My daughter is 12 years old. Though I haven't dated all of these years, I have dated some through the years. Never anything serious. So she's really only spent much time with one man that I dated and that was this past fall. We laughed about Scott dating both of us because she was almost always included in what we did.
Other than that, it's always been a rule of mine to keep Emily away from the men I've dated. I knew none were serious relationships, so there was no need for her to be involved at all.
ClaayerWild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK15,888 posts
dcj22: My daughter is 12 years old. Though I haven't dated all of these years, I have dated some through the years. Never anything serious. So she's really only spent much time with one man that I dated and that was this past fall. We laughed about Scott dating both of us because she was almost always included in what we did. Other than that, it's always been a rule of mine to keep Emily away from the men I've dated. I knew none were serious relationships, so there was no need for her to be involved at all.
I've been on my own since my daughter was 2, her dad decided not to be a part of her life so it's always been just the two of us. I never considered dating or relationships until she was 16. Between work, her gymnastics, she was a competitive gymnast, traveling all over the country for meets, spending time with family, having her friends at the house... there was no time to consider a social life and i felt it would detract from our relationship if I were focusing half my energy on someone else.
I did feel that since her dad wasn't around that she needed good male role models... my father, brothers, and best friend filled this role admirably. The hardest thing about making the decision to raise my daughter the way I did is the void when she became independent and move on with her life. She fell in love with a wonderful Australian guy and after being together for 2 years moved to Australia. The hardest thing I ever did was put her on that plane. After years of defining myself as "Jens mom" all of a sudden I had to learn who Jacquie was.
I had traveled throughout the states prior to getting married and always had a desire to see the rest of the world, so I sold everything I owned and bought a backpack and began an amazing 3 year journey. When I called my daughter to tell her what I was doing I was worried that she would feel abandoned, or insecure because the home she grew up in would be gone. Instead she said that she had been feeling guilty having left me "on my own". She was so happy that I was going to explore and have a life that it made it OK for her to have made the decision to move.
So now we live on opposite sides of the world, but are still as close to each other as ever. I miss being able to wrap my arms around her, but knowing that she is happy and in an amazing relationship allows me to pursue my own happiness and having a mom that is happy with her life allows her to enjoy her life and the decisions she made.
I know a lot of people would question my choice to focus all of my time and energy on my daughter, but I see the end result, a happy well adjusted woman with a great job, in a loving relationship for the past 9 years (getting married march 2009 ) and I know I did the right thing.
So MF I didn't vote in the poll because none of the options would be something that I would choose.
anyway a coupla people voted just to skew the results- (i hope they werent being sincere-)
well i think the kansan had a very unique situation didnt really apply to my question but always nice to see more of each others' journey
flower and i have older kids-so we get good feedback
i just wonder, since the only women posting here are so mature (able to self sacrifice-which is good parenting) and sensible, welllll- am i nuts? does this kind of thing not happen at all? puuuhlease!
mindfful: poo on you jb it is your obligation to vote!
i just wonder, since the only women posting here are so mature (able to self sacrifice-which is good parenting) and sensible, welllll- am i nuts? does this kind of thing not happen at all? puuuhlease!
I was out last night and saw a young mother out with her 9 month old baby, in a bar. Baby was in a stroller stuck in the corner while mom was making a play for everything in the bar... somehow I don't think she'll be to worried about merging families... stuff like this makes you believe in mandatory sterilization!!!!
ClaayerWild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK15,888 posts
jbibiza: I've been on my own since my daughter was 2, her dad decided not to be a part of her life so it's always been just the two of us. I never considered dating or relationships until she was 16. Between work, her gymnastics, she was a competitive gymnast, traveling all over the country for meets, spending time with family, having her friends at the house... there was no time to consider a social life and i felt it would detract from our relationship if I were focusing half my energy on someone else.
I did feel that since her dad wasn't around that she needed good male role models... my father, brothers, and best friend filled this role admirably. The hardest thing about making the decision to raise my daughter the way I did is the void when she became independent and move on with her life. She fell in love with a wonderful Australian guy and after being together for 2 years moved to Australia. The hardest thing I ever did was put her on that plane. After years of defining myself as "Jens mom" all of a sudden I had to learn who Jacquie was.
I had traveled throughout the states prior to getting married and always had a desire to see the rest of the world, so I sold everything I owned and bought a backpack and began an amazing 3 year journey. When I called my daughter to tell her what I was doing I was worried that she would feel abandoned, or insecure because the home she grew up in would be gone. Instead she said that she had been feeling guilty having left me "on my own". She was so happy that I was going to explore and have a life that it made it OK for her to have made the decision to move.
So now we live on opposite sides of the world, but are still as close to each other as ever. I miss being able to wrap my arms around her, but knowing that she is happy and in an amazing relationship allows me to pursue my own happiness and having a mom that is happy with her life allows her to enjoy her life and the decisions she made.
