My ex BF's are such phenomenal teachers. I am beyond grateful for what love and support they were able to provide, when we were together. For those karmic relationships that went toxic and abusive, I am even thankful for those lessons in boundaries, self-care, and protection.
The amazing thing is, once completely & safely away and out of those situations, that's when the clarity comes in; you can see the value, of what looks in the thick of fresh wounds, to seem like hell. Well yeah, in the moment, it is. A yoUniversal hazing and initiation of sorts. "That which does not kill you, makes you stronger."
I can't tell you how many people that have either seen what one specific ex did to me (when he forgot I had the cam and mic on, while in the chatroom) - calling me a strong woman. That never went to my head, because I just didn't believe it. It's hard to. I'm starting to see it now, though.
My twin flame is the best ex anyone could ever have. I just wish my relationship with my other ex's, were as golden as with him. Despite differences, I cherish him so much and always will.
I appreciate the Scorpio Chiropractor's depth. We shared such a DEEP bond and connection, regardless of him being 30 yrs older than me. I love that so much, and value him taking it to a level that was of importance to me when he took me out into the mountains and into his garden. Spending time with Gaia together. That means the world to me.
I value the organic groceries that the Sagittarius Healer went out of his way to buy me (almost weekly). I never asked him to do that. When he found out how much my EBT deposit amounts were per month, and looked at the cost of organic foods - he just took it upon himself to jump in and make sure I had all I needed. I am also grateful for the AIKI martial arts moves he taught me, and he too taking me out into his fruit tree garden and showing me how to help him in caring for those tree's (some had fungal infections).
And although the Pisces Chemical Engineer is not yet an ex, I do want to give props for the time he gives me out of his busy day to just share his technical world with me. Just like Johnny 5 in Short Circuit, he knows I get off on INPUT. So telling me all the technicalities that go into water waste treatment and converting plastics into fuel - the sh*t blows my phukking mind. I love it. Even moreso, what I value most about him is that when he saw in himself how his treatment of me was effecting me, the fact that he (instead of blaming me as the others before him did) he consciously chose NOT to project, but instead of saying "I'm sorry" in words, he simply did corrective actions. He not only changed his behavior, but he also worked towards remedying the wound that he observed was created.
So in this post, I merely wish to glorify all the super shiny amazing aspects of those that have been in my life. And this is how I KNOW the more I practice the Law of Attraction, the more I SEE/Experience the manifestations of it playing out in my relationships. This guy I'm involved with right now, he's TOTALLY accountable.
I started this practice of using L.O.A. back in 2010, after having read The Secret. And I have seen all the relationships (despite some manipulations here and there, and downright either mental/financial/s*xual/physical/ spiritual abuse) --- the other stuff, has gotten gradually better and better.
It's like, the more spiritual work I do . . . all the fasting and helping others selflessly . . .the self-love spiritual baths. . . all the internal processes; burning down the sh*tty karma. I see the rewards with each new man that I allow into my life. And I keep being told by my spirits that my soulmate (as we have many) that specific ONE that is the end all, be all is so close. There's high possibility he finds me this year.
Just praying he lives in NM, AZ, UT, CA, Southwest CO, Southeastern OR some place in or nearest the desert.
. . .but are afraid of the consequences of that, if/when they take it out of context?
I've been talking to this guy for a few months. Even went out to Florida last month, to help care for him after having screws surgically removed from his ankle; which he was ordered to keep elevated for 2 to 3 weeks, Post-Op.
While staying in his apartment, it became very clear to me that he and I are not
compatible enough. VERY very close. Soooo close, but
no cigar kinda shiznit.
The weird thing is, I truly love and appreciate him. Like I feel so much for him in my heart, but the connection isn't strong enough to make anything. Plus there was zero tantra, so of course that made the whole thing dead in the water (
apart from other SERIOUS concerns).
