sexysweeti Forum Posts (1,788)

RE: ok time to bring this place back to normal....

What happened to Sensi? I guess he is not going to be a bent man....

RE: hi iam new

welcome, I hope you will tell us all about yourself and good luck finding your true love.

RE: ok time to bring this place back to normal....

that just struck me as funny

RE: HOT TUB IS OPEN

I can only imagine what it would feel like to be in a hot tub with Pete right now.

Commitment Phobia

Commitment phobia is rooted in fear -- fear of lost options or fear
of making poor decisions. The commitment phobic mind sees decisions
as permanent. It symbolizes being caged or trapped. Commitment
phobics actually take commitment very seriously, which is why the
decision to commit can be so hard for them. "A rolling stone gathers
no moss" is the appropriate proverb for this subclass of individuals.
And like the proverb, commitment phobia is a double edged sword -- on
the one hand you avoid obligations, ties, and commitments yet at the
same time the commitment phobic may secretly crave the lives of those
who committed and the growth that those roots produced. But when push
comes to shove, the CPs' fear usually wins out -- commitment phobics
desire freedom above all else and sometimes, alternatively, they
desire fantasy over reality and yet in other cases, they desire both.


Commitment phobia is largely unrecognized as a real disabling fear.
It is sometimes thought to be associated with fear of death, fear of
intimacy, etc. But most CPs usually show signs of commitment fears
across many domains of life. Sometimes it is so pervasive that that
it interferes in their ability to make simple every day decisions and
on the larger scale, of managing and maintaining their life. CPs are
prone to self-destructive behavior and escapism as a way to assuage
their anxiety. Carter and Sokol refer to both active and passive
commitment phobics but usually CPs have elements of both active and
passive CP behaviors (some may have stronger preferences). In terms
of personality types, commitment phobics are usually enneagram types
7s, 6s or 4s, which are types that tend to engage in push-pull
behaviors (7s tend to be more "active" phobics while 4's tend to be
more "passive"). Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's is a
classic example of a 7w6 active commitment phobic. Cameron Diaz
(enneatype 7w6) recently admitted that she has commitment phobia,
most likely of active variety.



"As a commitment-phobic individual, people often laugh at my only
goal in life -- to get a dog. I have wanted a dog for at least 15
years and every New Years I tell myself, this is the year. 15 years
and waiting... But like an ice-berg, the desire to have a dog is just
the tip of the berg; where most of the hurt and anxiety manifests is
in my one on one personal relationships. Each time I hope that this
one will be different; That I won't run away. When forced to make a
choice I almost freeze in panic. I have thoughts in my mind but I
can't speak -- the only thing I can think of is how to get away from
this source of anxiety. I may break things off or say something to
get the other person mad (and therefore not interested in a
commitment). I feel like a crab without a shell when cornered. And I
can't stop feeling like that."

Commitment Phobia

Well, I disagree with your statement that the more insecure person is usually the one who insists on commitment. The information below explains that commitment phobia has some very real symptons...so here you go, allow this insecure person who would like a commitment and unfortunately got involved with someone with commitment phobia to teach you something...

"Fear of commitmentCommitment phobia is largely unrecognized as a real disabling fear.
It is sometimes thought to be associated with fear of death, fear of
intimacy, etc. But most CPs usually show signs of commitment fears
across many domains of life. Sometimes it is so pervasive that that
it interferes in their ability to make simple every day decisions and
on the larger scale, of managing and maintaining their life"


From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Fear of commitment in popular literature refers to avoidance of long-
term partnership and/or marriage but it is often much more pervasive.
In 1987 the term commitment phobia was coined by Steven Carter in his
book Men who can't love.


In romantic relationships, the paradox is that the commitmentphobic
craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This leads to a
confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection that is
generally experienced by the love object as emotionally devastating.
Though generally attributed exclusively to males, it is well-
documented that commitmentphobia is not gender-specific.


While this behavior has been documented for some time, the word
commitmentphobia (no space, no hyphen) was actually coined in the
1987 New York Times Bestseller Men who can't love by Steven A. Carter
and Julia Sokol (M.Evans & Co. Publishing). Interestingly, in 1987,
legendary New York publisher George de Kay (Body Language, Aerobics,
Open Marriage, Atkins New Diet Revolution, etc.) resisted printing
the word commitmentphobia on the original book jacket, fearing it
sounded "too scientific and off-putting." Within one year, the phrase
commitmentphobia had become popular American jargon and the sub-title
of the book was changed to include the phrase "commitmentphobic."

RE: ~~ hApPy BiRtHdAy FiReLiTeR ~~

Happy Birthday to you!

Commitment Phobia

I know that making decisions and choices are very hard for them and they get very frightened at the thought of losing their freedom or being engulfed.
They need to feel a sense of being in control of themselves and not losing themselves but it is a myth that you can lose yourself in another person...they just don't have a strong sense of self and identity to begin with.

Even when what they long for is connection, it is what they fear.

RE: natural pain relief

around that time of month it was always helpful for me but I do not want to make light of something serious. Sorry! That seems inappropriate now.

