The_Kansan Forum Posts (3,395)

RE: Best LOVE Song Ever

You Make the Miles Sing For Me - Don Mc

Whenever I see Your Smilin' Face - James Taylor

In the Shelter of Your Eyes - Don Williams

Cross my Heart - George Strait

Daisy a Day - Judd Strunk

RE: What do you think the person above you has on the mind in there picture?

Yay! I'm HAPPY! HAPPYhappyhappyhappyHAPPY!

Daddy's Girl! (Awwwww!)

My apologies to nhcavegal. I didn't see her version of this story unitl after I'd already posted this one!

RE: CUP OF TEA

Oops! Didn't see this one before I posted the other one!

Daddy's Girl! (Awwwww!)

One day my sister-in-law was out and my brother was in charge. My niece was maybe 1 and 1/2 years old. Someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of her favorite toys.

My brother was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my nephew was playing nearby, when she brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my sister-in-law came home.

My brother made her wait in the living room to watch their daughter bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

My sister-in-law waited, and sure enough, here comes the aforementioned cutie, down the hall, with a cup of 'tea' for Daddy and 'Sis'-in-law watches him drink it up, then says, "Did it ever occur to you that the only place that she can reach to get water is the toilet??"

How True it is! (Unfortunately!)

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same
complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip
replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day
and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an
appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery
scheduled for a month from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.

The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.


(Next time take me to a vet! WOOF)

RE: you didn’t think to ask online...

1. Do you wear a watch? Yes.
2. Are you so tall your head hits doorways when you walk through them? On short doorways, yes.
3. Are you so short you have to roll up your pants legs? Only when I am dumb enough to buy pants that are too long.
4. Do you bite your nails? No, I use a hammer.
5. Do you rub snuff or chew tobacco? Occasionally and dependant upon circumstances.
6. Do you have a house plant? No, but I used to deliver to an automobile plant.
7. Do you have a vegetable garden? No, I have 3.
8. Do you pick your nose? I'd like to, but genetics didn't give me any choice in the matter.
9. Do you lie about picking your nose? Does the previous answer sound like a lie?
10. Do you know how to cook? I even know how to bake!
11. Do you know how to sew? By hand, yes. With a machine, well, I'd rather not get into that.
12. Have you ever lived on a farm? Yes
13. What age did you start working? Do chores count?
14. Do you read the newspaper? I have to, since I've yet to find one that will read its'self and report back.
15. Where do you usually sit in the house? Yes.
16. Do you play the lottery? If you always lose, it's not really playing.
17. Do you go to church? Every time I step outside!
18. Do you use a dry cleaner? I have a whisk broom, does that count?
19. How do you decide how much to tip the waitress? Depends upon the service and cost/difficulty of the meal.
20. What kinds of pajamas do you wear? A suit. I got it on my birthday many years ago.
21. What do you do with your towel after a shower? I dry off with it.
22. How much do you talk on the phone? Depends upon who's on the other end - Sometimes very little.
23. Who’s your best friend? No, Who's on first!
24. What’s a typical day for you? By your standards or mine?
25. What size is your bed? Which one?
26. How’s your house decorated? By hand.
27. Do you vote? Yes. But not always for the types things others vote for.
28. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Real or imaginary?
29. Do you believe in astrology? Depends upon how close my daily horoscope is to the truth.
30. What’s your typical dinner? A meal fit for consumption.
31. Do you like board games? Yes, until they become bored games.
32. How often do you really camp/hike/canoe/other thing listed in your profile? As often as possible.
33. What grocery store do you prefer? Which one is closest and/or open?
34. How big is your village/town/city? Well, it's not really mine - I just live there.
35. What’s the farthest you’ve ever traveled from home? Roughly the same distance it took me to get back.
36. How do you answer the phone? I usually pick it up and push the little "phone on" button thingy.
37. Are your curtains usually open or closed? Yes. They are always either open or closed.
38. What time do you go to bed? Early.
39. What time do you wake up? Even earlier. (But usually later than I went to sleep.)
40. How long have you been at your job? How long have I been there, or how long have I worked there?
41. Conversely, how long have you been unemployed? I'm always unemployed when I'm not working, but it usually doesn't last more than overnight or the weekend.
42. What’s the most common reason you see the doctor? He appears in front of me?
43. How often do you see your parents? Every time I walk past their picture.
44. What’s the last book you read? I don't know, I haven't read it yet.
45. What do you never miss on TV? I seldom miss anything on TV, whether I watched it or not.
46. How often do you change your sheets? Bed or music?
47. How often do you go barefooted? Whenever I take my shoes/boots off, so at least once a day.
48. What’s in your wallet/purse? All the stuff I'm afraid I'd lose if I tried to keep it in my pockets.
49. What’s your favorite outfit for a day at home? Is company coming?
50. Where do you really want to go on that first date? I am no longer eligible to answer that question.

You Might be a Taliban if...

10. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

9. You own a $1000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

8. You have more wives than teeth.

7. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

5. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.

