Blindsided By Life
I've dreamed of living in Ireland for years now. It is a dream that has sustained me through my darkest days. I plan to move there, with my son, after he graduates high school next summer. Yes, I had my life all planned.I don't know if my dreams of Ireland are going to come true now! Something has happened to throw that dream into chaos! I am so angry and confused.
I was careful to only correspond with men from Ireland. Well, last month 2 of them broke contact with me when I told them about my past baggage of the abuse and suicide attempts and mental health issues. Most men can't handle it and I don't blame them. One of the men couldn't handle the fact that I have seen and interacted with spirits and grew up in a haunted house.
They both ended up calling me a freak and leaving skid marks on the pavement in their haste to get away from me.
I cannot help the fact that my 150 year old childhood house is haunted or that I could sense and see the things I do! I grew up believing everyone could and it was no big deal. My mother told me to never mention it out loud again and to never tell anyone. Well, that made me feel like a freak for sure.
I have been corresponding with 3 men from Ireland, since the "freak incident." Everything had been going well for this past month.
Unbeknownst to me, a man had slipped in under my radar. And he is not Irish! How could I have let this happen?! We got to know each other in the forums. Just friendly banter really. He got to see all my secrets because of my inability to lie and keep my mouth shut.
He even joked with me about knowing my bad qualities and asked if I had any good qualities as a selling point to recommend me as a potential partner for a man. That remark kind of stung. He emailed me to apologize and we have been corresponding ever since. He got to know me better on the forums and through our private correspondence.
I should have seen it coming, but I didn't! He is so kind, compassionate, caring, understanding, loving and passionate he completely blindsided me! How could I stand against such an onslaught?! I had also stopped corresponding with the 3 men from Ireland a week ago and I didn't even notice!
When he confessed his feelings Wednesday night and I realized mine, I was livid with anger! How could I have let this happen?! I let him have it with other things from my past to discourage him and he took the revelations with style and grace! I then asked about any bad qualities he had and if he had any beliefs that were sexist, racist, homophobic or anything else objectionable. He responded calmly that I knew him well enough that I already knew the answers to those questions.
Dammit, I did! I raged at him for a couple hours until I calmed down. He was loving and kind through my whole tirade. Of course! He's perfect for me! But he's not Irish! I'm so screwed.
I told my 17 year old autistic son about my problem. He looked at me confused and said, "You have a man who knows all your flaws and accepts you and loves you anyway. What is your problem, again?"
Men! You see what I'm dealing with?!
Comments (41)
and your son is really a brave and smart kid....indeed, you have a man who knows all your flaws and accepts you and loves you anyway, so...what a hell is with you ?? what is your problem ?? just because of a dream you have it ?? don't confuse the illusions with dreams and after all.....sometime we don't know what's the best for us, the fate will guide you anyway, even if you want or not...by the way, from where is the lucky one ??
you know, while i was visiting some friends in Turkey, i saw on theyrs TV chanel a mouvie "Evim sensin" (is mean "My home is You" ) i don't know if you can find it on line and in english, but you should see it....
so, be brave , at least same much as is your son and check well the guy first of all, cos the devil is always look angelic and the road to hell is paved with good intentions only...
if he is IN ireland (legally) then there shouldnt be any problem at all.
Why make waves?
Your sons high intelligence ability, tells him alls ok- so logically he asks whats the problem
Be Calm, youve attained something most here dont!
Unless im missing something here?
Honesty is good, too-much honesty can backfire or derail what might have been,
take things slower, relax, enjoy life, your dream is still in reach, IF this fellow dosent/didnt pan-out
theres about a million more to choose from! :)
You may want to edit out some information that might be best kept as private from your blog here
...just a though
Best of luck
You must follow your intuitions girl. The answers are all to be found WITHIN. Just listen to your inner voice...What does it tell you?
You are probably aware of the saying, "One bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Your dream of Ireland is just that: a dream and may or may come true (at least how you envision it). Have you ever had that happen?
Plus you can always go back to a dream. What you have in your hand is real.
Why don't you take a trip to Ireland together, just for a vacation? There may be compromises to the situation. If that is also out of the question, perhaps postpone the dream of Ireland for now and just continue to get to know your love interest. Perhaps in time, he might change his mind about Ireland when he sees how much it means to you. This is not impossible (though may be unlikely).
The final decision might just boil down to would you rather have someone to love, who loves you in return, or go to Ireland and possibly never meet someone like him again? The other relationships you had did not work out, so he may be one of those who are hard to replace for you, if not impossible. We are all one of a kind and unique...I have known people I "lost" and never met anyone like them again.
Thank you. I know I’m making trouble where there should be none. And life is what happens while we are busy making plans. And you don’t always get what you ask for, but you get what you need.
