Its Ironic !
As we grow up we (especially girls) dream
of falling in love and in some cases of getting married and raising happy families.
And despite the hurt and disappointment which most of us have experienced at some stage or other in our lives,
the fact that we are here online, is probable proof that most of us still believe this . . .I came onto this site pretty much falling into that category believing that it is out there . . . .
. . . . but strangely enough, coming onto a dating site has in fact made me question the validity of this thought.
Maybe its because there is too much hurt here and too many damaged beings, but I have come to doubt that too many people here actually do believe in love.
I'd like to know if you think I am right or wrong in this assessment
Comments (45)
I do know that under most circumstances what you really believe is usually what you get. The trick is to make sure you are not sending out mixed messages and to understand what it is you really want.
I am not questioning peoples reasons for being here,or even their objectives.
What you say is absolutely true, how many mixed messages are being sent out. What I have observed is that while there are many who claim that they are here to find love, their comments or their blogs don't always reflect this.
I was on another site and was absolutely clear as to what my short term and long term goals were in a relationship. Met a man who told me everything that I wanted to hear.......his profile read "seeking one special woman for monogamous relationship."
He told me that he wanted to be exclusive and had taken his profile off of the site so I did the same after one year. I later found out only through checking his cell phone and emails that he was not only still communicating other women but still dating.
When I confronted him about his dishonesty he looked at me , smiled and said : "so this is it? well, it is what it is...I did enjoy you very much."
So though one person may be absolutely clear and honest as to what they are seeking this does not guarantee that the other will do the same.
Re: "my focus is that i have love in my heart i wanna share it with the person suitable for it....... does that make sense....don't know.."
That makes more sense than just about anything else I have heard concerning the topic of Love.
Thanks For Sharing That Thought
Rocco
I am so glad that you still have love in you heart, despite you experiences in life.
Is it possible that you life experiences have dissillusioned you to the extent that you sometimes doubt whether that love in your heart is really available or accessible?
Or maybe you even doubt that there is someone out there who would or could be the right one for you?
(Please note I am speaking in general)
is it a direct result of LOVE having failed us
or is it as a result of us having failed love . . .
Are we in love with the thought of love ? ? ? ?
Or do we really understand what loving and being loved encompasses ? ? ?
Do we walk around with major expectations of LOVE and then we're surprised when 'love'doesn't deliver? ? ??
You have a point
People on this site and most similar sites are usually in not so good financial situation and look for wealthy men or women who will financially support them. Or they are financially stable, but are looking only for fun, not a serious relationship. Or if they do, it's usually because they have children and need someone to take care of them.
I'm not sure if it is possible to meet 'true love' on such sites. Maybe, but very very rarely.
That's my impression, which is completely subjective, of course.
There are different kinds of love....family, friends, & of course love interests. I have my love to give to the right guy who's hopefully out ther. At times you want that love....but at times it seems that ur self sabotaging yourself. But why?
You dream of finding love & being happily ever after....but life happens & things change...your priorities chamge. You get jaded & become cautious...& you put up a wall of excuses & past hurts. And also you have unrealistic expectations & you become disappointed.....
All of the above comments have some truth to them. Is there an answer? Or is it all a merry-go-round of "unrealistic expectations".
When I joined CS I was in relationship which came slowly to the end. My first reason being here has never been dating
What I needed was to communicate with people who have faced similar experience as me. I needed to read blogs and threads and after to post step by step just when I felt strong enough - not to hit people with my frustration and disappointment. It took me 8 months to recover in silence and next 8 months to post and communicate to people here.
Today I know what I DO NOT WANT! And it was that I needed to understand...
I joined here because of loneliness and in an attempt to date and perhaps find my match. I have always believed in love.
Trouble is with most relationships that the two people in question would be in it for different reasons and perhaps not love each other equally. Or unconditionaly as we have been told is the ideal kind of love.
We don't all have the same views on love/relationship, no not at all, so finding somebody with similar values makes it even trickier.
But I have, since joining in April this year realised that if I meet someone the chances of it happening here or at all are very slim. This is not negativity but a more realistic approach.
Love truly does exist, finding it however is not as easy as some might think.
