my first haiku

lindsyjones

by lindsyjonesunknown, California, USA

Mar 2014 1,175 Views 29 comments

my first haiku

Author: lindsyjones

singing in the rain
sun shines brilliantly
and the flowers bloom...

my heart loved you
together forever
she appeared, and love died...

I was walking alone
a car pulled over
we landed in Paris with laughter

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Posted: Mar 2014

About this poem:

I hope it works...

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Comments (29)

Odette67

Odette67Penrith, Cumbria, England UKMar 4, 2014

singing in the rain
sun shines brilliantly
roses blooms beautifully...

my heart loved you
together forever
she appeared, and love died.

Beautiful first attempt dear lj

Mizzy4

Mizzy4Navan, Meath IrelandMar 4, 2014

Very condenced, very strong,
Sounds good to me LJ........Mick.

orientalkoru

orientalkoruGlenella, Queensland AustraliaMar 4, 2014

This is lovely...always wanted to give modern American Haiku a try...so far I seem to be stuck with the 575's...but you've inspired me here my dearest friend..

Ahyra

AhyraAdelaide, South Australia AustraliaMar 4, 2014

Lovely LJ, hope to read some more :)

madtat29

madtat29Farmington, New Mexico USAMar 5, 2014

Landed in paris eh..not a bad destination...kudos LJ

Angel04

Angel04gympie, Queensland AustraliaMar 5, 2014

Beautiful LJ, when one door closes another one opens,
ok we've all heard that before, but I actually do know from every end a new has to begin, a new lesson, a new love, a new friend maybe even a new life, a second chance at all the good things,

you make me feel positive now I'll give you some back, lets share

Angie

TAR_734

TAR_734unknown, Missouri USAMar 5, 2014

Hi LJ

If you had not mentioned this was your first attempt
at "Haiku", no one would have ever known!

It is a "masterful" first effort!

Keep feeling those feelings...and let them out here for us to enjoy!

Robert

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 5, 2014

Hmnn its so nice to see you back on my write Mr. Robert, I can't figure out why I've miss your inspiring and detailed comments on my write.

I had to post picture as the flowers were questioned but I might go faceless soon.

Thanks my dear RHR.

Lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

My dear lady Odette, it was your model and structure confirmation that made me try and I thank you so much for your inspiring encouragement..I have looked at it and what a way of expressing such a story with so limited a word...

thanks again...

lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

Mick my dearest Irish friend,,,thank you so much always for your never failing to encourage me on all my writes..

take care...

lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

My dear Kabsat, I am so glad I did inspire you to write something similar and enjoyed it too, specially with the picture in it...

thanks as always..

P

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

My dearest Elena, beautiful and soulful friend of ours here at this beautiful corner, thank you so much. I am, equally humbled by all your writes.

thank you so much always..

lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

Tony yes, that is how it should be eh??? first with no ride and then the wind blows and there appears a car, a plane and voila, in Paradise...

thanks my dearest neighbor,..

lj

soulgoddess

soulgoddessTokyo, Kanto JapanMar 6, 2014

interesting images.... Haiku in the western world has been revolutionized... they don't follow the traditional rule anymore ;) the innovative haiku or the contemporary ones will perhaps be the better match for what you want to convey...

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

Angela my dearest friend...I just am so happy every time your beauty grace my write. Love you both and thanks always.

lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

Robert thank you so much always..I have never seen anyone who has commented as exuberant and as positive and as detailed and as full of so many beautiful emoticons as you and I am so inspired to write more because of you.

Love you too, my friend..

lj

darkhorse555

darkhorse555donegal, Donegal IrelandMar 6, 2014

very beautifully drawn pictures phyllis dear friend

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 6, 2014

Thanks my dear Robert. I never tried it before and neither bothered with any style and or structure on my writes. A real follower of the true French free verse. But after this it looks like, yeah,, I can do it.. and so it is...

Thanks for the vote of over confidence..

Love you, too my friend..
Phyllis

shadow1950

shadow1950taunton, Somerset, England UKMar 6, 2014

decent first attempt Lindsy watch your syllables a tradition hauki is 5/7/5 keep at it you show promise

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 7, 2014

My dear Angela, thanks My deep appreciation for your never ending praises.

Love you as always.

Lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 7, 2014

Thanks again my dear Robert. Hope you're ok. You seem subdued lately.

Take care.

Lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 7, 2014

SG, Thanks for your read and clarification. I'm no structure writer when it comes to poem as you can probably see by now. But the explanation of our dear Odette inspired me to try abd so it is. Revolutionized Haiku it is.

Thanks again.

Lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 7, 2014

Thanks again SG. I had to go and get the note from Odette's poem which is the primary reason why I attempted. Had it been so strict on its structure as 555 or 575..I wouldn't even attempt to do it.

But your confirmation serves me well.

"The American Haiku is not exactly the Japanese Haiku. The Japanese Haiku is strictly disciplined to seventeen syllables.
The "Haiku" was invented and developed over hundreds of years in Japan to be a complete poem in seventeen syllables and to pack in a whole vision of life in three short lines. A "Western Haiku" need not concern itself with the seventeen syllables since Western languages cannot adapt themselves to the fluid syllabic Japanese. I propose that "Western Haiku" simply say a lot in three short lines in any Western language.

Above all, a Haiku must be very simple and free of all poetic trickery and make a little picture and yet be as airy and graceful as a Vivaldi Pastorella.

Jack Kerouac didn't agree with the 17 syllable counting rule! His poems show great variety in line-length.

Courtesy of Odette's explanation which made me attempt to do it.

Thank you all guys..

lj

Odette67

Odette67Penrith, Cumbria, England UKMar 7, 2014

I was walking alone
a car pulled over
we landed in Paris with laughter

Dear LJ,

I just read your haiku's again, I just love this one about Paris, it conjures up all kinds in my mind, like a brief encounter or an illicit affair.

I do like the freedom of this style, no fussing about with syllables.

Once again, I say, well done.

Poetnumber1

Poetnumber1St James, Port of Spain Trinidad and TobagoMar 7, 2014

Lovely images here my friend.I don't know much about the contemporary haikus but I did like your first attempt.

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 7, 2014

Linda thanks for your visit and yes I will try to maintain the rigid rule but I think I will stick with the Western Haiku where the counting of the syllables don't matter as long as in three lines..

Thanks again..

phyllis

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 8, 2014

Odette my dear lady, thanks for reading it twice. Yes I was laughing when I finished it just to get to the story.

My appreciation always on your reads and opinions on my write.

lj

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USAMar 8, 2014

M my friend, thank you as always
Your friend

Phyllis

lindsyjones

lindsyjonesOPunknown, California USANov 28, 2018

Soul, hope you're ok. Miss you.

I just read them.

Thanks .

Beautiful.

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