Welcome to the Blogs section. Below is a list of Blogs posted by members. A Blog is a journal you may enter about your life, thoughts, interesting experiences, or lessons you've learned. Post an opinion, impart words of wisdom, or talk about something interesting in your day. Update your blog on a regular basis, or just whenever you have something to say. Creating a blog is a good way to share something of yourself with others. Reading blogs is a good way to learn more about others. Click here to post a blog.
Changing your way of life!
Today was my first day of Day Watch, I have worked the last seven years on Night Watch. I told them I would rather work straight through from the beginning of Night Watch to the end of Day Watch then have it off. So I worked from 10 pm last night to after 2 pm today. If I would have taken it off, it would have split my 2 days off into one day here and one day there. I am the type if I am going to have time off, I like to have more then one day.
One day is usually to recoup your energy and to get things done that you could not while working. The next day is a day to enjoy and pamper yourself, yes a selfish one day dedicated to the person we should love the most, ourselves. Seldom do we, we are generally too busy doing for others.
I spent a lifetime of doing for others and care for others, forgetting there was a me. When you do for others, you push the emotions, the restlessness, the aches and pains to the side. Actually you don't really feel them, because there is never any down time to feel them. Then one day you feel it all and wonder how you made it so long, but you keep pushing yourself until the ones you cared for are there no longer. That is the day, you look back and say I did what I had to do now it is time for me. Yes, that is the day that you really start to feel all the abuse you put on your body through.
I changed my Watch to give my body time and the rest needed to heal. I want to know what it feels like to be on a regular day time schedule. I want to readjust my internal time clock to prepare for the future. I think the change of schedule will easy the stress of everyday life in general and give me a home life again.
One day is usually to recoup your energy and to get things done that you could not while working. The next day is a day to enjoy and pamper yourself, yes a selfish one day dedicated to the person we should love the most, ourselves. Seldom do we, we are generally too busy doing for others.
I spent a lifetime of doing for others and care for others, forgetting there was a me. When you do for others, you push the emotions, the restlessness, the aches and pains to the side. Actually you don't really feel them, because there is never any down time to feel them. Then one day you feel it all and wonder how you made it so long, but you keep pushing yourself until the ones you cared for are there no longer. That is the day, you look back and say I did what I had to do now it is time for me. Yes, that is the day that you really start to feel all the abuse you put on your body through.
I changed my Watch to give my body time and the rest needed to heal. I want to know what it feels like to be on a regular day time schedule. I want to readjust my internal time clock to prepare for the future. I think the change of schedule will easy the stress of everyday life in general and give me a home life again.
The Future
Talked with Shelia (PeachesandCream) on the phone tonight. One of the things we talked about was my moving down there as another way of getting to know each other better. The target date would be the weekend I start my Christmas/New Years vacation.
We both feel that there are certain things we need to learn about each other which can only be done by seeing each other more. It is my hope that this will go as far as an "eternity". I know I'll certainly be trying for that
We both feel that there are certain things we need to learn about each other which can only be done by seeing each other more. It is my hope that this will go as far as an "eternity". I know I'll certainly be trying for that
the past comes rushing...
every now and then...something happens that brings the old days slamming into the here and now...like a mack truck splatting on a concrete embankment...
this myspace thing...i can't even explain what it's done to me. an old friend found me on here, through other old friends...and it's been probably fifteen years since i've seen her. she was very important to me, but things got lost in the maelstrom that is katie.
so i sit here, and one picture after another comes flooding into my skull...i see my old and dear friends...i see laughter and tears. i see my mistakes, and occasionally theirs...and what each one of them meant to me.
i love you all...for one reason or another. be well.
this myspace thing...i can't even explain what it's done to me. an old friend found me on here, through other old friends...and it's been probably fifteen years since i've seen her. she was very important to me, but things got lost in the maelstrom that is katie.
so i sit here, and one picture after another comes flooding into my skull...i see my old and dear friends...i see laughter and tears. i see my mistakes, and occasionally theirs...and what each one of them meant to me.
i love you all...for one reason or another. be well.
first blog...intro and venting....
