RAISING A RED FLAG

I was reading some mail and looking at some profiles of women who had sent likes and messages to me this morning not only from cs but other sites.

I see this often but for some reason it really got my attention when I seen where it says do you have children.

When I see that a woman says yes but they don't live with me I see a red flag.

I know times have changed but I remember when there was a divorce or separation for some reason the mother always had custody of the kids.

please my sisters here on cs, don't get mad and put mean comments on my blog,, but do you see what I am saying.

This is not to offend anyone.
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Comments (30)

Don't blame you for seeing that as a red flag when she is still young enough to have under age kids. Unfit mother? Dumped them on her parents? Not interested in having them around? Don't know maybe they have better reasons but it would bother me as well if I was a man.
Maybe the kids have moved out already professor
yes, I see a lot of grand parents raising grand kids,, scary isn't it what happen to I wonder confused
most of what I am talking about is young women, and some not so young. confused
Happened here in Indonesia long time ago, mother has not ask custody for the kid, because she took granted that the kids would be in her custody. One day, the father kidnaped the kid and brought her to another region, another island. When she searched help from the authorithy, they said that they can't help because father also have a right for that custody, and suggested mother to speak to her ex husband. But she was to poor to bought flight ticket to other island and take back the kid. She live apart from her kids for many years.
@ DUCH, wow really sad story,, but here custody is granted to one or the other and most joint,,this is really sad, feel sorry for her.
Wen. I found the same here in SA to my surprise. If it is a divorced working mother, the kids r raised by the grandparents or other close family and paid for it, with the work money.

It's totally against my principals.
@ Snook,, I have chatted with women out of this country that say they work and send money to support there kids.

and I have also seen where they send money to support there kids that live with family and husbands,,a lot of them say the husband are sorry and don't help kids,, now that is sad
Raising A red flag?

Might as well have One Flying over the right House................................detective
@ Nam,, that should be thumbs up
It's commonplace in South Africa where a single mother, out of necessity, has to move to a large city in order to obtain employment. Often she will leave her children with her mother to raise, while she works to support them. It's very sad for all concerned but at least the children are taken care of.
@ Unlaoised,,yes that is a very good point about single women and that could be the case,,i have good women friends in other countries one sends money back to help there kids and the other one lives with father and she still has to send money to help,,, where are the fathers and what is wrong with them that they can not take care of there on kids
Very good question, Wen. I can't imagine not supporting the children I created, regardless of where they lived. It's tough on these young Mums and they have my utmost admiration
Wen - "but here custody is granted to one or the other" That is only true if there was a court hearing about it. I had personal experience with one of the exceptions.

There was a woman staying here once whose boyfriend had upped and left her alone with her daughter. One day from her mother he learned she was staying with me. He came by while I was at work and persuaded her to please let him take his little girl to McDonald's just for a little while and she consented. Very sadly she agreed.

He then disappeared with the child. County Sheriff deputies when called later that afternoon advised that because he was the child's father and because there had never been a court custody hearing, his taking of his daughter was perfectly legal and all she could do was hope that someday he re-established contact.

Needless to say this had profound impact on the woman and although she later regained contact with her child, she never was really right after that.
@ Unlaoised cheers My father died when I was 12 and I seen how hard it was on my mother to raise us kids,, that is why when I was divorced I had no problem paying child support. but even here in the states we have dead beat fathers,, and some mothers that should take responsibility to there kids that don't I see a lot of grand parents raising grand kids GOD help us all handshake
@ Ken,, yes very sad, but that is the problem when nothing is settled in court as it should be,, that is just like child support, some men just send money to the x wife and when something goes wrong and the father quits sending money, there is nothing the mother can do,, this is why everything should be settled in court. and I am sure your lady friend hurt real bad over this
Wen, with respect when a young woman is writing to an older man she isn't about to make him feel he is being targeted as a mealticket. The average guy likes the idea of a younger woman, not so keen on the idea of raising another man's kids.

She may want to get him hooked first, then guess what, darling, my kids are back!
# biff,,rolling on the floor laughing that's funny and true. I myself do not want a younger woman I want someone around my own age. I should not even be looking at profiles of younger women but some sites don't say till you look at there profile, and some I just look at... bad me rolling on the floor laughing
Obviously their kids could be not living at home.


Maybe the father has sole custody of the kids.
I'm so sorry, Wen. 12 is such a vulnerable age to lose a parent. It must have been very difficult for your Mum but obviously, she did it! What a woman, eh?

cheers
@ Hi Cc,wave who knows could be that,, don't know why that got my attention this morning,,like Biff said as long as the kids are alright cheers
@ Biff,, oh yell she is one in a million,, that is why my hat is off to all single moms applause
The red flag for me is when you look and it says looking for 18-99
Why would a woman be looking for a guy twice her age ?
'-)
@wen, yes its real true sad story. But when the kid reach her 16age, guest what.....she search her mother, found her mother, and decided to live with mother. Now mother and kid reunite and live happily. Life is fair, yeah !!
Hi wen, wave I can understand where you are coming from. There are cultural differences, but it wouldn't be a common occurrence where I come from - someone would need to "mess up" to have kids taken away (if they are small and not already young adults studying or working away).

A red flag for me is all these guys that have kids but aren't married. I do realise that unplanned pregnancies can happen and things don't work out sometimes - but I'm surprised of the big numbers where it "didn't work out". I do have sympathy for guys that are in their kids life and that were married and at least gave it a try.
@ Oldblue, wave yes and you said a lot there cheers
@ Duch,Thank GOD for happy endings applause
@ KNenagh, wave Yes I guess we all have our stories,some good and some bad,, just hope the kids end up good and happy,hug
Yep I too have had some of those dunno dont know or understand the motive of some as they must think we do not have a brainteddybear
Dear miss heart 2 heart I loved sinse long time now.money I not have sum can me talk quick soon ?
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wenever

wenever

perry, Florida, USA

I am retired after being employed with my last company for almost 14 years. I live alone and enjoy chatting with people from all countries, and just try to live day by day without any drama. [read more]

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