I have since decided to relax about it and embrace my singledom, I am content on my own for now.
I have gained insight, made some connections and enjoyed interacting with others at CS, I am still learning and discovering new things about people and about myself everyday
Unfortunate if you happen to find yourself in that situation because what can then happen is that we fail to see what is infront of us
So if you do believe in love you could end up not seeing it because you are looking somewhere else or walking around with blinkers on
I am sure that when we become hurt so badly that we becomse disillisioned, then it is surely due to a lot more than a mere 'relationship'.
I would venture to say that the hurt was probably caused by a lot more than that, and a failed "relationship" would surely not become an obstacle to us walking the path again?
Firstly I have to say that I traded my old baggage for a nice new executive delux travel kit. It still goes everywhere with me, but it's been streamline so that it is no longer a burden but a very attractive accessory
A very valid comment, regarding the time frames . .. maybe that is part of the problem here on these sites. People come here, having decided to find a new love or life, and expect it to happen instantaeously. After a week or even a month of being online, there are cries of, I am wasting my time? Once again the question is, are the expectations too high?
I have to agree with you interms of the criteria which people set, they do create restrictions on what they are willing to accept in their prospective partners, but I guess most have valid reasons for putting those in place. Of course, the question does remain, . . . is the one they are relly looking for trapped behind that wall of exclusions, maybe for something which could be overcome?
With regards to the issue of finance, i find that peoples financial status is relative . .. what one considers to be comfortable, another might find to be border-line bankrupt and another might find it border-line wealth. I can't really sy that I've encountered anyone here who made those issues obvious in any way.
You say that is it more a matter of maintaining the goal, rather than a belief in love, that would of could depend on what the main objective was too start out with, did you come here looking for love or did you come here mainly to find a partner with whom you established a reasonable connection?
absolutely right I'm sure that the longer the search for that goal , whatever it might be, the more tiring it becomes.
I must admit though, that finding love had never been an active search in the past (maybe youth had a lot to do with that
Aaah, an interesting term you used . . .'Self sabotage'
i think it blends inn very easily with the rest of your comment. the change in our priorities along with the change in you expectations could well be the leading cause for what you so aptly referred to as 'Self sabotage'
I guess that occurs when we set the goal to move on and then find all the excuses why 'ít' never work
You said:I must admit though, that finding love had never been an active search in the past (maybe youth had a lot to do with that )
I couldn't agree with you more
Like success: the most successful people are too busy to look for it, but success finds them
Once again we're on the same wavelength, Is that perhaps the way to go, rather than make a stand and say 'I WANT THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER' in a partner, perhaps we should do some introspection and decide what we absolutely do NOT want . .. maybe that would open our borders a bit to allow a few more to enter our sacred inner cirle
I think this ties in well with your previous comment as well, in that we become so caught up in the search, that we forget to look around us. Maybe we should be more willing to let life take centre stage, while we merely keep the stage lights on?
I think that is more often true about relationships than about any other aspect of our lives
Maybe one day we will learn
But to youre question... I think it`s not just the pain and bad experiences that makes this very difficult.
We are a LOT of people gathered inside this screen, and as we all are humans, we easely get distrackted all the time...
Because even if you like a person here, you don`t know if this person is the right one untill a meeting has taken place.
And to speak fore my selfe, I think the distance might be the biggest problem...
Not many people close enough that I can ask fore a "regular" date?
So, It`s very easy to pull back, and stop talking whit people, because you never know if they realy are the one you search fore...Ore if you are the one they search fore...
So, I agree with you. Have no big hopes, just a litle dream left...Just in case!
Once again we come back to issue of whether or not we send out mixed messages . . .
When we doubt ourselves, we change the tone of our comments, or we withdraw(like you mentioned) or we go silent even . . .
could this not be seen as us not knowing what we want from this experience, like feeling said earlier, setting our goals, early in the game?
But it`s clearly that all the human weeknesses pops up from time to time...
That is why i maintain that people do reveal themselves here, even when they try not to.
Like they say, you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool All the people, all the time.
Neehhh...
Not sure if it`s fore you?
Add me to that group
well it would appear that I am in good company