Love,
Yes, I have a habit of revealing too much info about myself. Because of that, I thought I was just here for the forums and the blogs. But, he accepted me anyway. He is an incredibly wonderful man.
Minerva,
My gut is telling me not to walk away from him.
Calm,
He wants me to have my dream. He wants me to move to Ireland and we meet there. I don’t know if he would be willing to move to Ireland. I don’t think I could ask him to leave his home. He just wants me to be happy. He is kind, loving, generous, compassionate, etc. Actually, he is perfect for me. We have the same values in common and he makes me very happy.
could be correct, ive been conned a couple times, no more though!
Tie this man down to an agreement to meet, if he balks walk AWAY as John states
if he meets up ASK relavant Q's ask ask ask!!!
Be realistic at ALL times though.
I don't want to put a damper on your dream but It's not as easy as you might think. Do you have a support system here? Just a few things to consider.
If he want you to let you have you’r dream, to be real and want you to mouve in Ireleand…where is the problem ? No need to ask him to mouve too, because if he asked you to go there is mean he will be there too (other wise why else ?? I don’t think he send you to live alone there) As you described him and the match between you2, I am sure that he saw you in his future….and who knows ? may be he want to make you a nice surprise, eeeeeh ? a real man, for the woman he love, is capable of the most nice and wonderfull surprises…
Don’t forget to invite me to the wedding, I’ll come gladely (especially now, when Ireleand is not so far as where you live now )
I realize we never truly know a person until we are face to face.
Yandis,
Yes, some decisions are harder to make.
Love,
Yes, we would meet first. Unfortunately, I am not in a financial position to do that at this time.
unla,
I have not been to Ireland and I would know no one there. I am aware of the things I have to do to become a citizen.
Lucy,
I agree. Perhaps I am letting the dream of Ireland cloud the vision of what is right in front of me.
Florence,
I just know he wants me to be happy. I want him to be happy as well.
don't stop believing. At times people can seem cold to your dreams, but don't you let them break you.
Hold on to your dreams, but I also think, why does it all revolve around Ireland?
I mean, if you should meet the best man for you that fulfills your, then whatever place on earth shouldn't matter. What should matter most, is that you are with him, and he is with you, and happiness blankets the both of you together.
BUT, if you're heart is totally set on only Ireland and it won't budge, then move there, start getting acquainted there, and perhaps you will find your right man there. You know, there may be something to your soul wanting to go to Ireland. Perhaps follow that hunch, follow your heart.
Just my opinion. Good luck in whatever you decide or do.
How does one move, lock, stock and barrel...and child...to a country that one has never even seen before?
How does one move, lock, stock and barrel...and child...to a country that one has never even seen before?
The more I get to know him, the more my heart thinks, “Home is where he is.”
John,
Yes, I am aware of the Irish weather.
You moved from South Africa to Ireland. What made you move?
The more time I spend with him, the more Ireland seems to fade from me. When I think about what "home" means to me, it means wherever he is.
Secondly you said you can't afford to go to him, does that mean he can't afford to come to you? Oh be careful!
Thirdly, that you ever want to keep the Irish dream going means you know in your heart of hearts that you are being rushed.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Sometimes at a distance you can't smell the manure. It's there. No idea how much but trust me - it is there.
That said - it IS fun, enjoy, but in case I forgot to mention, be careful!
Wednesday was just a couple days ago so relax and see how things seem to go. Do keep us posted on this.C.S. has some great advice.
You have only just started chatting to this fella.
Sure, all in the garden is rosy. I love that stage myself
but that is all it is at this stage, just an initial flirtation with a man.
Yes, it might grow into more when and if you meet, but that is in the future.
Take it slowly and don't make any drastic change of plans one way or the other.
I am being cautious and taking things slow.
Molly,
I’ve known him for a while on the forum as a friend. I didn’t realize my feelings had grown until this week. Maybe I knew before but I was fighting it. That’s why I got so mad at him on Wednesday. We have both agreed to take things slowly day by day.
Becareful and do what makes you and your happy.
Thank you.
I can tell from your replies YOU AINT LISTENING to any of the good advice from people that have been through what you are going through.
Your funeral.... If this turns sour dont come back here with any tales of woe.
That said, if all works well I want an invite to the wedding.
I am also noting you didn't specify which Ireland. Northern or Southern? There are some differences.
_________
So this guy, has he ever seen ghosts? What is his skill level at wicca? Can he farspeak or see tomorrow? What skillsets besides acceptance does he bring to your table?
As always, your advise is excellent.
Ken,
Yes, there are immigration rules that will apply. We are taking things slowly, one day at a time. He is not familiar with Wicca or well-versed in the supernatural. This is not a requirement for me in a partner. He is grounded, practical, compassionate and loving. He is the "rock," my foundation that keeps my kite string grounded. He is the opposite to me and thus is my perfect compliment. Together we are greater than the sum of our parts.