Hrmm... new feature here, figured I'd give it a shot. Any basics you need to know about me can be found on my profile, though I'm sure anything else you might want to know will come out eventually.
Hung out with my ex for a while today, to help him babysit Em. She's a gorgeous little thing; 5 months old with greyish eyes and a head full of of auburn hair. She's such an innocent....it made me burn to find out what happened to her.
Em's mother isn't exactly someone that I would consider a competent human being, let alone a decent mother. She's already lost custody of 4 children, and the only reason this one wasn't taken immediately was because it had been over 5 years since Children's Aid had been in her life. All she had to do was take a 4 week parenting course and she was in the clear again. Anyhow, she was living with a guy who was a known drug user and an all around lowlife. Just didn't know how bad a lowlife he was until last week. She came home from work to find him molesting Em. She's 5 months old, and he violated her in the worst possible way. I didn't see the damage until today.
Allow me to backtrack a little bit. My ex's little girl is Em's half sister through her mother. In the hopes of making things easier on his little girl, my ex offered to help out with Em by babysitting, not only to make sure the little one was taken care of, but also to allow for his little girl to spend some more time with her little sister, hence the baby being with him today. Anyhow, when the time came to change little Em, she started freaking out the minute he put her on her back; I had to take over and change her so she'd calm down. That's when I saw the bruises. I'd known that her mother's boyfriend had touched her, but I had no idea to what extent until today. I've never felt so angry in my entire life; it was all I could do not to break down crying at the thought of anyone touching this little girl like that. She's so very young; I have no idea how much of this will affect her later in life, but right now, that innocence, that perfect trust that every baby should have in those that take care of her.....it's gone.
In my entire life, I've never really felt the urge to end another's existence until today. It was all I could do not to leave my ex's place, find that depraved, twisted sack of fecal matter and watch the life leave his eyes as I crushed his throat. It doesn't matter that he's been formally charged. It doesn't matter that once he's put away, his chances of getting out alive are slim to none. He needs to pay, and he needs to pay dearly. There's a good chance that Em was not his first, and I have this sick, sick feeling that she may not be his last if he has any amount of time free before they lock him up.
I try to stay open minded, and I try to look at both sides of the coin before I make a decision about anyone or their actions. That goes right out the bloody window when it involves anything with children. You do not beat them. You do not harm them in anyway. And you certainly, under any circumstances, touch them in any s*xual way. She's not even old enough to speak the word 'no'!!!
I have no leeway for people like him. I have no mercy for people like him. It's only a matter of time before word spreads and people find out what he's done. This is one case where I'd have no problem with joining the angry mob.
Hung out with my ex for a while today, to help him babysit Em. She's a gorgeous little thing; 5 months old with greyish eyes and a head full of of auburn hair. She's such an innocent....it made me burn to find out what happened to her.
Em's mother isn't exactly someone that I would consider a competent human being, let alone a decent mother. She's already lost custody of 4 children, and the only reason this one wasn't taken immediately was because it had been over 5 years since Children's Aid had been in her life. All she had to do was take a 4 week parenting course and she was in the clear again. Anyhow, she was living with a guy who was a known drug user and an all around lowlife. Just didn't know how bad a lowlife he was until last week. She came home from work to find him molesting Em. She's 5 months old, and he violated her in the worst possible way. I didn't see the damage until today.
Allow me to backtrack a little bit. My ex's little girl is Em's half sister through her mother. In the hopes of making things easier on his little girl, my ex offered to help out with Em by babysitting, not only to make sure the little one was taken care of, but also to allow for his little girl to spend some more time with her little sister, hence the baby being with him today. Anyhow, when the time came to change little Em, she started freaking out the minute he put her on her back; I had to take over and change her so she'd calm down. That's when I saw the bruises. I'd known that her mother's boyfriend had touched her, but I had no idea to what extent until today. I've never felt so angry in my entire life; it was all I could do not to break down crying at the thought of anyone touching this little girl like that. She's so very young; I have no idea how much of this will affect her later in life, but right now, that innocence, that perfect trust that every baby should have in those that take care of her.....it's gone.
