My Hard Young Life. (43)
Great childhood within my family home with great parents and great siblings.
Outside growing up was like flipping the coin.
Outside growing up was like flipping the coin.
KNenagh: Yes.
It also has an impact on how to have healthy relationships as an adult (with others and yourself).
There is truth in that. It also has an impact on how to have healthy relationships as an adult (with others and yourself).
And once one can recognize it and give it its deserved recognition one can move on from it.
Evolve, grow.
And not always as a crooked half the branches missing tree as many would suspect,
but as a tree with valuable insights that others might miss.
There's a lot of clichés and preconceived notions on the effects of a rough hard, at times traumatising upbringing.
Justified or not, people are quick to give a label of damaged goods, one that doesn't rub off easily.
At times one is better of not sharing one's past.
One gets judged on the actions of others, not on how one dealt with it. To start with anyway
MetaMaus: There is truth in that.
And once one can recognize it and give it its deserved recognition one can move on from it.
Evolve, grow.
And not always as a crooked half the branches missing tree as many would suspect,
but as a tree with valuable insights that others might miss.
There's a lot of clichés and preconceived notions on the effects of a rough hard, at times traumatising upbringing.
Justified or not, people are quick to give a label of damaged goods, one that doesn't rub off easily.
At times one is better of not sharing one's past.
One gets judged on the actions of others, not on how one dealt with it. To start with anyway
Very true. For instance, I am an illegitimate child of a woman who was uneducated and slept around. After my birth she took me to live with her sister. The only job she ever had was working in the fields picking vegetables. That's all she knew how to do. Her brother was afraid that she would raise me in the fashion of her lifestyle so he stole me from her. He made sure I went to school, fed and clothed me and wouldn't let me date boys until I was 17 years old. I called him daddy but he never legally adopted me. I thought the sun rose and shined in him .....until I was 32 years old when he molested me.And once one can recognize it and give it its deserved recognition one can move on from it.
Evolve, grow.
And not always as a crooked half the branches missing tree as many would suspect,
but as a tree with valuable insights that others might miss.
There's a lot of clichés and preconceived notions on the effects of a rough hard, at times traumatising upbringing.
Justified or not, people are quick to give a label of damaged goods, one that doesn't rub off easily.
At times one is better of not sharing one's past.
One gets judged on the actions of others, not on how one dealt with it. To start with anyway
So you see, life truly is a box of chocolates
MetaMaus: There is truth in that.
And once one can recognize it and give it its deserved recognition one can move on from it.
Evolve, grow.
And not always as a crooked half the branches missing tree as many would suspect,
but as a tree with valuable insights that others might miss.
There's a lot of clichés and preconceived notions on the effects of a rough hard, at times traumatising upbringing.
Justified or not, people are quick to give a label of damaged goods, one that doesn't rub off easily.
At times one is better of not sharing one's past.
One gets judged on the actions of others, not on how one dealt with it. To start with anyway
I don't think anyone is "goods" or cannot change or move on. When someone decides to get children, they should be aware of their responsibility and put children's needs first. This is far from reality unfortunately. No one is to blame for their parents, family and action of others. If a childhood is really bad, overcoming trauma might require help.And once one can recognize it and give it its deserved recognition one can move on from it.
Evolve, grow.
And not always as a crooked half the branches missing tree as many would suspect,
but as a tree with valuable insights that others might miss.
There's a lot of clichés and preconceived notions on the effects of a rough hard, at times traumatising upbringing.
Justified or not, people are quick to give a label of damaged goods, one that doesn't rub off easily.
At times one is better of not sharing one's past.
One gets judged on the actions of others, not on how one dealt with it. To start with anyway
It is hard to move on from a bad family if you stay around "home" and people can't see past it. But if people move location and start fresh, people can only see you and not your past. A fresh start can be good for various reasons.
As you say, once this is recognised, people can move on. My grandmother was a terrible person and made everyone's life around her miserable. I don't know how my parents could put up with it. My mother learned from it - she said she vowed to herself that her relationship to her husband and her children would be completely different.
She pulled it off. I will always admire my mum for that.
It is one of the saving graces of youth, that one assumes everyone has the same sort of upbringing as you do. I think Molly said something similar. That's not the case. One extrapolates from the inner sanctum of the family, that the wider world will be the same, just bigger. So one ventures forth filled with confidence and courage, because you fear nothing. If you've come from an abusive family, you expect the wider world to be the same.
the fact that 3 of 5 now say they are beaten up at school and they are also on a dating site gives me something to think about...