People often confuse "
I Love You" with "
I'm IN LOVE With You" <<<< this sh*t right here is not cool; drama follows swiftly with that kinda b.s.
It makes me sad, because the other day, I felt him so deeply in my heart and wanted so badly to tell him
I love you. However, the backlash once this ends - because it WILL - is so not phukking worth me even saying it.
For anyone who needs this. Honestly feel this should be taught in group sessions, because a lot of people are carrying around
etheric baggage from exes, that need to be discarded for the success of their next relationship.
Soooo,
a friend of mine is encouraging me to write a book about fasting and how to do it successfully, because it comes so easy to me, while she and many others in our group struggle with it.
I'm kicking the idea around, sounds like it could be a fairly easy write.
At first I was concerned with how little content would be in there, however I have another friend that
fasts and she eats horrid ish to break her fast. Processed foods! Like are you effing kidding me???!
Seriously, omg!
So yeah, I gotta include the proper way to prepare, tricks on how to stick with it, and also the best G.I. friendly way to break the fast.
New project, yeah yeah yeah
New project, yeah yeah yeah
There have been zero exceptions, so far.
* s m h *
cuz W T F !???
I am grateful for my education. That's not the problem. I am grateful for my insatiable lust for knowledge, and persistent tenacity for digging up truth. That's NOT the problem.
The problem is, how the phuck do you gift someone with these things, but also put mentally phukked psycho's in their love life - leaving unseen battle scars (that is until it's triggered)?
Every effing therapist I've had is so fascinated with my knowledge, that it distracts them (ALL OF THEM) from the PTSD, Anxiety, & OCD issues. So they never get addressed, and no resolution is found. I'm not going to therapy for a new friend - because that's what winds up happening. Seriously, my insurance is being billed for primo intellectually stimulating conversation, that gets further and further from healing. I mean really. I could have met ALL those therapists on here or PlentyofFish or OKCupid. Like all my other platonic guy friends.
Western medicine in broken. From age 19 forward, it's failed with the exception of 1 therapist I met in the hospital who helped me find peace with the rotten seeds planted from my mother. Well, I AM grateful for that. Dr. Greenwald moved from Ohio, though. So now what?
Send me a phukkin healer dad gummit. I require an intuitively gifted healer, who is NOT distracted by the frontal lobe, so that my challenges can be worked through, integrated, and healed.
Bein fragmented is getting old, and doesn't serve me.
Signed,
Phukkin frustrated and disgruntled
So he's got the same zodiac Sun & Moon signs that I do.
His Mercury is also retrograding in Capricorn, JUST like mine.
*The yoUniverse is tryn it's damnedest to cringe my a$$ out.
He's like another me, only in a body 11 years older than mine.
He's not hot, but he's not ugly either . . .he reminds me of
Billybob Thorton (honestly the best lookin guy Angelina was with
- cuz her taste in men SUX)
Anyway, this guy is swiftly becoming my new bestie. We've already
chatted on Zoom once; that lasted F I V E hours. Not joking.
We were having such a great time talking, didn't wanna hang up.
Sh*t it was like 6 AM here, when I hung up.
He's a sweetheart, and fun to be in his company. However, there's
no Tantra. I can't fall in love with him; we'd just be besties, for life I
guess.
That's not a relationship I want. I DO want my partner to be my
best friend, but I want to be attracted to him and for there to be
an ability to exchange sensual energies with one another.
I just can't BE WITH some dude that has no tantra education or
experience.
So I'm noticing the older I get, the stronger my connection to my Native ancestry on my father's side which is having an impact on not only my behavior but also my taste when it comes to specific qualities in a partner.
