Blogs (62,482)

Always I will haunt you
For we were fated from Gods soul.
You will
see my eyes
in heavenly skies,
when I beckon you, you'll know.
Hear me laughing
in the crashing
surf,
see my phantom
dance upon
the shore...

Feel me haunt you, feel me haunt you, no one else could want you more.
Savor the sweetness of my kiss-
in spring breezes: bliss
just when you thought that this was it
and you'd always be alone:
imagine my lips...
my finger tips...

Feel me haunt you, feel me haunt you, you will call my heart your home.
When you reach out longing
for a kindred spirit that will share,
when you cry and it seems as though there's no other soul that cares,
close your eyes and fantasize
about my Candykisses
that will turn your frown into a grin,
feel my arms surround
to comfort…
the little boy with-in.
My angel,
I will
love away your pain.

Feel me haunt you, see me haunt you,
feel us holding one another once again.
When faces fade
and life is fleeting,
when games are played
and it seems all are cheating,
you'll find that no one else can rise
above.

Feel me haunt you, feel me haunt you,
I am the keeper of your love.
When others forsake you
and the rituals of life grow old
when other women leave you
wanting more
for compared to me they seem so cold,
come and warm
yourself beside my fire,
our passion knows no shame,

Feel me haunt you, I'll fulfill your hearts desire
Feel me haunt you as you're crying out my name, Feel me haunt you, feel me haunt you...
We 've only destiny to blame.

I just had the best birthday, the best weekend, the best time of my life.

Left Friday morning heading toward Mobile. Robert left Houston around 8, and I was way later leaving than I planned, thought I was gonna be late. I drove my poor little truck harder than it's ever been driven, made it right on time, we both got there at 3. All I wanted to do was hug him as hard as I could, and I did. After we checked in and____(fill in the blank), we went out to eat, had a great dinner and a glass of wine. Robert gave me a birthstone necklace, first jewelry I've gotten from a man besides a wedding ring, and it means a lot more to me than those did. Of course they had to sing to me at the restaurant, and got yummy chocolate cake which I'm having for breakfast this morning. The we went back to the room and _____ a little more and crashed early, since poor Robert had worked all night and drove all day and hadn't slept.

Next morning we woke up early, had breakfast, then went out to see the battleship Alabama in Mobile and traumatized a poor child for life. We were in one of the little rooms doing what old people shouldn't do, this little boy stuck his head in the door and backed out real quick. He just missed the real show, we were being real bad. After we came out, his Momma stuck her head in the door to make sure we were gone from there on.

We drove to the beach on Dauphin Island, kicked off our shoes and walked in the sand, sat on a driftwood log and watched the sun sink over the water. Most beautiful afternoon of my life, a fantasy come true.

We headed back toward town, called Reva and she told us a good local place to get seafood. It was great, we shared a seafood platter, everything was wonderful, especially the oysters (like I needed that!) Then called Reva to meet her for a few drinks at Bumpers, which turned out to be right next to our motel. I drank beer while Reva and Robert shot pool, she beat him, but not too bad. Also had a jello shooter for the first time in my life, mmmmmm, where have I been to have missed that? Then we went back to the room with a bottle of Captain Morgan, that's where things get a little fuzzy for me, but I hear I had a good time.

Woke up Sunday morning with not too much of a hangover, considering that's the first time I've gotten that tipsy in a while, and mixing all those different alcohols was not the best idea, but really didn't feel bad at all, and the headache cure that was discussed on the forums a while back worked. We had two pots of double strong coffee. Reva came by and drank a cup with us (not telling why she was at the motel) and we just did make it out of the room by 1:00 check out time. We ate breakfast at Denny's, Robert fed me better on this trip than I've ever had before, in more ways than one. We went to Best Buy to check out the computers, I need a new one and know nothing about em, decided I'm gonna get me a laptop, I just love the one Robert has. Finally left town about 2, well really 3 cause I hadn't changed my clock in the truck. I drove a lot slower going home, got back a little after 8, already missing my sweetie. But I've got the greatest memories of my life, and lots of pictures to prove it.

To everyone reading this, there is hope, there is love out there. I had to go through hell to get here, but it was all worth it. I have found the greatest man on earth, he loves me as much as I love him, which is totally fully with all my heart and soul. I could never have dreamed or imagined a love so wonderful, it truly fills me up and overflows to the rest of the world. I wasn't even looking for this or wanting it, but I am THE happy girl.