My nan often said children should be seen but not heard when adults were having adult conversations.
PeKaatje: family is omething your born with, friends you can choose.
Very true secretagent09: Very true. For instance, I am an illegitimate child of a woman who was uneducated and slept around. After my birth she took me to live with her sister. The only job she ever had was working in the fields picking vegetables. That's all she knew how to do. Her brother was afraid that she would raise me in the fashion of her lifestyle so he stole me from her. He made sure I went to school, fed and clothed me and wouldn't let me date boys until I was 17 years old. I called him daddy but he never legally adopted me. I thought the sun rose and shined in him .....until I was 32 years old when he molested me.
So you see, life truly is a box of chocolates
Heartbreaking. So you see, life truly is a box of chocolates
OnlyLiveTwice: It is one of the saving graces of youth, that one assumes everyone has the same sort of upbringing as you do. I think Molly said something similar. That's not the case. One extrapolates from the inner sanctum of the family, that the wider world will be the same, just bigger. So one ventures forth filled with confidence and courage, because you fear nothing. If you've come from an abusive family, you expect the wider world to be the same.
I don't agree with this.I never assumed everyone had the same sort of upbringing.
I knew it wasn't the case, and that's from a very young age.
It sounds naive to me, or an upbringing that's so sheltered and on a narrow track it gives a skewered world view with rose tinted glasses. Blinkers
Coming from an abusive family, no, there never was any expectation the wider world would be similar.
Far from.
One stepped into the world with caution and maybe some sadness because of it, but well aware that kindness and care should be the norm.
Granted, once found, one might not be a schoolbook example on how to deal with it.
You didn't learn but you knew what it was.
One forgets at times that as a young human being one knows the difference.
We know from birth some right and wrongs.
There is an instinctive moral compass we have and our upbringing will throw distracting magnets in its path, one way or other but the compass is there.
While formative years are of upmost importance we don't arrive in this world as a blank slate.
Expecting ventures from an abusive family to be a one trick pony of much the same is lacking insight or understanding.
Nor does it mean one stepped into this world without confidence and for certain not without courage.
If anything it often shows more strength regardless of fears.
secretagent09: Very true. For instance, I am an illegitimate child of a woman who was uneducated and slept around. After my birth she took me to live with her sister. The only job she ever had was working in the fields picking vegetables. That's all she knew how to do. Her brother was afraid that she would raise me in the fashion of her lifestyle so he stole me from her. He made sure I went to school, fed and clothed me and wouldn't let me date boys until I was 17 years old. I called him daddy but he never legally adopted me. I thought the sun rose and shined in him .....until I was 32 years old when he molested me.
So you see, life truly is a box of chocolates
Sorry to hear the rug got pulled out from under you like that.So you see, life truly is a box of chocolates
Little of use I can add to that.
Just enjoy the few tasty chocolates, sometimes we forget but there's always some in the box
Being an American kid living on the local economy in Norway (living off base among the Norwegians) I would get into fights daily with the sons of Vikings. I remember having to fight 5 boys who were older than me daily.
I would get beat up daily and then walk home crying that cry of total defeat and humiliation (where you can't catch your breath).
Eventually I kept getting stronger, and fiercer.
Finally one day (weeks later) I got off the bus and lo and behold no bullies to harass me. Same with the next day and the day after that, and on and on. I was able to come and go unmolested.
One day I ran into one of the bullies at the delicatessen. Since our eyes met I had to confront him.
I said "Hey, how come you guys don't want to fight anymore?"
He said "OH... We want to fight... Just no one wants to go first or second"
I would get beat up daily and then walk home crying that cry of total defeat and humiliation (where you can't catch your breath).
Eventually I kept getting stronger, and fiercer.
Finally one day (weeks later) I got off the bus and lo and behold no bullies to harass me. Same with the next day and the day after that, and on and on. I was able to come and go unmolested.
One day I ran into one of the bullies at the delicatessen. Since our eyes met I had to confront him.
I said "Hey, how come you guys don't want to fight anymore?"
He said "OH... We want to fight... Just no one wants to go first or second"
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I presumed that everybody had the same kind of upbringing and childhood as me.
It is only as you get older that you realise not everybody was that lucky.
I guess it's that we read of the horror stories of the day. I can't say that I know of a single person in the sixties who lived that kind of life. Maybe they got dead? I dunno.
Anyway, mom and dad, for my numerous stupidities, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. You gave me a great life to grow up in. I am who I am today because of you.