to say goodbye...
Love is trying it all, when all has ran out, then love is no longer a factor...
This one needs some serious thought. BRB.
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Lonely1: I always knew you were human!
SShhhhhhhh!!!! I prefer to keep that part of me unknown..
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Sommerauer71:
If my partner comes home drunk all the time, then I would approach it this way..'Darling, I fear for your health, perhaps we could look at ways to deal with your cominng home drunk every night' The operative word being 'we' Not 'you' are doing this.
If my partner comes home drunk all the time, then I would approach it this way..'Darling, I fear for your health, perhaps we could look at ways to deal with your cominng home drunk every night' The operative word being 'we' Not 'you' are doing this.
May wish to consider an Al Anon meeting or 2...
It took a few years, but I finally learned I could change nobody but me..
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HJFinAZ: May wish to consider an Al Anon meeting or 2...
It took a few years, but I finally learned I could change nobody but me..
It took a few years, but I finally learned I could change nobody but me..
And I applaud you...
Although being drunk and alcoholism are very much two different matters...
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Lonely1: This one needs some serious thought. BRB.
This one is too deep for me. Still need some more time to think.
For some reason, my brain seem to have blown a fuse on this one. Is it like saying " I love you though you hurt me so, so I have to pack my things and go?"
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Lonely1: This one is too deep for me. Still need some more time to think.
For some reason, my brain seem to have blown a fuse on this one. Is it like saying " I love you though you hurt me so, so I have to pack my things and go?"
For some reason, my brain seem to have blown a fuse on this one. Is it like saying " I love you though you hurt me so, so I have to pack my things and go?"
Take your time, L, the words will come when you are ready...
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Sommerauer71: Take your time, L, the words will come when you are ready...
I think I have met my match.
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Lonely1: I think I have met my match.
Do you?
Well. what are you going to do?
I know, take another 36 hours to think about it...
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Sommerauer71: Do you?
Well. what are you going to do?
I know, take another 36 hours to think about it...
Well. what are you going to do?
I know, take another 36 hours to think about it...
Actually, Sommer, You are a very smart woman. I know many men and women on this site would make excellent partners, but various events occur in our lives. I don't know why people do the things they do to mess up their 'Love' lives, but we all do, or someone else does it to us.
I don't think I can force a woman who does not like to talk, to talk, plus what would you do if you met a man who never shuts up?
God help us if we are square pegs who falls in love with round holes
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Here are some things I did in my marriage.
The first thing you want to do is add a little excitement now and then. Pretend it’s your first date and dress and bathe and act accordingly. Don’t assume because she loves you she won’t care that you’re slovenly or don’t listen to his stories.
Change the old routines a little, liven up your schedule. Add a little excitement, a little romantic night on the town, a cozy winter’s night by the fireplace in a cabin in the woods for the weekend.
Set aside one day a week, or at least every two weeks for a few hours alone together, with absolutely no interruptions. Be spontaneous.
Put your partner back on the pedestal you had her or him on when you first fell in love. Be realistic of course, but focus on his or her unique gifts.
How to keep your love alive is to remind yourself that your partner is special. Buy yourself a journal or a notebook. Write down what he or she does each day that makes him or her sweet or loving or special in your eyes. Write down as well how you felt about your mate when you first met. Look at how those things still exist.
How to keep your love alive is to let your love inside your head and your heart. If you find yourself criticizing, stop. Even if your complaint is valid, it’s often about a minor detail that can be overlooked. After all, keeping your love alive isn’t minor.
Understanding both of your expectations and realizing what can and can’t be fulfilled – what is and isn’t realistic is part of how to keep your love alive as well. Sometimes we have disappointments in our life that we blame on our partner, and it’s really our own failures – or caused by outside forces.
Sometimes we fixate on what we didn’t get to the point that we’re unable to see what gifts we do have. Focusing on the positive things that have come from our relationship is part of how to keep your love alive.
Another realization that’s important as well, is that our mates, our partners, our spouses are not responsible for our own happiness. We are responsible for our happiness. Putting too much responsibility on our partners to make us happy is not fair, and a hefty burden for her or him to carry.
Making a happy and fulfilled bit of life outside of your relationship with your mate is part of how to keep your love alive as well.
The first thing you want to do is add a little excitement now and then. Pretend it’s your first date and dress and bathe and act accordingly. Don’t assume because she loves you she won’t care that you’re slovenly or don’t listen to his stories.
Change the old routines a little, liven up your schedule. Add a little excitement, a little romantic night on the town, a cozy winter’s night by the fireplace in a cabin in the woods for the weekend.
Set aside one day a week, or at least every two weeks for a few hours alone together, with absolutely no interruptions. Be spontaneous.
Put your partner back on the pedestal you had her or him on when you first fell in love. Be realistic of course, but focus on his or her unique gifts.
How to keep your love alive is to remind yourself that your partner is special. Buy yourself a journal or a notebook. Write down what he or she does each day that makes him or her sweet or loving or special in your eyes. Write down as well how you felt about your mate when you first met. Look at how those things still exist.
How to keep your love alive is to let your love inside your head and your heart. If you find yourself criticizing, stop. Even if your complaint is valid, it’s often about a minor detail that can be overlooked. After all, keeping your love alive isn’t minor.
Understanding both of your expectations and realizing what can and can’t be fulfilled – what is and isn’t realistic is part of how to keep your love alive as well. Sometimes we have disappointments in our life that we blame on our partner, and it’s really our own failures – or caused by outside forces.
Sometimes we fixate on what we didn’t get to the point that we’re unable to see what gifts we do have. Focusing on the positive things that have come from our relationship is part of how to keep your love alive.
Another realization that’s important as well, is that our mates, our partners, our spouses are not responsible for our own happiness. We are responsible for our happiness. Putting too much responsibility on our partners to make us happy is not fair, and a hefty burden for her or him to carry.
Making a happy and fulfilled bit of life outside of your relationship with your mate is part of how to keep your love alive as well.
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Oopie forgot husband did.
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