symbolistartist Forum Posts (761)

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

LOL well you live in Italy... did you give up your birthright to live in lovely England as so many others here? And still you complain...?? There's no arguing about this, only realizing we all have our preferences... snow in the streets... can be really charming at times but honestly; I'm sick of biking on badly tended roads with lethal ice underneath for 6 months in a row... no no no there has to be a happy medium!

RE: Why...

Hm Sommer it's simple for some... others are genuinely shy. For instance if I reach out for human beings I get rejected 90 % of the time... It's funny but it works much better the other way around. Dunno why for sure. But we all should face our fears, honestly, it's the only way forward!

RE: Why...

I'm in - for the makeover! Ha sounds like fun, especially since I tend to see POTENTIAL in men and think that they are DIAMONDS IN THE ROUGH

Seriously, Amaryllis's point is basic however I'd cut down on the good smells because many women have very sensitive noses plus they say that we pick a mate on the base of smell... so don't cover up your natural testosterone smelling odours too much! However being clean and well groomed is what we all enjoy and the reason many men simply never get a second date... Yep, it's no fun being a mother to a guy, sorry but there are better things to focus on!

RE: IF YOU COULD LIVE YOUR LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO COME BACK AS THE SAME PERSON IS SO Y

Thanks Gilly!
This body has only provided me with challenges and though I think I've conquered most of them I certainly wouldn't want to live the same life over again... I expect a more rewarding time in the next round!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

About the other things the guys are talking about, I think I've added enough comments.
Sunshine... hm, seems some people worship the suns and other actually love changeable weather... I'm of the second type and could not consider living with eternal sunshine. Would seem very boring and I'd feel sweaty and uncomfortable all the time... Where I'm at is too cold but a little bit more temperate... and it would be perfect! On the other hand climate change makes it impossible to predict what place would be the best one in the future...

RE: Who is dating who here in CS?

The audacity!!! I'm certainly not dating Gilly so there! Actually my current date is not from this site at all though there are vibes in the air here too lol...

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Yep, what I said about repeating dysfunctional patterns is not only what I think personally but they are more or less accepted psychological facts. The trick is how to get out of them... Seems to me many a self-help book is just a waste of time and money, 'cause in the end truth is usually pretty simple (well in my world anyway). We all crave for love so there's a phase most seem to go through when they have a chance to see the falsehood in co-dependency - that's when you think another person will complete you and you get overly attached to their presence in your life.

Venere08 mentioned the idea of wanting someone to complete you vs enhance your life. I'm not sure how to define the idea of "completing" someone else but we get the drift and I certainly think this distinction is important to keep in mind. I think that to some extent we MUST as humans be dependent on each other and so sometimes Western-style independence is IMO rather exaggerated. I suppose in some way we can be dependent but in more detached rather than attached way (not speaking of emotional attachment but in the way mentioned earlier, if you get my lingo).

I'm sure awareness of the traps plus some hard earned experience helps in becoming better at judging character and knowing that we deserve and can have the good stuff. I'm hooked on problem-solving so wonder at times if a sound person would bore me, LOL; but I know it's not the way to go anymore.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Thank you! Likewise! I see such wonderful female intelligence here, no way will I stay away for long!

Am trying to re-work my sleeping schedule so it would even remotely fit a potential partner, it's hard work and I'm tired and volatile but the energy is good!

RE: WE ARE GODS!

Haha I like that one! I hate ASSumptions as well.
But honestly, what's going on here?? Have you tasted a bit too many wines and not spit in the bowl? I'm curious, what has initiated this state of mind in you?

RE: I want to scream.......

Hey, access your male side, scream when the neighbour is out, and hit the rustfree steel counter if you have one, it bounces really nicely. I'm going to expose myself to ridicule again but many report feeling jumpy and it's apparently due to cosmic events... but Cosmos is a good thing to blame in any case, isn't it? There's not really any need to DEAL with Cosmos. I feel my frustration going up too because it's early for once and I should get constructive things done for once... I've become a freaking procrastinator who spends time on meaningless internet sites...

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Ah, Amaryllis;
Thanks, that's nice to hear! Well in reality I can be both profound and silly, but I do take serious things seriously and so striking the balance in relation to other people is not always easy. It's good to find that there are certain people around a lot though, I think that getting to know a group helps a lot rather than just posting among a huge bunch of strangers!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

That's not fair to the lovely lady who has agreed to accompany you on your journey!!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Hello Amaryllis, it certainly seemed as if you were talking about me! Good to hear you didn't think badly of my rants, they got a bit long but I was inspired by all the honest people here.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

If you don't feel you can be yourself on a web cam then you certainly can't be yourself in real life either, that's my opinion.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

I'm confused, was this addressed to me or Rusty_Knight? And if to me, then I'm not sure I understand the contents.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Very good and very important information about human behaviour! People who are insecure will do this invetibly, yet the more intelligent to more subtle and sordid the game can become. Thus more difficult to discern and easier to fall in to the trap of self-blame.

