symbolistartist Forum Posts (761)

RE: meeting IRL

I'm as struck with awe as you are. For all the same reasons

Comittment - when does it start?

Off to Venus now... the weather is nice and warm and kind of steamy over there... semi-tropical... you might like to try it one day!

RE: meeting IRL

Now fact is many try very hard... As has been stated some of us get good at sensing when something just doesn't seem quite right. My shrink is fascinated to hear about this stuff. And he's a man.

RE: meeting IRL

Hm, I suppose I stand corrected... I must have tried to read inbetween the lines to find that one ??? But I'm so good at it. It saves a lot of reading the lines...

RE: meeting IRL

Comittment - when does it start?

I'm sure we're talking big misunderstanding here! Type "Venus vs Mars" kind of logic LOL

Comittment - when does it start?

Nah... I suppose not. Not from the stories I hear you guys tell! I just have never felt that way myself and wondered how guys always seemed to know right away that we were meant to be together... While I was mostly sure right from the start when someone wasn't going to be right for me! Alas, the smitten ones did confuse me... so I went along with it to my own detriment.

Comittment - when does it start?

This is interesting, because I had a very similar experience by the look of it. A guy I knew was safe, but I didn't like his know-all attitude and how he was showing off his wealth. Ok I don't say no to some cash but he really wasn't my type though he was interested in spiritual things. I wasn't his either. He wrote me some time later that he misses talking to me... kind of. Wtf, it was so smug. Some men just are that way. It's hard to describe in short terms but there's a certain attitude of "well I think you really want me but you're not my type, still I miss you as a friend" that pisses me off.

RE: meeting IRL

Nighty night Ven, been waiting for you to get to bed you bad girl! Will get back to you tomorrow!

RE: meeting IRL

Have to say that woman didn't sound quite right Guiri, sure you deserve better than 11 months of rants!

RE: meeting IRL

Ok now that clarifies some things... Funny how women must always ask and poke in order to get the crucial bits out of a man But I don't think Ven is disbelieving you, she's just in awe just like myself... you just said you don't read in between the lines so well so why are you trying it now?

RE: meeting IRL

Ok, don't want to make you think I'm trying to piss you off here. What I meant was that I literally don't understand what you mean by this "but who is going to another place from one you imagine yourself in" ??

And secondly, I'm with Ven that if you haven't tried out the online dating and meeting and the whole hoolabaloo there's no way you can really relate... thus you may think that people have unrealistic expectations but that's just an assumption, not base in your own experiences. Right?

Double Dating

Ah took me a while to find my way back here. Ok, I'm still not feeling too good but I guess having one of my cats in my lap and having converstations here is not a bad option.

Sorry about your friend... ;-(

Ok well MANKIND was a pun. MANkind. See? The future of men, not women? That's what was on my mind. I'm not too worried about womens ability to survive... but men... They shoot each other all the time and do other crazy stuff. Let's hope they don't throw out some biological weapon that kills us off too. And no I'm not a feminist but just like all other women I have my thoughts on the difficulty of communicating with the Martians... Dunno, some say there will be a brave new world. I try and go there sometimes, in my dreams so to speak. Just to convey some hope to the hopeless...

So... healing pieces? Yes I think they are often a bit simplistic and I don't really go for that. It's not necessarily art, as IMHO art requires some amount of control so as to combine the planned and the unplanned (conscios and subconcious).

It's of no consequence whether someone thinks the same about a piece as I do. I'm making art for the people... when something arrests a person it means it stimulates something in them that needs to be awoken. That can actually help them to heal. Hm, maybe I should put this on my site? It also doesn't matter what I believe in vs what they believe in - I have a piece with a cross and Christians have to see it as a cross.... to me it's the three of life and a symbol of the human body. But both interpretations are valid and don't collide. But there's often a moral story in my pix for the smart ones to see. But I guess it's subliminal messages because it goes through their subconscious, AHAHAHA...

Argh, I made curtains in England... English style... would NEVER do that IRL thank you! Did I say I would do anything with fabric???


Funny enough, I saw "The Page Turner", a French movie about a pianist yesterday. It was ok. "The Pianist" was ok I guess, not a real hit IMO. "The Piano" by Campion was ok too but the music of course is interesting - that's Michael Newman.

Comittment - when does it start?

Actually, what you're saying matches my impression of the men I've dated online a lot. They all seemed smitten, even in love... I kept thinking something is wrong with ME. Now I know better. It wasn't love, it was being in love with the idea of love.

RE: meeting IRL

I don't get this at all? Am I stupid...?
Again, as usual Ven has a point; you can't judge other people's expectations if you have never come across them through this medium!

Comittment - when does it start?

Right, right, I keep forgetting... don't hesitate to remind me!

I'm with Ven in this regard. I think she and I are highly intuitive people with some experience of the written word. A near-psychic ability to read inbetween the lines and ask the right questions and read body language and speech through the webcam too... But...