In my entire life, I've never really felt the urge to end another's existence until today. It was all I could do not to leave my ex's place, find that depraved, twisted sack of fecal matter and watch the life leave his eyes as I crushed his throat. It doesn't matter that he's been formally charged. It doesn't matter that once he's put away, his chances of getting out alive are slim to none. He needs to pay, and he needs to pay dearly. There's a good chance that Em was not his first, and I have this sick, sick feeling that she may not be his last if he has any amount of time free before they lock him up.
I try to stay open minded, and I try to look at both sides of the coin before I make a decision about anyone or their actions. That goes right out the bloody window when it involves anything with children. You do not beat them. You do not harm them in anyway. And you certainly, under any circumstances, touch them in any s*xual way. She's not even old enough to speak the word 'no'!!!
I have no leeway for people like him. I have no mercy for people like him. It's only a matter of time before word spreads and people find out what he's done. This is one case where I'd have no problem with joining the angry mob.Strange thing... emotions!
Well, I didn't realize I even had a blog on this website. Pretty cool. I have been in contact with a very special guy I met on here. He makes me laugh, and he is very intelligent, a seasoned writer. Like me, he has published articles, and has a strong opinion where politics is concerned. The big problem is that I am a conservative Republican and he is a liberal Democrat. He looks toward having a female president in the white house in 2008, where I can't quite see things his way. I think this is coming between us.
We were planning on meeting for the first time this coming Wednesday (in person) by meeting half-way between our homes, which are between 250 and 300 miles apart. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that I had other responsibilities and had to cancel. He says he understands,and maybe he does, but I have a feeling that it won't be long until he quits calling me.
Oh well, such is life. I do miss him already.
We were planning on meeting for the first time this coming Wednesday (in person) by meeting half-way between our homes, which are between 250 and 300 miles apart. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that I had other responsibilities and had to cancel. He says he understands,and maybe he does, but I have a feeling that it won't be long until he quits calling me.
Oh well, such is life. I do miss him already.
Chin Up andAll That...
wow, more space to write, lol...
I wonder at times when I seek inside for answers... How I connect with others on personal levels, and still keep solitude.
My hardest work is acceptance of help in any way...so ingrained in my mind and heart is a lifetime of being slapped down...
Realistically, I know so many more have it far worse than I. Yet, I am inside this life. I live inside this flesh...and, I live within the reality that surrounds me...
I hide my pain, and tears from others... Guilt makes it so, and the deepest feeling of being unworthy of a single thing...
I know this not to be true. I understand the process that got me here... Yet, to carve out that tainted seed so buried deep within I cannot reach without destroying myself in the hunt for the poisons.
So, here I am...
I am in pain. I am ill, and have few days of wellness...
I sucks so bad! And, beware of pity of myself...lest life give me more...
Like hushhhhhhhhh.
covered mouth holds back
screams so loud
if uttered forth
it might hear me
and, doomed to more, I would be?
Yes, truth hurts as well..inner truth.
I hold a hand, and take into heart.
But, say goodness in truth from another to me. I sink inside myself...
Hand shy. And, how to learn to stop this thing...? I don't know. I can only be in this moment for now...
So, chin up, ol' gal!
I won't say, "it's not that easy..." I will say it hurts...
I wonder at times when I seek inside for answers... How I connect with others on personal levels, and still keep solitude.
My hardest work is acceptance of help in any way...so ingrained in my mind and heart is a lifetime of being slapped down...
Realistically, I know so many more have it far worse than I. Yet, I am inside this life. I live inside this flesh...and, I live within the reality that surrounds me...
I hide my pain, and tears from others... Guilt makes it so, and the deepest feeling of being unworthy of a single thing...
I know this not to be true. I understand the process that got me here... Yet, to carve out that tainted seed so buried deep within I cannot reach without destroying myself in the hunt for the poisons.
So, here I am...
I am in pain. I am ill, and have few days of wellness...