As for online dating; it's certainly just as good way as any of getting to know another person. I find that the various avenues (mailing, chatting and talking with a web cam on Skype) all give different forms of information about a person. Not bad at all for starters!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Sorry the first part of my post was a quote from Sommerauer but in shortening it I must have deleted some signs that it was one!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Oh and by the way, isn't female intuition remarkable? How can a man do without?!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Phoenix I already TOLD you this is worth reading through, why don't you ever listen to me????

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

I'd be more than happy to create a list of all the problems I am sure I can dig out without to much trouble!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Yeah, this was the kind of response I get from men, while venere08 and Amaryllis understood perfectly what I was talking about... how strange is that? I knew I shouldn't have said this but I want to be honest about something that is perhaps on other people's mind as well. I certainly am not accepting first made offer, in that case I'd be elsewhere since 20 years! It's really a case of those dreams we are "supposed" to have, and a feeling that I'm supposed to end up in another place. I certainly wouldn't "use" anyone for this purpose, in reality I would still have to do most of the work myself but I think that asking for a little muscle power is not too much to ask! I also think that if someone did this for love it would only be a very natural beginning of an exchange of help and support that should continue throughout the relationship. I'm also concerned about not being dependent on anyone financially, at least not to any considerable extent. But then I trust that life helps those who help themselves and I also believe in fate which those who don't wouldn't be able to grasp. Plus on top of all this, I wouldn't just leave my home straight ahead but would try it out with great care first. I've considered this before and learned from my mistakes though nothing really dramatic happened. I also expect that the guy at the other end has a mind of his own and evaluates the situation as he sees fit. So how could I use a grown, intelligent man? That would be rather sad!! Certainly not in keeping with what I said about relationships earlier in this thread.

Have to say Rusty_Knight's story is lovely, I'd certainly be bent on calling that destiny!

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

I get a lot of "why don't you get your life together, move somewhere, then find a partner". I think that's a cliché. Finding a partner first would help me in many ways; I would have a goal and most likely also some help in relocating. People have advice when they know nothing of a person's life circumstances. I think it's unfair to generalize or compare people in this respect. The same goes for solitude; people love to tell me that I have to embrace solitude first before I can be happy in a relationship. But I HAVE. To death! I don't feel that being alone is my path anylonger. It's as simple as that. So I will keep getting wiser and more discerning but also stay open for that day when "it" happens.

Guriman, I wouldn't say you're deluding yourself, that's a bit harsh; it's just a choice and right now for whatever reason you don't want to do the work that a relationship requires. It's your freedom of choice. And isn't it great; we do have so much freedom of choice these days! It's confusing yet incredibly liberating at the same time. And we don't even have to get married or live together in order to have a fulfilling relationship. Anything is possible...

I have to admit that I really hated splitting up from my ex because I knew I wouldn't be happy looking for someone new. Call it premonition or whatever... these years have been utter misery though I've learned as much as possible during that time. I really don't fancy the dating game though and look forward to having a stable relationship that will not lack the right elements.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Well that was very well said and I hope you will sleep well! Just to add that some of those past scripts often don't surface until we REALLY have to get along with another person - to be dependent on someone (hopefully not co-dependent but anyway) can bring up VERY deep insecurities.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Thanks! My mom was brought up along 19th C principles so at times I was rather strict and my ex got very nervous about it, but apparently no real harm was done since he seems to be doing quite well now at the age of 15 Yeah I certainly felt a VERY urgent need to rectify some terrible lack in manners and knowledge of human interaction that this poor boy had because of his very sick mother who later committed suicide.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Correction!
...after all we're talking TWO complete strangers who suddenly get together and share such a huge chunk of THEIR LIVES.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

Well yeah it's a good question, I have always been into personal growth but have felt that I've grown the most in the daily interaction with someone I had to get along with - after all we're talking to complete strangers who suddenly get together and share such a huge chunk of one's life! But that being said, I have found ways of growing on my own too, though in my case the internet has provided me with the best opportunities. I feel I learn a tremendous lot from interacting with people online. I'm sure if I was in working life I could learn too but the internet can be as intense as you like and so you can get a lot out of it if you really want to (though sometimes I get freaking tired of it all, lol).

Then we have the case of therapy: can an intimate relationship take the place of a psychotherapeutic relationship? Personally I've gotten something out of seeing a shrink only a very few times in my life while thinking through my own problems while in a relationship has provided me with much more food for thought. Let's say that has simply been the way things have unfolded in my case but it could certainly be different for someone else.

RE: What defines us in a relationship?

If I may... this thing about getting a great relationship once you don't really need it is certainly an old adage, but I've thought it over and over and come to the conclusion that it's more a question of knowing what you want from a relationship. Some people do need time on their own, maybe for the rest of their lives (like my mom who's not totally adverse to having a partner but really is a bit of a lone wolf and set in her ways). But I certainly think as I stated earlier that I rather grow as a person within a relationship and REALLY get to the bottom of any pathology I may still carry with me, since an intimate relationship is the best place to do so IMO. However, many of us can't have a good one unless we've come to a certain point of self-realization and humility about ourselves. So by no means do we need to be perfect, only openminded enough to really learn through another person.... does that make sense?