I know a lot of people would question my choice to focus all of my time and energy on my daughter, but I see the end result, a happy well adjusted woman with a great job, in a loving relationship for the past 9 years (getting married march 2009 ) and I know I did the right thing.
So MF I didn't vote in the poll because none of the options would be something that I would choose.
ClaayerWild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK15,888 posts
jbibiza: I was out last night and saw a young mother out with her 9 month old baby, in a bar. Baby was in a stroller stuck in the corner while mom was making a play for everything in the bar... somehow I don't think she'll be to worried about merging families... stuff like this makes you believe in mandatory sterilization!!!!
goodness-where are peoples mothers? which is wrong to say because in US more grandparents are parenting thier grandkids- i forget but its a really high percentage golden years snatched by a second go round w/ kiddies
Hugz_n_Kissez: I can't really put a time frame on it...I do know not too soon though until the kids have got to know the person extremely well and are comfortable with him and with the idea of someone else moving in...They would have a say in it too....My kids are 16....
I agree with you.The kids have a say in everything and should be comfortable with the new situation first.
ClaayerWild Wild South West, Cornwall, England UK15,888 posts
mindfful: i was not quite that waygoodness-where are peoples mothers? which is wrong to say because in US more grandparents are parenting thier grandkids- i forget but its a really high percentage golden years snatched by a second go round w/ kiddies
that right i bumped my own thread
baaad gurrrl yooooo
I alwasy feel sorry for Grandparents that end up raising children all over again.. I suppose for some they love it and it keeps'em young.. and all that...
But I always think.. if you spent all those years doing that the first time around.. now is YOUR time.
point some are making is that its not the kids' responsibility...
but age is a big factor there i 'spose...
im just resentful of you that youre not knee deep in snow- dont mind me
claayer what i have seen so often sorry to say these kids are given to the same group of people that raised the first group of screw ups
i have seen and worked w/ grandparents that clearly were a part of the drug use/jail etc for their own kids and have now been charged to care for their grandkids?
its sad and depressing.
these threads should just be combined its all sad, almost hopeless either its divorce or future divorce from poor planning sad.
Claayer: Thats lovely.. what a fantastic (selfless) mum!
Thanks Claire, but I really don't look at it like that... it was more about circumstances.
Had Jen's dad chosen to be a part of her life then I would have had time available to date and socialize, it just happened that wasn't the case. I was blessed in having a daughter that I genuinely like, we all love our kids, but that doesn't mean we necessarily like them. So I really enjoyed time spent with her and her friends...there was always on or two of her friends that spent the night 3 or 4 nights a week and with it being a house of "girls" we had lots of beauty nights... manicures and face masks and lots of silliness. I loved my time spent as a mom... the difficult thing was letting go and having to face a life that didn't have her in it everyday!
jbibiza: Thanks Claire, but I really don't look at it like that... it was more about circumstances.
Had Jen's dad chosen to be a part of her life then I would have had time available to date and socialize, it just happened that wasn't the case. I was blessed in having a daughter that I genuinely like, we all love our kids, but that doesn't mean we necessarily like them. So I really enjoyed time spent with her and her friends...there was always on or two of her friends that spent the night 3 or 4 nights a week and with it being a house of "girls" we had lots of beauty nights... manicures and face masks and lots of silliness. I loved my time spent as a mom... the difficult thing was letting go and having to face a life that didn't have her in it everyday!
omygosh this is my story exactly and i cry sometimes to think what it will feel like when its over but im glad too, as you said that my focus was home mine is well adjusted healthier than me she cracks me up i am astonished at the healthy choices she makes for herself
mindfful: omygosh this is my story exactly and i cry sometimes to think what it will feel like when its over but im glad too, as you said that my focus was home mine is well adjusted healthier than me she cracks me up i am astonished at the healthy choices she makes for herself
but i am sure i will adjust i look forward to it
You should have seen the mess I was when she first told me she was moving to Austrialia... I hid it from her, but the nights of tears and fears... What would I have in life without her? You do adjust... and find another life and happiness, especially when you know they are happy and have a good life.
Like you, my daughter is so much smarter then I ever was... and has made such good choices in her life... I look at her and think... how the hell did she come from me?????
jbibiza: You should have seen the mess I was when she first told me she was moving to Austrialia... I hid it from her, but the nights of tears and fears... What would I have in life without her? You do adjust... and find another life and happiness, especially when you know they are happy and have a good life.
Like you, my daughter is so much smarter then I ever was... and has made such good choices in her life... I look at her and think... how the hell did she come from me?????
You make me write like you
teehee
women been similar places chipped and molded into similar spaces its all good follow me to the dark side sweetie we have cookies
the cookies are 6 ft tall and have names like biff and hans and jared
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