I sucks so bad! And, beware of pity of myself...lest life give me more...
Like hushhhhhhhhh.
covered mouth holds back
screams so loud
if uttered forth
it might hear me
and, doomed to more, I would be?
Yes, truth hurts as well..inner truth.
I hold a hand, and take into heart.
But, say goodness in truth from another to me. I sink inside myself...
Hand shy. And, how to learn to stop this thing...? I don't know. I can only be in this moment for now...
So, chin up, ol' gal!
I won't say, "it's not that easy..." I will say it hurts...
"Lonliness and Depression"
I wonder if the two go hand-in-hand...or does one feeling cause the other to appear..or are they both one and the same?...
mexicans speaking english, chinese guys, & morons.
-- this is right from my myspace page --
first of all i had to figure out what the hell time it was. i have like 5 clocks in this house and they all said different things. i think i'm right now, i'll find out tomorrow when i go into work huh?i'm thinking arizona has the right idea of not doing it at all, it's less confusing for us morons.
lets see, rylen appears to like the group hoobastank, i'm listening to them and he keeps yelling 'turn it up' ok son, but i don't want the police here for disturbing the neighbors and i can already feel the music in the floor. dang party animal... he's going to be my wild one i just know it. and the kids is MEAN, whoa, he's gonna be trouble i think. i can't imagine where he got a wild streak at...
ok funny story from a few months back. we're at a chevron in hillsboro, no offense to hillsboro but it appears to be the mexican capital of portland, no one speaks english i swear. so we're getting gas and the attendant i normally get is here. he's a big sweet black man, so nice. and when i say sweet i mean 'nice' not all oohh big sweet black man, hottie... no.
'what can i get ya cheif?' he asks me. the kids mock him 'chief' they yell over and over as i try to get them to shut up without being heard from the outside, i can tell it's not working. not to mention the fact that they are calling him ' the big (meaning BIG) black man' kids say the most embarassing things and so the wrong time i swear.
'$20' i say. he walks away and then i hear him talking to the next car over. he laughs as he walks over to me. ok think reuben studdard, he looks just like him.
'did you hear that?' he asks me laughing.
'nope' thank god the kids are quiet now.
'dear god, he was speaking spanish so i in turn spoke it back, and he said -don't speak to me in spanish you're not mexican- christ ok, well then speak english' he says laughing and i laugh.
so ok, the spanish speaking citizens of america (ok hillsboro) don't want to speak english up here, but they don't want us to speak to them in spanish because we're not mexican? lordy, you got me there. i don't know how to respond. LOL
so if ya speak spanish, good for you. but if i speak spanish to you, thank me! at least i'm not screaming english at you like you can't hear, because you don't speak the language. i've seen that, oh you don't speak english, well it's not the same as being deaf. if you speak english louder to someone who doesn't, THEY STILL DON"T UNDERSTAND YOU PROFESSOR!! LOL
another funny story... geesh i jump around alot huh? LOL i'm surprised you all keep reading.
i'm headed into safeway with my then 2 year old son. he had just figured out that men are daddys. so he calls them all 'a daddy' that has become the babysitters boyfriends permanent name, but it comes out as daddy and i keep telling him, man when you're with him it looks a little funky seeing a little white boy call a black man daddy. LOL so anywho... we're walking into safeway and there is a group of chinese men standing next to the door. i'm trying to get a cart and keep the three kids from all running in different directions when rylen (he was 2) heads over to the chinese (ok they could be asian, tiawanese, i dont freaking know so i'm asuming chinese, my bad) so he walks over to them and yells 'is that my daddy?' oh christ. the men all look up at me like i'm completely wacked. 'ah nuthing better than a boy searching for his father' i say to them with a straight face. i'm not sure they spoke english but they all laughed like i was crazy so i winked and walked away. aahhh well it was funny to me...
i'm done... what was i talking about when i started this post? my day or something, i dunno i got sidetracked.. i daydream alot, so sue me... LOL you're the one who reads it, and i do appreciate it!! :)
--aimee
first of all i had to figure out what the hell time it was. i have like 5 clocks in this house and they all said different things. i think i'm right now, i'll find out tomorrow when i go into work huh?i'm thinking arizona has the right idea of not doing it at all, it's less confusing for us morons.
