There isn’t much else to do
Except to walk to the water’s edge
Stare beyond the farthest point
And remember, peripherally
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it contains one
That was a line out of a movie. I thought about that a good while. So, I began to think, what can I do to feel good? Then, with baby steps, I began to get my house in order. I've lived here for 5 years but with all of the drama, I never had the focus to make my house a home. I love my house but it looked like the movers dumped my stuff and left. That's because that's what happend. Lol
So far, I have organized my shoes and clothes. I'm also in the middle of moving furniture where it should go. I have some pieces that are dark wood. I like dark wood but I have poor lighting and the trim is dark so it felt like a cave. Because of this, I painted a chest of drawers and vanity in a happy yellow. I had some turquoise spray paint so I painted a chair and end table. Everything is coming together. I feel so good!
To be continued
Feeling sad, feeling more focused
Feeling The Big Goodbye
Although it was my wish
And this new freedom energizes me
The goodbye still manifests while I move forward
In missing what was good and briefly forgetting the bad
Survival is a mystery and genetically designed
My buoyancy always taking me to the surface, to take another breath
Goodbyes are sad. Like fresh flowers on their last days
Preserved on jpg and floating in the internet, like ghosts
I try to talk to my ghosts
I tell them it’s time to cross over
With a candle lit, I talk to spirits, calling a truce and asking for forgiveness
Nine years I’ve known some of the characters here.
I recovered my old email and read things I posted in 2009.
I noticed, my life hasn’t changed that much. The same issues have stayed with me these 9 years. I suspect things will be as unchanged 9 years from today.
The upside is, I made it this far. I should survive the next 9 years.
I've been experiencing the feeling of the past. I can't identify the moment except that it is a good feeling. It's like the air is alive. I smell scents of the outside, this old home's bones breathing. I remember first coming to PA with so many hopes and dreams. I thought I had found my partner for life.
I don't have sad feelings. I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top, triggering days outside camping or kayaking. I can feel the wet sand under my feet. I imagine taking my kayak and placing it on the water. The coffee pot on the stove triggers memories of the first cup, in the woods of a campground in New Jersey. Our tent collecting insects and inchworms. I remember laying in the sleeping bag, watching the slow movement of an upsidedown worm traveling on the roof, silhouetted by the sunlight behind the nylon.
Not all triggers are bad.
Tag. } Let's get Biden to Quit
..[ already monetized & patented..]..
For those about to become arthritic..
We salute you...
5 years ahead of my time / 3rd bardo
4 horsemen / Metallica
1st strike is deadly / Testament
..... feature presentation......
Gematrix: it's ADDictive...[ 1208
Alpha numeric trail of evidence..
Twisted / 1208........the power / 1208
Camp heavy "..........latex glove... "
Ouija spirit....."......... Seven hills of Rome / 1208
Revelation three / 1208.
Original search term...
C D C. U N / WHO = 1208.
113..the................... ......338. Hospital
1095. alphabet vision...870. psychopaths
1208....
......113. T H E ) 100...08...05.) 113..
....1095... construction of Illness.
Curious Epilogue
Who's next ? / The WHO
The who sell out / ibid.
UNDUN / Guess who
Boss is being cool. I’m being invisible. I’m embarrassed that I was friendly after he clearly was disappointed about my age. A saving grace. Loolllol. So now I try to avoid unless I have a work question. It’s a tough spot. Regardless, I will be successful, my way of giving the finger.
. Retard suspect meets many Cops
With many. Many shots fired..
Since eYe haven't seen the whole video
& The local neighborhood is also buzzing
With cops...get back to you later..
Two of a kind, you and I
Though my age betrays a maturity
Your guidance directs me to my soul
To be lost for so long, a kind gentleman showed me the way
I was out walking. I pushed myself, heaving
The sun pulled all moisture from me
The clarity was like cheap vodka in a plastic bottle
That walk produced bug bites, infected
By a hair removal cream, chemical
Dark spots, as if I had a case of the pox
I remember how he paid no notice
Two of a kind if there could be
The gears always moving, puzzle pieces turning, or Skelton keys jangling
To find a matching groove consoles me
If and since I do not wish to be a romantic unit
And if blessings aren’t reserved to God
I hold you as a blessing, in the most primal sense