Death By Puns

* I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

* When chemists die, they barium.

* Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

* A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

* I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

* How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

* I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

* This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

* I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

* I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

* They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

* This dyslexic man walks into a bra?

* I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

* A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

* When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

* What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds..

* I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

* Broken pencils are pointless.

* What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

* England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

* I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

* I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

* All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

* I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

* Velcro - what a rip off!

* Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.