Hello all. I’m sorry for being such an a**hole lately. I didn’t think I was capable of being an a** but someone here said yes you’re being an a** so I apologize. I would blame how my life is going at the moment but that isn’t a good excuse. There’s no reason for me to flip out at anyone here. You all are just voicing your opinion. I’m sorry. I was going to delete my profile but that’s not very mature either. I would be doing it for the wrong reasons. I only want to delete it if I’ve met someone. I want to do what Jack Dawson said in Titanic, 1997 and just learn to take life as it comes at me. That’s very sound advice in my opinion. Omg I love that advice! I did delete some blogs that I thought were “assholy” blogs. Lol. So if you commented on them I’m sorry your comment was deleted automatically. I know commenting takes time and effort. Thank you for doing so nevertheless and for putting up with me.
Here’s to more positive blogging in the future with you all.
(This blog was inspired by “Why do men rape women?” A blog written by fiftyshadesofgra)
I’ve recently watched documentaries about serial killers Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy. They were both before I was born so I wanted to culture myself a bit and get up to speed with the both of them. Dahmer said he raped and killed because he felt like he had no control over anything in his life. Bundy did it for possession and control. There’s always some form of control there.
I feel like I have no control over my life sometimes but that doesn’t drive me to hurt someone. However, I noticed a difference. My parents are still happily married. 51 years. Ted and Jeffrey didn’t have that.
Still though some people have had terrible childhoods and turned out just fine and great childhoods and turned serial killer/rapist. It’s really something I can’t wrap my head around either. Perhaps I should turn the tables and find out why people from bad backgrounds turned out fine as well to get a better picture. Ted said he did it because he wanted to, not explaining a motive. This is telling me he is inherently bad which goes with the fact that we are all inherently sinful.
I am leaving you all with this. My opinion is that the enemy played on their insecurities to get them to do his bidding. If you have an area where you’re weak he’s going to try his best to use that against you. I hate to say this but they allowed the devil to use them as his vessels. Dahmer even said he was going to build a shrine to the devil had he not been apprehended using the heads of his victims.
One of my friends asked me how can you watch that kind of stuff? I don’t because I know how the enemy works. I said I do too but it’s good to know how the mind of a serial killer/rapist works so that you can avoid it. I commend her for not watching those films though. I really shouldn’t be watching them either except for the reasons I mentioned.
Words uttered by Caledon Hockley played By Billy Zane in the classic 1997 version of Titanic. The one James Cameron directed. By the way, James Cameron was very interested in studying Titanic and went down there himself to see where he went wrong in his film. I really respect that. But I digress. That’s a whole other blog. This blog is about my passion to relive the ill-fated ocean liner of years, no decades past. And to fulfill my dream to travel aboard the currently being built tribute, never a replacement, Titanic II.
Nobody claimed to have thought that Titanic was in fact unsinkable...at first. That was embellished by Hollywood. Titanic was indeed sinkable much to everyone’s dismay. In ways unimaginable to both the ship’s captain, engineer, and all the passengers in her wake. So what makes Titanic II virtually unsinkable? I say virtually because Titanic IIs voyages are currently being unrealized because she is currently being built. Which features defy nature? Nature by its very essence is undefiable. You cannot predict happenstance nor can you defy nature as proved by the original ocean liners sinking. It’s only considered unsinkable by our finite imaginations. Posing no contender to nature. Which is very much false. One can argue that nature has no contenders and must be respected.
First off we must thank the Australian billionaire Clive Palmer for putting the funds toward this project one that exceeds the funds of it’s predecessor due to inflation of course, duh. But I digress again. I want to give him credit for making my dream and passion of mine to sail aboard the Titanic, of what we knew her to be aboard the Titanic II. The current cost of the funding project is around 500 million and she is to set sail in 2022. Her first feature that I will mention is that she is true to the original model, just a bit broader to accommodate the physics of staying afloat in a crisis. She has third, second, and first class boarding accommodations, exactly like the original. I probably will stay in third class as the second and first class is way out of my price range rendering me subject to roommates, ugh, but ultimately, I do not care about where I stay in the ship. I can sleep in the cargo hold for all I care. Most of my days will be spent on the leisure decks and up on the main deck enjoying the cool Atlantic breeze and sunshine on my face. Enjoying the heck out of life.