The hilarious thing is, anytime I ever post something with regard to what I call "Native drives/desires", it never fails, someone with European ancestry that doesn't comprehend Native ways calls me "crazy"
Just 2 days ago some dude on here read the part of what I'm looking for in a partner, and he called me "crazy" for it; saying I need therapy and meds, simply because I don't want to hear about sex. I mean, when you're in a relationship that part is obvious. It's not needed for discussion, in the moments you're together you go with the flow. However, that subject is so over discussed, and I'm burned out on men that don't have the capacity to spend a substantial amount of time discussing something more deep and meaningful, instead of trying to get off on our chat/conversation. I'm not into that. Either do it, or don't; but discussing it like there's nothing else to talk about is pathetic and boring. I'm sapio, and talking about that really doesn't take much brain power (especially from what I've heard from men in the past or even those that wanna flash unsolicited c*ck pics
). My kink is being taught some ultra nerdy ish, or super spiritual higher dimensional techniques. If the subject doesn't benefit the growth of my intellect or consciousness - it's gonna bore the sh*t out of me.
So, I'm wonderin if this is some sort of
rite of passage or something. It cracks me up. I mean, back when the colonials landed here, they were calling my Mayan and Dakota people crazy back then too. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, is all I gotta say. I am of my people. Grant it, I am mixed blood however, their influence is very much prevalent with me much more so than the African and Irish.
Just thinking….
remembering the day I explained death to my son, when he was 3 years old. That was the day we were in my favorite Forest, connecting with our Earth mother and Creator. We walked around listening to the sounds of insects and animals around us, smiling at sprouting tree’s, and hugging a few big one’s along the way. I think it was after we both relieved ourselves at the root of some trees, and offered mother some old veggies that we came across the fallen tree. She was massive, and he was curious. The tree had been there for a while, as it was partially broken down already. I told my son “this tree is sleeping with Earth mother, see?” I reached down and grabbed some of the bits of disintegrated wood, allowing him to watch it fall loosely from my hands ( I probably should have asked the tree permission to do this; darn it, I wasn’t thinking to ask at the time ). After he watched me scatter the particles, I told him: “When we sleep with Earth mother, we don’t wake back up, and after a while of sleeping with her, we go back to her body and become part of her again, just like this tree. This is what Nanna Jackie and your hamster Angus look like right now, cuz they’re sleeping with mother Earth too”. To which, his eyes widened and he let out “Oooooh!” And from the way he said it, I could tell, even at age 3, he understood what I was telling him.
. . .That this 2nd Mercury retrograding period of 2021, has been (hands-down) THE absolute WORST retrograde of my life. Between botched work scheduling (getting booked 7 effin days in a row; and 1 day I was double shifted back to back, Sat evenin rollin into the wee early hours of Sun marnin; seriously WTAF !?) + the romantic communication confusion.
One thing I can say that this retro-period HAS actually taught me, that regardless of how old any fire-sign man is (karmically) he's bad news once we catch feelings. Soon as Mercury retro hits (old/young makes not a d@mn bit o' difference) they all (Aries and Sagittarius - Leo's not quite as bad, but still aggressive; best to err on the side of caution and leave the Lions be too)
*DISCLAIMER* --- Now I'm not saying Leo's, Sagittarius, & Aries are bad - at all. H3ll I get along fantastic with them,
as long as we refrain from ANY sort of spiritual/emotional/physical intimacy, because that's the door that allows for karmic entanglement. Ugh! Sciatica, PTSD, OCD, and Anxiety are the lovely trophy scars left behind from fire-sign ex's. Battle-wounds. As much as I love the Norse, I'm happy not to be one. I'm too love and light to have massacred my ex's as my rage would have wanted me to.
So glad I myself am not a fire-sign, either. I'd have been fried in the electric chair years ago for murder
No joke. Fire + Fire = explosion. And with the placements I have feeding the rage....yyyyeah, I'm good being an Aquarius and keepin Mo-Fo's at a healthy distance. Just grabbing my crystals, meditating and zenning out to my solfeggio frequencies and chants.
Phukk that 6 foot shiznit. That ain't social distance. Try a whole state or two away, or h3ll, why not a whole ocean away?
SEEKINGinger Blog (44)
