Red Flags (659)
MystyrSpringfield, Missouri USA14 Threads 1 Polls 496 PostsNO 
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Mystyr: NO
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when he asks u to be his mule
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katt1017: OH MY!!!
I was going to say someone who did not get along with my cat.
I was going to say someone who did not get along with my cat.
Well, I am just speaking from past experiences and they have not been very pleasant.
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when he says lets be chat buddies
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Huge red flag over my head :\
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Uniquemom61: I just KNOW I'm going to get some GREAT replies on this one...
What are some red flags for you in a dating experience...something that would make you give this relationship, a second thought.
What are some red flags for you in a dating experience...something that would make you give this relationship, a second thought.
It's so hard to move past the very first thought for me......
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I just put on a Red Hat early in the Day to eliminate and Questions, or Embarassments!
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felixis99: WIN
loyalty is everything
loyalty is everything
Exactly. You don't throw your partner under the bus, or permit anyone else to do that. Even now I won't accept anyone bad-mouthing my exes (eewww...I hate the word "exes").
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katt1017: OH MY!!!
I was going to say someone who did not get along with my cat.
I was going to say someone who did not get along with my cat.
When he/she claws at your partner's eyeballs?
I asked my ex about how important it was to her for someone to like her cats. She replied that she found that to be of moderate importance.
But how's this for a red flag: someone who doesn't like animals?
(I'm thinking that wouldn't be a general red flag, but it would be for me...and I once was a "pet-disliker" myself!) 
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Ambrose2007: Exactly. You don't throw your partner under the bus, or permit anyone else to do that. Even now I won't accept anyone bad-mouthing my exes (eewww...I hate the word "exes").
that;s a lovely POV that I take to heart and hope I can do a better job of seeing things more objectively myself, in the future
we tend, I think to get mired in hurt when things first end, but in the long run gain perspective as to the good qualities of our exes
after all we chose each other for a reason...
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felixis99: that;s a lovely POV that I take to heart and hope I can do a better job of seeing things more objectively myself, in the future
we tend, I think to get mired in hurt when things first end, but in the long run gain perspective as to the good qualities of our exes
after all we chose each other for a reason...
we tend, I think to get mired in hurt when things first end, but in the long run gain perspective as to the good qualities of our exes
after all we chose each other for a reason...
Of course, I do indulge in a little "bad-mouthing" of them...well of my last one anyway...in my head.
But even then I try to keep the swear words and dirty language to a minimum. And occasionally I let the other person in my head have her say. ------ This thread is Archived ------
felixis99: that;s a lovely POV that I take to heart and hope I can do a better job of seeing things more objectively myself, in the future
we tend, I think to get mired in hurt when things first end, but in the long run gain perspective as to the good qualities of our exes
after all we chose each other for a reason...
we tend, I think to get mired in hurt when things first end, but in the long run gain perspective as to the good qualities of our exes
after all we chose each other for a reason...
You know, that reminds me, F, I came up with a saying (which I think may be semi-original):
Dishonor your partner, dishonor yourself.
I think that might apply to exes as well...at least in most cases (there definitely would be exceptions).
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Ambrose2007: You know, that reminds me, F, I came up with a saying (which I think may be semi-original):
Dishonor your partner, dishonor yourself.
I think that might apply to exes as well...at least in most cases (there definitely would be exceptions).
Dishonor your partner, dishonor yourself.
I think that might apply to exes as well...at least in most cases (there definitely would be exceptions).
In this context, I recall my dad always bad-mouthing his second wife. Even as a kid I thought that was wrong (though I thoroughly agreed with him!). You shouldn't be with someone you don't respect.
In retrospect, it seems amazing to me now that I stayed with someone for years who openly attacked my character - who even once said she "found it insulting" that I would compare myself with her!!??
I often asked: "Then why are you with me, if you think of me that way?" But the truly important question was: Why am I with her??By the way, what could be a bigger red flag than someone insulting your ethical character? Maybe once as an exaggeration in a heated argument, but not as a constant litany.
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felixis99: that;s a lovely POV that I take to heart and hope I can do a better job of seeing things more objectively myself, in the future
we tend, I think to get mired in hurt when things first end, but in the long run gain perspective as to the good qualities of our exes
after all we chose each other for a reason...
we tend, I think to get mired in hurt when things first end, but in the long run gain perspective as to the good qualities of our exes
after all we chose each other for a reason...
