This is a waste of my time, online dateing. ( Archived) (141)

mastic55: I do worst here than most and not doing so well in person either, I think I'm stopping the search. AMEN

constanza: Hi M Jack's back....wass up....?

Ambrose2007: I think you're making a joke, but I guess I'm missing what it might be...

Anyhow, I agree with everyone who says you're likely a very nice guy (I know you can be a funny one). But being nice or honest or funny or whatever doesn't necessary lead to anything romantically. That involves a pretty damn complicated calculation involving all aspect of your personality and life. So the first order of business, it seems to me, is to examine all those things in excruciating detail until you arrive at some answers vis-a-vis being romantically frustrated...

And by the way, it's Marilyn, damn it, not Shirley!!

Ambrose2007: This probably will come as no surprise to you, Linda, but I disagree with this on several counts. I, too, have those helpful people in my life, too - for instance, I have a great neighbor whom I count as a good friend who has granted me safe harbor in his basement during a tornado (we all know what a voracious appetite they have for mobile homes!!) - but I count most of those helpful, flesh-and-blood people as acquaintances, in marked contrast to your own classification scheme.

What is the essence of friendship? I wouldn't say it consists of people who perform various services for you (yes, I know you're not making this claim, either, but you are placing an emphasis on this above, ergo....); rather, I believe the essence of friendship consists of caring about and being interested in the other person, and its primary handmaiden is *communication.* That is, the sharing of ourselves - our deepest desires, our humor, our observations - is the primary thing. Yes, I like having a neighbor who will - and has! - taken me under his wing, but I we don't enjoy a relationship that is nearly as intimate as some of those I've experienced online, where I've met a few people with whom I'm comfortable sharing extremely personal details about our lives.

I think one reason for this is that a cyberdating site simply allows you to efficiently meet and observe far larger numbers of people versus RL (for most of us). You can pick and choose from a much larger pool of people. The odds are far better - at least for rather unusual individuals such as myself - of finding like-minded individuals within such a "pool."

Then you can easily enough get to what I consider to be the essence of friendship - talking and sharing one's thoughts with one another. Certainly if one has the attitude that this is pointless because it might not lead to corporeal interactions, then one won't devote the time and energy necessary to reap the rewards of such a friendship (as you said, "it's a lot of work" - but it's hard work either way...just different kinds of work with different paybacks). If, however, one values friendship aside from doing things physically together (most of those things, one should note, consist of *talking* in different settings) - if one sees communication as the essential friendship ingredient - then one can reap enormous rewards from virtual friendships, I think.

keytone: I have done some serious thinking as well. I have spent lots of time here and before I found this place (a few years ago} I was on another site as well.

friendsfirst: bump

kissmedeeply: Did you hurt urself