...alas we all have hopes and dreams and sometimes we get talked into things because it just sounds so freaking alluring or we allow for emotions to pop up when a brighter future seems to stand behind the door. I've never really misjudged anyone though, they more or less matched my impression. However, I did not know if the chemistry would work out. You can ask to find out a bit in that regard but reality is a thing aside.

RE: meeting IRL

I think you know my answer.

RE: meeting IRL

Goodness, now how can this be possible even????

Artist desperately seeking EU men with intellect and heart!

Thanks! The website is a template provided by Vistaprint, not very expensive to keep. I have designed the contents myself. So basically only the curtains are part of the template...

Thanks... yes I have stuffed it with things. Typical me I guess. I like abundance and opulence, but you get none of that here. The oldest building in Helsinki is from 1755. The newer ones i.e. from the Empirical time (early 19th C) or the ones from the turn of the last century (Jugend/Art Nouveau) are wonderful. There's a cathedral in Tampere that I really love, funny since I have a problem with Finnish stuff. But it's from the "Golden Age". Look it up; Tampere Cathedral. The artwork inside is of another symbolist artist. The style has medieval traits to it but in a sort of interesting combination of rustic and sophisticated. Finland is much more crude and down-to-Earth than Sweden. There are similarities but from where I stand Sweden is much prettier and cheerful. Yes, socially speaking Finland is supposed to be great but that's an illusion. Though things are now worse in Sweden than they used to be, it seems poor people do get a lot more than we do.

Oh yes, me and the military boat... right! Sometimes I'm interested in things to do with the military, that's my male side LOL.

Hm well my last "date" thought I was interesting too but then took off. I think at some point interesting gets scary for some.

Artist desperately seeking EU men with intellect and heart!

Actually Gilly my parents did not have a succesful marriage and part of it was because of my dad's envy. It seems to be a recurring theme in my own life but luckily photography isn't that important to me while a lot of guys have it as a hobby. Sure I grew up with cameras and a lot of talk about pictures, which was a good start for me. But they split up when I was 11. So no, I DON'T think it's a good idea. Sometimes a visual artist and a musician for instance could be a good match, or a singer and a maker of music. But envy seems to be a tough ego-trap for many. Plus both are so engrossed in their own creativity, it could get rather lonely. Artists as stated before tend to be a bit self-absorbed and they do most of the time require encouragment and support to really succeed. Self-doubt and problems with judging what is good or bad in terms of their creations are often issues.

Yeah you can check out my playlists if you want, but there's stuff there that I only found on the internet such as Sound of Buddha and stuff lacking that I didn't find on the net... I'm always looking for new music but what I have on my website is supposed to support the contents of each page. Plus whatever I could find on youtube.

Now "where have all the flowers gone" is the name of a 70s song and the theme is a bit apocalyptic. Mankind has become empty of real emotions and vulnerability, they are part robots and the land is not fertile anymore. Plain anguish.

There's not much to say about the others really. Buddha is just Buddha and those red suns appeared a lot in my work, something to do with relentless destiny and feelings of vulnerability...

Gotta look up the "more emoticons" option!

Comittment - when does it start?

Not sure, it can be just about anything just as Ven says. You keep talking about unrealistic hopes and dreams, now how do you define that?? Who are you so to speak to judge if someone else's hopes are unrealistic? What makes them such if they really are?

RE: meeting IRL

That's right Guiri now COME ON!!! I gave my loooong story now give us yours!

RE: meeting IRL

When I went on a Swedish dating site one Finnish born guy who was 67 kept bombarding me with stuff about his ability to give love, love and more love, plus anything else I might need in life. now it really is quite strange!

RE: meeting IRL

I'm afraid my experiences aren't really all that funny, they are quite tragic actually. I met my ex, a TexMex guy who'd been here for 14 years, through a local dating site. In those days, they were free and this particular site was pleasant enough. I got loads of replies, many of them quite ok. I ended up meeting three over tea/coffee. I started to date my ex right away, as he seemed very keen. I was inexperienced in real life dating so everything proceeded way too fast... well those were the most stressful years of my life and I learned a lot. The love came to me gradually in his case but the break ups (yes a few...) were terrible. Anyway, later on when I started to look around again the sites were expensive or really sucked. I mostly got really idiotic responses. I met a couple of guys who were in this country; one of the same minority as myself and one Italian who was working here. Both were ok people but no one was tempted. I actually invited them home because I trust my intuition; everything went fine but they were downers anyway. There aren't many places around where you can just go for a cup of something and it's not fair to expect only that when someone travels far to see me. It was different in the capital, sigh.

Also met a German man who works in Finland quite often, now he really grilled me because of his own confused situation with a potential divorce but when we met he didn't seem that interested and it was end of story. He had been quite upfront about his situation though and actually I think I helped him see a lot of his issues with the ongoing separation process and stuff. So I guess I was a vigilante that day, haha. Not funny then, mind you. And now I think I was just stupid to even consider dating a guy like that. He was deeply spiritual but only really looking for a good lay when in town (well that I understood after a while only).