This one is the story of a week travelling through France and onto Greece.

---

A pikey’s life for me!

Pre-Day One

I suppose after I had made the decision to leave Abby it was just a matter of time. It is quite ironic really, that I left her on April Fool’s Day … do you think she would take it as a joke?
Nah! Neither do I.

There were some tense moments while I was sitting at Plymouth ferry port waiting to get on the ship, but I was absolutely exhausted by the time I actually found my berth. I nearly ended up in a 16 year old girl’s cabin by mistake … mine was 142, I got given the key for 124. I unloaded my stuff and was actually going to get in the shower when I decided to take a look around the ship
By the time I had got back to 124, she was trying to get into the cabin. I checked my paperwork and I was hurriedly whisked away by the Ship’s Purser to my cabin.

Day One
I slept like a log. I was awake by 615 and had showered, changed, and breakfasted by 715. I spent some time putting a lot of music on to the iPod I had purchased the day before, and as the ferry was docking, I had packed it all up and had about 8 hours of music on the little beastie.

Whilst I was on the road south, the thing that hit me the most was the lack of cars on the road. I don’t know whether it was because it was a Sunday, or because I was in the middle of nowhere, but it was great. The car I have got has cruise control, so, I stuck it at 56mph and headed toward Morlaix.

Driving was a complete pleasure, nice roads, no numpties cutting me up, in fact there was an awful lot of tolerance.

About 1230, my stomach told me I was hungry, and the fuel gauge told me I was going to be pushing soon. So I pulled off at Broons, and found a car park, that the caravan and I could comfortably park in. Just across the road was a butcher’s shop, so I wandered over there and they had, in little plastic serving boxes, smoked pork and dauphinoise potatoes. They also had some coffee grounds, milk and sugar. So, life is looking good.

I filled both me and the car up and off we went again. The weather was alternating between torrential rain and blinding sunshine.

I decided to go for better weather than touring across France, so at Rennes, I headed due south towards Nantes. The plan being, to find campsites along the way to hook up the caravan with electricity and water. If I find somewhere nice to stay, then I might just anchor for a little while. The book I have got is all about top rated caravan sites in France, and the one I am in now is top quality.

Today was my first day of Day Watch, I have worked the last seven years on Night Watch. I told them I would rather work straight through from the beginning of Night Watch to the end of Day Watch then have it off. So I worked from 10 pm last night to after 2 pm today. If I would have taken it off, it would have split my 2 days off into one day here and one day there. I am the type if I am going to have time off, I like to have more then one day.

One day is usually to recoup your energy and to get things done that you could not while working. The next day is a day to enjoy and pamper yourself, yes a selfish one day dedicated to the person we should love the most, ourselves. Seldom do we, we are generally too busy doing for others.

I spent a lifetime of doing for others and care for others, forgetting there was a me. When you do for others, you push the emotions, the restlessness, the aches and pains to the side. Actually you don't really feel them, because there is never any down time to feel them. Then one day you feel it all and wonder how you made it so long, but you keep pushing yourself until the ones you cared for are there no longer. That is the day, you look back and say I did what I had to do now it is time for me. Yes, that is the day that you really start to feel all the abuse you put on your body through.

I changed my Watch to give my body time and the rest needed to heal. I want to know what it feels like to be on a regular day time schedule. I want to readjust my internal time clock to prepare for the future. I think the change of schedule will easy the stress of everyday life in general and give me a home life again.

Talked with Shelia (PeachesandCream) on the phone tonight. One of the things we talked about was my moving down there as another way of getting to know each other better. The target date would be the weekend I start my Christmas/New Years vacation.
We both feel that there are certain things we need to learn about each other which can only be done by seeing each other more. It is my hope that this will go as far as an "eternity". I know I'll certainly be trying for that

every now and then...something happens that brings the old days slamming into the here and now...like a mack truck splatting on a concrete embankment...

this myspace thing...i can't even explain what it's done to me. an old friend found me on here, through other old friends...and it's been probably fifteen years since i've seen her. she was very important to me, but things got lost in the maelstrom that is katie.

so i sit here, and one picture after another comes flooding into my skull...i see my old and dear friends...i see laughter and tears. i see my mistakes, and occasionally theirs...and what each one of them meant to me.

i love you all...for one reason or another. be well.

Hrmm... new feature here, figured I'd give it a shot. Any basics you need to know about me can be found on my profile, though I'm sure anything else you might want to know will come out eventually.

