This word I never hear anymore being said; Strange or weird. Every thing is funny to a lot of people. They will tell me something and say; Was that not funny? Sorry, but there was nothing funny about what you just said.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what languag e do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ' UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is s pecial.
Read to the end . . . a new twist 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove SPAN dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
STRONG18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Read to the end . . . a new twist 1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove SPAN dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
STRONG18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? They don't know the route.
What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
What does a blonde think an innuendo is? An Italian suppository.
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? From eating with forks.
Why don't blondes double recipes? The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number. OR: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
What do you call a blonde touching her toes? A brunette with bad breath
What does a blonde make best for dinner? Reservations.
What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? Air bubbles.
What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW? Divorcee'
What does a blonde owl say? What, what?
What do you call a zit on a blonde's bum? A brain tumor.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
How do blonde brain cells die? Alone.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? She'd just dyed her hair. OR: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
Help others and learn how to run... A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
Pearly Gates A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."
St. Peter consults his list.
He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.
He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."
St Peter consults his list.
He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."
Brother ! Luigi: "Father, I wanna an annulment." Priest: "Why, Luigi? You justa gota married yesterday." Luigi: "I tink I married my sister." Priest: "No, no Luigi.. I know you an your wife alla your lives, and there is no relation. Whata make-a you tink she's your sister?" Luigi: "Last night we undress for bed she looka at my dicka an say: "Oh, brother!"
I love Italian music, it does not matter I can't understand it. I feel it. "Die flippers" are German, I do understand some, love the melodies. "The Seekers" are an Australian group.
My favorite from them is; There is a new world somewhere it is called the promised land. I will be there someday, if you would hold my hand. I will need you there besides me, no matter what I do. I could searce the whole worls over and never find another you.
Due to dramatic increases in our overhead costs, we are obliged to charge you for our general support services from this point forward. Our new price list is as follows:
Simple answers $ 3.00
Answers which need some thought $ 7.00
Honest answers $ 12.00
And, for services we find ourselves performing even more frequently:
Answers to dumb and unnecessary questions $ 20.00
We cannot keep our standard reactions free any longer:
dinner after 25 years in the Parish. A leading Senator and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss ' s wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.".....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the senator arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Yep I should tell Phillis Diller to move over I am taking over now. She started to do comedy when at least in her 60th I believe. Here comes jennyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
You know what is great, me thinks, that I can laugh harder about some off this stuff, than you guys can. I entertain myself too.
Right on sister, we have done what we had too, tell the good news. There is a poem that says; "I thought you were my friend, but here I stand condemed. WHY did you not tell me about this place?
The profecies facinate me. The book of Daniel should be read with the book of Revelation. Read about the ten toes. This is here talking about the Revised Roman Empire. Yes history repeating itself. There are today more than ten countries in the EEG, but it will end up, leaving only ten.
"Behold I stand at the door and knock, if any man hearest my knock, and opens the door, I will come in. This is the very last invitation We have to open this door our self. He only knocks and says hey I am here.
hollandgirl Forum Posts (4,464)
RE: Who Is The Anti-Christ In Revelations Chapter 13
I looked in Daniel not there, at least have not highlighted it.Lots of notes there though.
Something I do a lot.