I was listening to Ayn Rand speak in a video about being objective and I guess I never really knew what it meant until I heard her definition. What I got out of her talk was that being objective is being realistic. I'm not a philospher so I'm not going to try to explain what she said. But for myself, I know what she means.
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Ambrose2007: In this context, I recall my dad always bad-mouthing his second wife. Even as a kid I thought that was wrong (though I thoroughly agreed with him!). You shouldn't be with someone you don't respect.
In retrospect, it seems amazing to me now that I stayed with someone for years who openly attacked my character - who even once said she "found it insulting" that I would compare myself with her!!?? I often asked: "Then why are you with me, if you think of me that way?" But the truly important question was: Why am I with her??
By the way, what could be a bigger red flag than someone insulting your ethical character? Maybe once as an exaggeration in a heated argument, but not as a constant litany.
So did you ever come to an realization of why you stayed when the messages were so clearly communicated to you?In retrospect, it seems amazing to me now that I stayed with someone for years who openly attacked my character - who even once said she "found it insulting" that I would compare myself with her!!?? I often asked: "Then why are you with me, if you think of me that way?" But the truly important question was: Why am I with her??
By the way, what could be a bigger red flag than someone insulting your ethical character? Maybe once as an exaggeration in a heated argument, but not as a constant litany.
I remember a letter I recieved after a brief dating period with one man, who I decided to end the relationship. He was very clear in what he said to me, and it made me think to myself, if that is truly how you thought about me then why were you so willing to continue on in the relationship? He later apologized for the cruel words, but at that point, I'd already made up my mind that I didn't want to continue seeing him for a variety of reasons.
Do we let things slide? Or discount our thoughts/perceptions? I think in many ways we all have some red flags, but I guess its also about determining how much they would impact upon a relationship and whether we are willing to negotiate or let go.
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montecito: I was listening to Ayn Rand speak in a video about being objective and I guess I never really knew what it meant until I heard her definition. What I got out of her talk was that being objective is being realistic. I'm not a philospher so I'm not going to try to explain what she said. But for myself, I know what she means.
I am quite familiar with Ayn Rand. She's a bit Malthusian for me, but I admire her nonetheless
I think being objective also involves the ability to acknowledge and try to understand how a situation appears to the other person - or people - involved - that's the best platform to move forward on if u want the relationship to continue
It's also the healthiest POV in my opinion for one's mental health if the relationship is ending
it usually takes some time for objectivity to kick in though when we are in the midst of things
just a thought
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langleygirl: So did you ever come to an realization of why you stayed when the messages were so clearly communicated to you?
I remember a letter I recieved after a brief dating period with one man, who I decided to end the relationship. He was very clear in what he said to me, and it made me think to myself, if that is truly how you thought about me then why were you so willing to continue on in the relationship? He later apologized for the cruel words, but at that point, I'd already made up my mind that I didn't want to continue seeing him for a variety of reasons.
Do we let things slide? Or discount our thoughts/perceptions? I think in many ways we all have some red flags, but I guess its also about determining how much they would impact upon a relationship and whether we are willing to negotiate or let go.
I remember a letter I recieved after a brief dating period with one man, who I decided to end the relationship. He was very clear in what he said to me, and it made me think to myself, if that is truly how you thought about me then why were you so willing to continue on in the relationship? He later apologized for the cruel words, but at that point, I'd already made up my mind that I didn't want to continue seeing him for a variety of reasons.
Do we let things slide? Or discount our thoughts/perceptions? I think in many ways we all have some red flags, but I guess its also about determining how much they would impact upon a relationship and whether we are willing to negotiate or let go.
Hi, LG!
I tolerated the negative characterizations because I thought there was some justice to them, and because I'm someone who wants to take just criticism and use it to improve myself. I was rarely angered or offended by these remarks. More saddened to think this person thought of me in that way. Ultimately, though, your mate must hold a respectful and high opinion of you. If they make fair criticisms, and you fail to change his or her mind that you've improved in ways that those criticism are no longer so fair, then it's time to reconsider your relationship, I think.
I'd like to believe, Lang, that if I wrote a critical letter to you that my criticisms would be presently compassionately and fairly, and that they would be balanced by recognitions of both your good qualities and my not-so-great qualities as well. Balanced in that I would acknowledge my own negative contributions to our relationship.
Yeah, I think you have a point of not making too much of Red Flags - because it's likely we all have them in someone's perspective. Perhaps it's a matter of identifying our own red flags - the qualities that we know from experience and introspection aren't well-suited to us? And you're right - a lot of things can be negotiated.
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