Oops! There I go again...okay where was I...ahem. Oh yes. Another difference is that there will be plenty of lifeboats this time. Enough to accommodate every soul on board. Do I trust humans though?! Oh heck no! I will be bringing my own life jacket aboard. You never know what could or will happen. When a crisis happens and people panic they act irrationally. Someone could grab five life jackets and throw them overboard in an attempt to make a raft, and just like that you are without a life jacket. Anything is possible in a crisis. You have to think like that and always be prepared.
The hull in the original model was weak compared to the impact of an iceberg. To ensure it’s sturdiness the hull of the current model will be wielded shut and not riveted. The water pressure forced the rivets off encouraging faster flooding and rendered the water tight compartment worthless. And it was rumored that during her trial tests that there was an explosion in one of the steam rooms weakening the hull. The maiden voyage went on despite all this. I think that may have been true because there are too many things that have to had gone wrong to explain how weak the hull became. There have also been rumors that the ship was bombed and that’s how it split in half. Some of the passengers said that they heard a loud explosion but that also could have been due to the water pressure exploding the ships compartments and also steam pressure. It’s all so interesting but there’s no way I can prove a lot of the information that I read. (To be continued in comments section...)
I will be joining some single peeps in the Fresno area at the end of this month for a game night. I imagine there will be men there that will bring their chess games because us single introverts like games like that…heady games, so I learned chess in one afternoon.
Ask me if I’m good at it though because that’s a whole other ball game…
I couldn’t understand what a stalemate was to save my life for a bit. So now without the aid of the internet I will try to tell you all what it is in my own words…and someone told me not to feel bad because it’s hard for a newbie to grasp but I want to understand damnit!
It is when the king, if he moves in any direction, will become under attack but he is not under attack until he does so. So the game is a draw.
Checkmate is when the king is directly under attack and when he attempts to move out of the way then he is still under attack. So the game is over.
Am I right or wrong?
Oh lawd.
This is fun though. I’m learning something new.
My own pick for game night though is a game called score four. I played that with a man once. He beat me every time but I had a blast playing that game. It’s like a three dimensional game of checkers. So I will be bringing that one to share.
My most recent relationship failed after 4 days of being together. I think what I did wrong was…nothing. At this point I have learned enough from dating to know what not to do. I’m over it. If a man doesn’t want to invest his time into me then he’s not worth it. I’m back with a vengeance. Lol not really. It just sounded cool to say. I’m back with a cool air. Keep it low key they say. You don’t want to be high maintenance now they say. Guess what? I do not care. I know I’m not high maintenance. If I appear any way at any given moment it was just how I was feeling at that moment. I’m so tired of not being able to be myself. That’s all I feel relationships are. Gotta be someone else to hook em’. No I do not. I highly disagree. You get to the point where you date so much that being alone takes on a whole new meaning. In a sense that you can have peace and freedom…and happiness. It’s possible and I’m not going to let anyone tell me differently.
I get joy now doing things for myself. The last 5 days my resting heart rate has lowered from pushing myself in the gym daily. I signed up for a CPR course on Friday so that I can advance professionally. I’m doing things that are important to my mental health and growth. It’s a real challenge just to keep the environment around me clean. It’s a daily struggle. I get a sense of fulfillment when I actually do keep it clean. I may not be where everyone else is in life but feeling my own sense of achievement is what’s important to me. I don’t compare anymore. I can’t. It gets me down every time.
Oh and I have long flowing mermaid hair again. Very happy about that. And there are no knots. Lol. Having hair this long can get stinking difficult.
I told my boyfriend that I can’t watch governor Newsom because he’s too good looking. I can’t focus on what he’s saying. I told him so I have to rely on your interpretation. My boyfriend said he tries to tell other states what to do even though he’s governor of California. And you can’t disagree with anything he says because he’s the governor of California.
I suppose his only redeeming quality is his looks then.
And no my boyfriend didn’t mind that I said that about Newsom. He’s secure in himself. I’m actually the one ashamed of myself that I can’t even focus on a word he says because he’s beautiful. I’m a sucker for beauty.
I’ve come to the inevitable conclusion that I’m not going to find my other half in life. So I’m going to make arrangements with an Italian man in LA to “blow off steam” so to speak. I found him on a discreet site. Well he found me and threw me a like. May as well pick a man I want to do that with…the very best. He is the very best.
The thing is though is that I post my best photos online. I’m not gonna look like that at a drop of a hat. It takes time to look good so I’m hoping he doesn’t say can I see you right now?? I always dread that question. The last time that happened the guy said you look nothing like your picture. I told him I told you I’m not made up. I have no makeup on. Before he could respond he deleted me. So I dread it.