4. You've ever been asked, "Does this burka make my butt look fat?"

3. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

2. You've ever heard or uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

1. You wipe your 'tail' with your bare left hand, but consider bacon unclean.

RE: Dangerous Person

It's simple! Besides reporting him to the Mods (which you've already done.) Have her relay the message that if he ever even remotely thinks about doing/saying anything again that is not 100% pure gentlemany conduct - Then the remaining male members here who are gentlemen will simply find him and beat him to dust! That way (as per his demand!) the police have not been contacted, yet justice will have still been served!

My apologies for the outburst, but cretins like this really tick me off!

RE: M.S.A.P. What does it stand for make up yours.

My stamps are purple.

My steps are purposeful.

My steed ain't pink!

Mr. Steele applied paints.

Mrs. Steele arranged Poinsettias.

My stupid airy personality.

ARRRRRRGH! Darn you, Len!

RE: M.S.A.P. What does it stand for make up yours.

Mileage statistics are pathetic.

RE: M.S.A.P. What does it stand for make up yours.

My seams are parting! (Too much Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream!)

RE: Whos the better race car driver???

I'm not a NASCAR fan, but I recall reading somewhere that Jeff Gordon was going to have a picture of Dale Earnhardt Jr. tattooed on his . (Because he finally figured out that was the only way he was ever going to be able to beat him!)



Sorry, I just couldn't resist!

RE: GREATEST AND BEST POSTS ANTHOLOGY

For anyone who's interested:

RE: GREATEST AND BEST POSTS ANTHOLOGY

I can't speak to the Commando Revolution, but the News thing started back in late June/early July and ran 29 pages before we finally dried up. It was honestly some of the most fun I've ever had on here.

I'll try and find it again and post the link...

RE: Its AutumR's birthdday everyone! Time to embarrass! hehe

RE: USA est 3:30am curious who is up and why?

I've been up for about an hour and 15 minutes. The last time I was able to "sleep in" past 6:00 was back in October when I got sick and ended up in the hospital. Then again, I've never slept more than about 6 hours a night...

WORDS TO GROW ON...

They all make sense to me!

If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.

Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.

The best vitamin for making friends: B-1

The quality of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.

The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.

I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them.

One thing I can give and still keep: my word.

One thing I can't recycle is wasted time.

I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.

Ideas won't work unless 'I' do.

My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

RE: What do you think the person above you has on the mind in there picture?

I thought I put that camera up there!

Hi Luis!

RE: ~~~~PLEASEZZZZZZZ........

Plastic roses work! And they can be recycled yet again as packing material for Christmas presents!

Damn, I'm on a roll today!

Hi Bob!

RE: ~~~~PLEASEZZZZZZZ........

I'll give you my address, Robert, and you can send 'em to me, whereupon I'll put 'em to good use!

Wow, two - no, three - birds with one stone! I'll provide you with an address to send flowers to and then I'll recycle them by giving them to someone very special thereby saving some money!

God, I LOVE it when a plan comes together!

RE: eggs and women!

Ok, Ship, so let me get this straight - You want a fluffly, over easy woman who has some meat?

Good luck, friend!

RE: Whats Your Astrological Sign......?

Not psychic, just very intuitive! (Oh, and I've been accused of actually being observant enough to at least sometimes see the nose in front of my face. )

RE: Getting so many feelings

Dknew said: "The next 5 days are going to go so damn slow"

Trust me, Dan, 5 days afterwords you'll wonder where the time went!

RE: Whats Your Astrological Sign......?

Well, I've had Scorpios in my past too. They just weren't the right Scorpio. (That only came with time!)

RE: Whats Your Astrological Sign......?

The same. But, like I mentioned earlier in this thread, since I live in Tennessee, it's the year of RAT now!

Hmmm... Judging from my own experience, I could see a positively wonderful Scorpio in your future!

RE: Whats Your Astrological Sign......?

Really?! Small world! My best friend is also a Libra! And while I'm glad I married my Scorpio, my buddy Cord and I have made a great team for many years now.

RE: Whats Your Astrological Sign......?

Uh... Taurus? No, wait! Uh... Capricorn... No, that doesn't fit you! Uh... Picses? No? Be patient, I'll get get it! Ummmm... I give up, but you kinda' remind me of two of my brothers who are both Aries...

RE: Whats Your Astrological Sign......?

Aquarius - Year of the Rat

(Of course, since I just had a birthday and now live in Tennessee, that would be the year of... RAT NOW! )

RE: GOD V RELIGION

Pretty much exactly the same as yours.

I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian Church in my tiny home town in Kansas. Since then, I have seen and studied much of organized religion and attended many different churches. Today, you are entirely more likely to find me on a creek bank or wondering the woods on Sunday morning, than in church. When someone questions this, I explain that, 1st, nature is God's cathedral and, 2nd, that I have met far fewer hypocrites on creek banks than I have in church pews.

Someone once said that there are times, when no what the attitude of the body, the soul is on it's knees. I have found that to be true and try to live my life accordingly...