caroljoyce Poetry (65)

I wake by myself in the frost filled dark
As daylight empties into stark
Scathing sun glints cold relief
on life script penned in disbelief.

The lifeless morning treads my way
Nowhere to go, no thing to say
I turn my face from the unseeing crowd
Shrink from relentless celebratory loud

Rumours echo of Christmases full
Turn back to real in the silent lull
Seeing through windows lives of plenty
Move away and return to empty

If on their tree I could hang a dream
A thought of hope in an angel's gleam
only kind would be what will seem
And wishes granted in a happiness beam.

I was tripping along, not a touch of a care
round the edges of one morning you were there
framed in a cloud was the sweetest face
nuzzled at my heart in its softest place
if I wake in the coldlight with sense forlorn
could your blanket of love keep me warm
if in the dusk I am stilled by fear
will I be soothed from the sense you are near
now a reluctant heart cannot be won
if you loved me back it would be such fun!

Dreams tiptoe softly through the night
sense direction, instincts right
glimpsing sweetness just in sight
holding closely, softly, tight
they meander through the drifts of time
thoughts born to me, from me, of mine
tell tales of sleepless,restless longing
seek other part of self belonging
awake I place them in a crystal jar
each one labelled with a star
at night I lay my head to sleep
each secret dream I get to keep
winding lightly round my soul
mending broken making whole

Purring whirring whirling soaring
throttles open engine roaring
large as rat, well mouse
no, big as van, as house
alone in house no spouse
approach with caution, make tea
hell its moving, ok plan B
ring male friend
sunday, foot ball on a bend
phone ringing no reply
helpless useless start to cry
takes off suddenly upwards shifting
still for a moment then lifting
call dog to help
backs off with yelp
sets off again buzzing nearer
from behind the curtain silhouette clearer
at top of curtain, powerful, smirking
moving surreptitiously, ominous lurking
Give in, genuflect and pray
if there is a God then make it go away
no? started praying to late?
give in to fear, capitulate..evacuate.


I'm going, if don't meet again, nice knowing.....

In my every thought, of you I’m aware
Trailing after me with your long dark hair
I call out to peace from the still of despair
The answer is silence, there is nobody there
 
Through the quiet and deep you possess the night
I Chant Mantras of Sanskrit in a plea to the light
To be held by love, tender and tight
For hope to be lit, gentle and bright
 
You whisper from dusk till the breath of the day
I beg you to leave but you always do stay
Your spectre dances as the shadows come play
You never rest so my fears can allay
 
You undid your suitcase upon my floor
You wear carpet slippers and have your own draw
With bony finger you point out each flaw
You empty my heart then come back for more
 
As I rub my eyes to dispel the dark
By soul blends obliquely into stark

Dreams ride swiftly through the night
Sensing nearness, closely bright
Fantasy gentle within my sight
Reaching arms of gentle might
Hold on safely, softly, tight
Absent all that is not light
In my mind they wind around
Telling much without a sound
Stronger, wider, touching deep
Tiptoe around the edge of sleep
Each that shines out who you are
I label gently with a star
Beckoning mine beyond the still
Destiny sweetly always will.

Love tapped lightly upon my door the other day
she said...
'It's me. I have come to stay
how your soul is sad and grey
I will show you a different way'
she said...
but mistrusting, I turned away.

'You will see, this time it's different from before'
she said...
as she walked, her long white gown brushed the floor
'Trust me, it really is all right
she said...
her hair was fair and long and her gaze was bright
so I followed her, kept her within my sight.

I came to believe whatever she said
she wore a silver band about her head
she slept upon a white feather bed.
'Believe, I won't ever leave'
She said...

But one day I awoke and called her name
only silence replied
I called again
But just the same


I ran to her room sobbing with fear
I saw at once she was no longer here
her wardrobe had been emptied, her drawer was bare
and on the dresser lay a long, golden hair.
I lay on the bed not knowing what to do
there on the rug was a small silver shoe.

Then downstairs the door slammed hard
'I am back' he shouted, 'so don't be so f''ing mard!
His face was livid, dark, lined and grey
'Do you think I would ever go away?'
He said...
I am back to stay.

The Earth is deeply, truly changing
We in care are as one engaging
So Let us still our fear and raging

Others can be sorely trying
Leave us hurt, in pain and crying
Being misunderstood can leave us sighing

Yet remember we are humankind
Peace and wisdom we all shall find
Let’ s leave anger at another behind

And so tomorrow is another day
Let us live it in a different way
By putting love in all we say

Pain enters in silent stream
Mocks the ghost of future dream
Mind numbed from seeking why
Into the bleak the seagulls cry
Moon creeps beyond the night
Hurting clenches, hard and tight
Shadow tiptoes in steps of sorrow
Mourns defeat of joy tomorrow
As real is etched beyond the stark
Seeking bright above the dark
As hand implores the distant light
My soul is shored to withstand the night

I am not so very much,
Just another so and such
I am really very small
But I try to give my all
Sometimes I do not see
All that I should be
I'm the darkness and the light
I have hearing, I have sight
I ‘m the shallow and the deep
For you to leave or so to keep
I am gentle I am strong
Maybe right and maybe wrong
Sometimes happy sometimes bleak
Just to me I seem unique
I am wild yet I am tame
Different yet the same
Another who’s name is she
Yet I’m the only one who’s me.

Falling was easy, sliding, flowing downwards swift and pure like runnning water into the dry arena
Still, deep, full and knowing
The gush of warmth was surprising and set little motes of doubt dancing in the expectant air
The seeing came first out of the calm, velvet dark and would not
permit a glimpse of shame, and dissolution had no place to own
Creating a strong reality out of tender rose edged day dreams
The reflection shimmered in delicate colours of bright iridescent light
Like little shards of rainbow dusted off the moon
And gentle hands can explore what the soul has already discerned.

Whispering unerring heart ~
~ Listen ~

Anthology untrammelled mind~
~ Express ~

Ravages tender innocent youth~
~ Remember ~

Ghoulish raptorial moments~
~ Forgive ~

Drawn deep within black nemesis~
~ Fight ~

Nefarious nature suffocates~
~ Evade ~

Sapient fortitude growth arose~
~ Complete ~

Illumination clarify's rebirth welcomed ~
~ Future ~

Ljj 9th Oct 2010