Then we have "the" date which was a trip to the US that lasted as long as my visa, i.e 3 months. That one taught me that I must look for the chemistry to be there AT ONCE or else take off. I stayed because I had this belief that if you give it time it will work out... it didn't. I also realized that I need someone my age who still has some ability to compromise and adapt. Yeah I learned A LOT. Didn't exactly help me feel less distressed about years just passing and me spending them dealing with all these stressful dates/encounters/correspondances. Though maybe I've become more discerning since my online contacts last only a very short time these days and I never get to meet anyone. As for finding someone in this country; I have given up.

Sorry, a bit long maybe. Now let's have a cuppa.

Comittment - when does it start?

So what is dating then?

Comittment - when does it start?

I think for most it's obvious that meeting IRL should happen as soon as possible, but sometimes it can take time for various reasons. I had to wait about 5 months to see a guy because of various practical issues that were in the way. During that time he seemed very smitten though I now realize it was mostly being in love with the idea of love. That's because he was very hard to reach and connect with IRL. During that time, however, I had no intentio or desire to look for someone else. Perhaps it's a tad idealistic but the same happened this year with a couple of guys.

I guess one man is already a handfull even if it's just online... I really do want to focus on him. If someone else WAS around and I was really unsure of which would be best for me in the long run, I'd feel obliged to tell both. But I see no reason to drop one just because of some obscure sense that double dating is immoral. You are after all making very life changing and serious decisions! That is, if you are of course. This connects with my thread about double dating; what I thought immoral was not to tell me that there was someone else. I'm not sure it would have made the fall any easier but I would have had no reason to feel betrayed.

Comittment - when does it start?

Now this is exactly where the need to be really open and honest comes in. We do start to have hopes and even expectations of sorts when things are looking good and promises are being made. So again, while "unrealistic expectations" may occur they may not be unrealistic for the other party.

Comittment - when does it start?

Good points, Guiri! The first paragraph is a very crucial one, however I wonder if people forget about this online more easily? After all, if you start to relate to someone online it may not always be possible to get a hold of the other person when you have a question, and if the distance is fair then the waiting can cause a disrupted form of communication where you think you're understood but the other has not really received the information and been able to double check.

My own experience at late left me wondering how someone who seemed to have a strong sense of moral suddenly dropped it and left me hanging without explanations or regard for my feelings and the hours I would spend alone wondering what happened. Unfortunately I've encountered this kind of attitude quite often. So what you're saying about being fair is indeed desirable but for whatever reason seldom applicable - and you do wonder how people's sense of integrity can be that bad. Or am I wrong. Anyone think differently?

About internet dating; I think that's again something that one person might think is occurring while the other is not, and you had better find out! I definitely think of some of my internet dates as boyfriends or some kind of semi-boyfriends, even before I met any of them. It had mostly to do with the intesity and dedication of the guys I was talking to. They seemed very eager to take things further to the next level.

I think you can feel things in relation to another person online but I think we need to remember that feelings are always subjective. So they may be daydreams, fantasies, hopes and expectations. In my case I have certainly gone from neutral to having a lot of hope, even if I wasn't exactly in love. These are still valid feelings and not to be underestimated by the other party. I think it's horrible to suddenly crush someone else's hopes when they least expect it, only because it's more convenient for you to be with another person or drop the contact for any other reason. I have certainly felt betrayed and rejected in this sense even if they are subjective feelings that I need to be responsible for myself. However, the latter doesn't exclude the idea that the other person should be considerate and respectful of them. Just wanted to stress that!

Comittment - when does it start?

Hi there and thanks for stopping by and reminding me of what you had said previously; I seem to remember it was more of an instigation/encouragment to be aware of someone else's concept of committment than an actual discussion. But... I understand you... of course I am myself working on giving up the idea of sharing the best years of my life with anybody but my cats...

Comittment - when does it start?

I'd like to start a serious debate about something some of us tried to talk about on the International Forum but without much luck. The questions I want to raise are:
1. When do you feel that someone is starting to lead you on and you begin to feel "safe" that this person is serious about you
2. When do you feel the first signs of committment show up and what do they look like. Are there degrees of committment and how do they feel?
4. Do you feel that you should inquire from the other person as to what they feel is a committed relationship? I mean in particular if you're not sure you are willing to committ just yet but the other person might get hurt if you pull out. To what degree do you take the other person's feelings into account? When do you start to feel that the other person's expectations are too high and unrealistic and it starts to freak you out?
Observe that I'm speaking of degrees of committment that precedes engagment and marriage or moving in together.

Experiences and ideas all welcome alike. I'm not sure my questions were clear enough but maybe you get the drift. This issue came up on the thread about "who's dating who" at the ints but is buried deep somewhere. I know Venere08 had some good points there but they would be hard to find.