lets see, rylen appears to like the group hoobastank, i'm listening to them and he keeps yelling 'turn it up' ok son, but i don't want the police here for disturbing the neighbors and i can already feel the music in the floor. dang party animal... he's going to be my wild one i just know it. and the kids is MEAN, whoa, he's gonna be trouble i think. i can't imagine where he got a wild streak at...
ok funny story from a few months back. we're at a chevron in hillsboro, no offense to hillsboro but it appears to be the mexican capital of portland, no one speaks english i swear. so we're getting gas and the attendant i normally get is here. he's a big sweet black man, so nice. and when i say sweet i mean 'nice' not all oohh big sweet black man, hottie... no.
'what can i get ya cheif?' he asks me. the kids mock him 'chief' they yell over and over as i try to get them to shut up without being heard from the outside, i can tell it's not working. not to mention the fact that they are calling him ' the big (meaning BIG) black man' kids say the most embarassing things and so the wrong time i swear.
'$20' i say. he walks away and then i hear him talking to the next car over. he laughs as he walks over to me. ok think reuben studdard, he looks just like him.
'did you hear that?' he asks me laughing.
'nope' thank god the kids are quiet now.
'dear god, he was speaking spanish so i in turn spoke it back, and he said -don't speak to me in spanish you're not mexican- christ ok, well then speak english' he says laughing and i laugh.
so ok, the spanish speaking citizens of america (ok hillsboro) don't want to speak english up here, but they don't want us to speak to them in spanish because we're not mexican? lordy, you got me there. i don't know how to respond. LOL
so if ya speak spanish, good for you. but if i speak spanish to you, thank me! at least i'm not screaming english at you like you can't hear, because you don't speak the language. i've seen that, oh you don't speak english, well it's not the same as being deaf. if you speak english louder to someone who doesn't, THEY STILL DON"T UNDERSTAND YOU PROFESSOR!! LOL
another funny story... geesh i jump around alot huh? LOL i'm surprised you all keep reading.
i'm headed into safeway with my then 2 year old son. he had just figured out that men are daddys. so he calls them all 'a daddy' that has become the babysitters boyfriends permanent name, but it comes out as daddy and i keep telling him, man when you're with him it looks a little funky seeing a little white boy call a black man daddy. LOL so anywho... we're walking into safeway and there is a group of chinese men standing next to the door. i'm trying to get a cart and keep the three kids from all running in different directions when rylen (he was 2) heads over to the chinese (ok they could be asian, tiawanese, i dont freaking know so i'm asuming chinese, my bad) so he walks over to them and yells 'is that my daddy?' oh christ. the men all look up at me like i'm completely wacked. 'ah nuthing better than a boy searching for his father' i say to them with a straight face. i'm not sure they spoke english but they all laughed like i was crazy so i winked and walked away. aahhh well it was funny to me...
i'm done... what was i talking about when i started this post? my day or something, i dunno i got sidetracked.. i daydream alot, so sue me... LOL you're the one who reads it, and i do appreciate it!! :)
--aimeeMancovered's Blog about a whole bunch of stuff !!
Mash Potatoes, Marvel Comics, Princesses, Cookery, Poetry and Laughter!!! Join in Let's have a Party!!!! 
here i go
i am happy now why do you choose to call me now
its been 7yrs since you have been gone
you choose not to be in our life
so dont call and cry that your sorry
i was sorry to see you go
but it happened for the best
now i am starting a new life with a wonderful man
he treats me like you never did
treats our son like his own
and i want him not you so dont call and cry about it
just let the past go and live for today
its been 7yrs since you have been gone
you choose not to be in our life
so dont call and cry that your sorry
i was sorry to see you go
but it happened for the best
now i am starting a new life with a wonderful man
he treats me like you never did
treats our son like his own
and i want him not you so dont call and cry about it
just let the past go and live for today
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