Recognise anyone?

It’s just a bit of fun, not looking to offend anyone, but have you ever spotted one or more of these female single types? I think there are a couple missing The guys on the other hand seem to boil down to two types, flirts or not flirts . . .

• The Onlooker – intrigued by what everyone else is up to, quick to give her opinion, coy about her own agenda. Most Onlookers put their status as ‘in a relationship’ or ‘not available’. In their bio they say things like Not looking Not looking although some opt for putting their age as 99 and insist they are looking for older men only. Onlookers can be drawn into public flirtation. They give advice, and it is often worth reading.

• The Spiritual Soul – searching for love, but not just on the coarse physical plane. She seeks a soulmate, and wanders along the beaches (they nearly all live on beaches) thinking beautiful thoughts which she turns into poetry. She has frequent affairs which end when the potential soulmate would rather turn on the telly or go out for a pint than read yet another poem, and she realizes sadly that he is too of the earth to be The One. He is hustled out the door, immortalized in a poignant and regretful poem, and then forgotten.

• The Incorrigible Flirt – she’s naughty and fun, with a teasing word for everyone, scattering lavish compliments and flirting outrageously. She’s not going to settle down in a hurry – and she very rarely meets up, either, although there is always at least one meet-up imminent.

• The Hardboiled Egg – hardly counts as a single because she never, ever meets anyone. She complains there are no real men left, certainly none in her locality, and deletes private messages instantly because all messages are ipso facto from scammers. She makes disparaging comments in the public forums but gives good advice

• The Upgrader describes herself as single, but coyly admits in her first or second private message that she is in fact in a relationship / marriage but it isn’t working out.

• The Pragmatist is perhaps the most honest of all. She wants a better life for herself, preferably marriage, and is offering good company and that she will look after her man. Most of them are in poorer countries and with limited English but to judge by the blogs, the men who accept that offer and import a Pragmatist are pleased enough. However, many who look like Pragmatists are of course scammers. It is a very fine line to define. Be warned, too, gents, that genuine Pragmatists often turn fairly promptly into Upgraders.

• The Nut – phew, how to define a nut? She starts off seeming sensible but scratch the surface and the lunacy bubbles up. Nuts range from quirky to full-blown fruitcake. The Fruitcake is scary - some are sensible in the mornings, wildly erratic in the evenings. Some become demanding, attack other women on the forums, publicly insult men who have backed away, take the mildest remark as either a deadly insult or a heartfelt declaration, and appear in every shape and form. They get weirder and weirder until the website managers delete their profiles.

A little bit of nut in everyone is a Good Thing. You can have too much of a Good Thing, though.


This is for fun - be nice