Hung out with my ex for a while today, to help him babysit Em. She's a gorgeous little thing; 5 months old with greyish eyes and a head full of of auburn hair. She's such an innocent....it made me burn to find out what happened to her.

Em's mother isn't exactly someone that I would consider a competent human being, let alone a decent mother. She's already lost custody of 4 children, and the only reason this one wasn't taken immediately was because it had been over 5 years since Children's Aid had been in her life. All she had to do was take a 4 week parenting course and she was in the clear again. Anyhow, she was living with a guy who was a known drug user and an all around lowlife. Just didn't know how bad a lowlife he was until last week. She came home from work to find him molesting Em. She's 5 months old, and he violated her in the worst possible way. I didn't see the damage until today.

Allow me to backtrack a little bit. My ex's little girl is Em's half sister through her mother. In the hopes of making things easier on his little girl, my ex offered to help out with Em by babysitting, not only to make sure the little one was taken care of, but also to allow for his little girl to spend some more time with her little sister, hence the baby being with him today. Anyhow, when the time came to change little Em, she started freaking out the minute he put her on her back; I had to take over and change her so she'd calm down. That's when I saw the bruises. I'd known that her mother's boyfriend had touched her, but I had no idea to what extent until today. I've never felt so angry in my entire life; it was all I could do not to break down crying at the thought of anyone touching this little girl like that. She's so very young; I have no idea how much of this will affect her later in life, but right now, that innocence, that perfect trust that every baby should have in those that take care of her.....it's gone.

In my entire life, I've never really felt the urge to end another's existence until today. It was all I could do not to leave my ex's place, find that depraved, twisted sack of fecal matter and watch the life leave his eyes as I crushed his throat. It doesn't matter that he's been formally charged. It doesn't matter that once he's put away, his chances of getting out alive are slim to none. He needs to pay, and he needs to pay dearly. There's a good chance that Em was not his first, and I have this sick, sick feeling that she may not be his last if he has any amount of time free before they lock him up.

I try to stay open minded, and I try to look at both sides of the coin before I make a decision about anyone or their actions. That goes right out the bloody window when it involves anything with children. You do not beat them. You do not harm them in anyway. And you certainly, under any circumstances, touch them in any s*xual way. She's not even old enough to speak the word 'no'!!! I have no leeway for people like him. I have no mercy for people like him. It's only a matter of time before word spreads and people find out what he's done. This is one case where I'd have no problem with joining the angry mob.

Well, I didn't realize I even had a blog on this website. Pretty cool. I have been in contact with a very special guy I met on here. He makes me laugh, and he is very intelligent, a seasoned writer. Like me, he has published articles, and has a strong opinion where politics is concerned. The big problem is that I am a conservative Republican and he is a liberal Democrat. He looks toward having a female president in the white house in 2008, where I can't quite see things his way. I think this is coming between us.
We were planning on meeting for the first time this coming Wednesday (in person) by meeting half-way between our homes, which are between 250 and 300 miles apart. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that I had other responsibilities and had to cancel. He says he understands,and maybe he does, but I have a feeling that it won't be long until he quits calling me.
Oh well, such is life. I do miss him already.

wow, more space to write, lol...

I wonder at times when I seek inside for answers... How I connect with others on personal levels, and still keep solitude.
My hardest work is acceptance of help in any way...so ingrained in my mind and heart is a lifetime of being slapped down...
Realistically, I know so many more have it far worse than I. Yet, I am inside this life. I live inside this flesh...and, I live within the reality that surrounds me...
I hide my pain, and tears from others... Guilt makes it so, and the deepest feeling of being unworthy of a single thing...
I know this not to be true. I understand the process that got me here... Yet, to carve out that tainted seed so buried deep within I cannot reach without destroying myself in the hunt for the poisons.
So, here I am...
I am in pain. I am ill, and have few days of wellness...
I sucks so bad! And, beware of pity of myself...lest life give me more...

Like hushhhhhhhhh.
covered mouth holds back
screams so loud
if uttered forth
it might hear me
and, doomed to more, I would be?

Yes, truth hurts as well..inner truth.
I hold a hand, and take into heart.
But, say goodness in truth from another to me. I sink inside myself...

Hand shy. And, how to learn to stop this thing...? I don't know. I can only be in this moment for now...

So, chin up, ol' gal!

I won't say, "it's not that easy..." I will say it hurts...

I wonder if the two go hand-in-hand...or does one feeling cause the other to appear..or are they both one and the same?...