I want to do this before I get too old and have no libido left. I don’t know what will happen in the future. It’s possible that I won’t even care about it anymore and I dread that too.
So thanks Luke for telling me to just do it. I agree with you. It’s gonna pass me by and I’ll regret it. The years are going by fast now. Might as well do it before I can’t get men that are perfect 10s anymore. He’s 45 and a perfect 10. Man he’s gorgeous.
In other news, I have a big interview coming up for a medical assisting position. I actually can’t wait for it because the sooner it happens the quicker I will find out if I’m hired or not. I will take interviewing suggestions down below. And no they’re not male so I can’t use my sex appeal. Lol.
But if I get hired I will be celebrating with Mr. Mambo Italiano.
*All comments are subject to deletion at the discretion of the OP. Comment at your own risk.*
Hello all. Someone messaged me on this site and said I had to stop posting personal things on the net. I agreed and went and deleted several blogs. I’m sorry I made you guys read that. And I admit that I had the insults that I was unintentionally asking for coming. So here’s to being safe and boring again. Cheers!
P.S. Thank you to that person. You know who you are.
Today I leave for Disneyland in Anaheim, CA at 4 am. I told my beau I would sleep but I haven’t slept. I can’t. Every time I go somewhere with impending excitement I can’t sleep. But I will try here shortly after this writing. I have to leave by 0400 to get there by 0800. Oh the anticipation!
The new place I absolutely must see there is Galaxy’s Edge. I haven’t been to Disneyland since they opened that. I want to drive the millennium falcon and indulge in the chocolate popcorn and spiked blue milk. I want to be spooked by Kylo Ren. I want the full experience.
The day after that is when I will meet my beau in LA and he will officially ask me to be his girlfriend. Omg I cannot wait as he’s been consistent with me. He wanted me to be a girlfriend sooner but I just wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to rush it. He said okay, I’m sure about you now but I’ll respect your wishes.
Be still my beating heart!
Say a prayer for me as I rummage through the chaos that is LA.
Well I wanted to get started with my day BUT I am inspired to write yet another long term blog. After this you guys probably won’t see a blog from me for a while. Because I do post quite a bit here now that I’m not on Facebook but anyhow….
A way to keep your brain from succumbing to entropy is to play the piano. A long lost hobby of mine that I dearly love. I will be posting videos of me playing it on YouTube and posting it here once I get back into it. Because I do want to show the world that I do have passions that I pursue that aren’t just about sexy handsome men. Although they are very high on my list. Lol.
So stay tuned for those videos. It will be a series of music pieces that I love to play on piano. I’m mainly into classical pieces right now because they are both challenging and melodic simultaneously. I don’t care anymore if you guys see what I look like. I’m tired of hiding myself. I have things to offer in my creative and inspiring arsenal.
My melodic piece of weaponry. I love it so much. One of the things I would grab if there was a fire threat. And excuse the mess. My teenage kitten has other ideas besides keeping order.
I am now recertified as a medical assistant from the board of California of medical assistants. Today I get my moderna booster so that I can put it on my resume. I told my boss and he said that’s great news but I don’t want you leaving me, I thought you were going to work with me. I understand though if it’s a better paying job. I said it was what I went to college for.
I think I have a way to stay with him though that he would like. I’m going to tell him on the 3rd. I didn’t think they would recertify me this quickly but apparently I already finished the necessary requirements. He was a bit surprised and sad. I told him I was going to let him know once I started looking for another job again(which I haven’t started). That process takes months from experience. He said yeah okay in a sad tone. Omg I feel so sad now. I hope he’ll like my idea.
But how he found out was that I brought my paperwork to work so that I could finish it. He said what’s all this? I just told him. I wasn’t trying to hide anything. He’s very observant when it comes to my life. That makes me feel good. Not very many people care what’s going on with me besides my immediate family.
My dad found an old glam shot I did when I was 20. He said Omg look how beautiful you were. What happened? Omg my dad is so mean. Haha! Enjoy this pic all. My dad wanted to keep it. I said no I want it! It’s my photo! Then he found another one so I let him keep it but my gawd what am I a dog now??
I didn’t even like how she did my makeup for this session.
So this is not a catfish guys because I dated the photo. Don’t come at me. Just thought it would be fun to post.
Mermaidhair Blog (21)