Commitment Phobia

Has anyone ever dated anyone with commitment phobia? What were some of the signs and how was the relationship? Was it painful? I have experienced it to be very painful and heard that it is painful to love someone with commitment phobia. Did you obsess over them and/or did you learn to accept them and just let the relationship take it's course?
Whatever your experience, if you don't mind to share???

RE: Do you see yourself in your children?

I have an older daughter who is 24 and a younger daughter 13, they are as different as night and day but they are both like me in the sense that they fight for what they believe in, maybe a bit opinionated, but very passionate about justice and fairness.

RE: What is God?

Some people say they don't believe in God until they reach a point where they have nowhere else to turn and God was there all the time.

I believe that God is a force of love and energy that connects us all through spirit. We are all reflections of each other. It is the ego that believes in separteness.

RE: Ok, who thinks I'm fabulous??

But you are all that and a bag of Doritos..yummy!!!!

RE: Love at first sight

Maybe you fell in love with someone you have loved at first site but you didn't realize that the energy was already there waiting for you to happen.

RE: Love at first sight

Well, I think love is experienced differetly by everyone. I have never fell in love at first site, I don't think. And even though some people say that you can't fall in love quickly, I haven't experienced real love but twice and both times it happened quickly. If people want to call it lust then they understand the mystery of love and what I needed to learn better than I do. But it was definitely caused by a chemical reaction....like the way they made me feel...the neurons in my brain. And anyone can disagree with me, but I know what love is to me and it is given freely, truly and it is the way someone makes you feel that you never forget. Even if you are not at the same place at the same time and it doesn't work out, I will never deny that it wasn't love. I have also experienced fleeting infactuations and the opposite of love which is control and fear.
Sometimes you have to meet some of the wrong types to be able to appreciate when the right one comes along.

RE: Ok..Be Honest! What really turns you on...

woohoo but I hope you like a little southern accent because that is the one thing I haven't been able to change since I moved from KY to MA 27 years ago.

RE: Democrat/Republican

RE: Ok gotta question here about men!! lol

and sometimes you show someone you love them by setting them free to be where they are and who they are. If they come back freely it is love, if not it was never meant to be, because one thing I know about Love is it is free. And I respect other people's process.

RE: Ok gotta question here about men!! lol

I agree with this handsome man. I was hurt very bad when I was younger and I know what it is like to fear, for years I would not let anyone get close to me and I know you cannot force it.

I also understand the ego and need of men too. What a shame! Cos he knows and I know when we were together it was almost paradise. But he wasn't going to let himself care, be hurt, be engulfed, whatever his fear was...he was egotistical.

RE: Tell me if I'm wrong?

okay, whatever...just let us think!!! And some of us are cool enough to appreciate a good friend, male or female.

RE: Tell me if I'm wrong?

okay, now I am getting suspicious of the men who say they are good listeners in their profile. Is that just bait? Are they really listening or just thinking about how to phrase their questions?
We women just don't want no games...so just understand that we don't want to hear what you think, we want to hear what we think in a deeper voice, so just really listen to us. All we want to do is communicate and we will all be happy. Yes, men you will be happy cos we think you are happy and we are happy and if you just listen to what we think, you will be happy.

RE: Tell me if I'm wrong?

well you were a brave man to start this thread and ask us women not to give you the right answers that you need.

RE: Tell me if I'm wrong?

no, no, you are not pulling my chain...women are always right....and don't even try to start an argument.

we don't want to hear what you have to say...we want to hear what we have to say in a deeper voice. If you guys would just try harder I am sure we could all get along.

RE: Tell me if I'm wrong?

yeah, I finally found my light switch too. I am just adjusting to the glow right now.

RE: Tell me if I'm wrong?

darn, I was going to tell you you were wrong when my finger was clicking the mouse before I even read it. It just seemed so enticing.
Why do you entice us poor women that way?
Friendship? Is this what this is about, friendship? I thought you wanted more than friendship?

RE: Ok gotta question here about men!! lol

And women like it too. Sometimes it is almost like paradise... Just keeping it real.

RE: Ok gotta question here about men!! lol

I adore honesty when it doesn't break my sensitive heart
but I always prefer it...sometimes later than sooner...but for every action there is a reaction and we face consequences.

RE: Ok gotta question here about men!! lol

There is my smart man...I was waiting for you to come answer the question and yes you are right why do fools rush in is the correct question. I learned a few things...like I said he didn't lie, he did tell me in the beginning that he didn't want a commitment.
I have been told to listen very closely to what people say in the beginning cos they are telling you the truth. I will always listen closely now. thank you for your honesty and encouragement.

RE: Ok gotta question here about men!! lol

guys will not admit that they are afraid of commitment. I was just in a relationship with a commitment phobe and he tried so hard not to care. he didn't lie, he just distanced himself. He didn't like to hurt me, but he knew he did. I believe he cared and he still does but fear is his master. What a shame! I have a book called The Opposite of Fear is Love but people are at all different places with themselves. I remember a time when I was afraid of Love...I know it is not something that can be forced. I set him free to be who he is.
So my question is...Why do fools fall in love?

RE: Ok gotta question here about men!! lol

hey you, I am happy to see you....it just seems like I haven't seen you in a while.