BBQ RULES We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine...
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery. (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all: (10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women...
This reminds me of an answering message I had on my voice mail a few years back:
"Hi, this is Don. I can't get to the phone right now because I'm so busy that I can't seem to keep up with myself. In fact I've just stepped out for a minute to see if I can find me. I hope to be back soon, but if you should happen to see me before I talk to you, remind me to call you and say 'Howdy!'"
Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes , learn from them.
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Or you can turn off your "who's viewed me" and folks won't be able to see if you've viewed them. Unfortunately, you won't be able to see who's viewed you, either.
A few years ago George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, a very attractive woman, and a rather unattractive woman were riding on a train.
Suddenly, the train entered a tunnel and everything went dark. A loud 'SLAP' was heard.
Just then, the train exited the tunnel and everyone was able to see again. Bill Clinton was rubbing a rather angry looking red spot on the side of his face.
The unattractive woman thought to herself "I guess Bill must've grabbed that attractive woman and she slapped him."
The attractive woman was thinking to herself "Ol' Bill must have reached for that unattractive woman thinking she was me, and she slapped him."
Bill Clinton was thinking to himself "George W. must have grabbed that attractive woman, and she thought it was me and she slapped me."
George W. Bush was thinking to himself "I hope we go through another tunnel so I can smack him again..."
Sorry, Dude. Just trying to interject a little levity into this thread before I go to work!
Corn, bush beans, pole beans (2 varieties), purple hull peas, okra, zuchini squash, potatos, several varieties of tomatos, peas, radishes and about a dozen or so herbs including dill and rosemary.
Down here in East Tennessee, the average snowfall is something less than spectacular. Schools will close after 1/2 inch accummulation. (sometimes less!) But the locals treat each and every snow storm as though it were a blizzard on the magnitude of the one that hit the great plains in 1919.
If snow - even the slightest amount - is predicted, grocery store parking lots will fill up quicker than a hot chick's dance card at a bachelor convention. Folks think they have to "stock up" just in case they get "snowed in." The snow rarely lasts for more than a few hours or a day at most. Two days later, snow will be predicted again and the same folks who "stocked up" on Monday will be right back at the store "stocking up" all over again. (And if you don't go to the store, your neighbors think you're a nutcase for not being "prepared.")
For someone from Kansas who grew up dealing with real snow, it's become a wonderful running joke. "Uh-oh, we're gonna' have a blizzard (that's flurries to anyone else), better go to the store!"
If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' as in ‘big’ol’ truck or big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
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AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biskits.
The bunny... Definitely the bunny! (Unless you're going to hand me a certified cashier's check for a million bucks or something. Then I'd hug you and kick the bunny down an elevator shaft!)
Yep, pretty much! I see nothing but the same old rhetoric I've seen in all the other "Obamarama" threads. Nothing I've seen here makes me want to vote for Obama anymore than I did before the first thread. (Although I'm not particularly fond of Clinton or McCain either!) At the same time, nothing Obama himself has said or done has impressed me much either; He's spent great gobs of money on a campaign where the only real goal has been to tell people more of what they want to hear than his opponent(s) have told them. He has talked about change because everybody seems to believe we need change, but has stated absolutely nothing about how he proposes to make these changes.
The recurring theme I've picked up on in these threads is that if anyone disagrees with the premise that Obama is the next messiah, (or disagrees with the OP or any who he agrees with) then they are labled idiots or troublemakers and are instantly attacked and insulted. And before you ask - No I haven't been the recipient of very many of these attacks and it's because, aside from an occasional comment, I've kept a low profile or refrained from posting altogether.
And what, exactly has all this accomplished? (Aside from a little entertainment for the excruciatingly bored)
Nothing!
So there you have it, Dude - My response to your question. 10 threads about absolutely nothing at all. Those who were for Obama in the beginning are still for Obama, and those who weren't for Obama haven't been converted either. Nothing + Nothing = Nothing
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
There are very few personal problems which cannot be resolved with a suitable application of high explosives. (Author known, but, again, wishing to remain anonymous.)
Life is not really what you make it, but what it makes you. I am proud (and a little surprised) to be who I am, what I am and where I am and still be alive to enjoy it. I am humbled by the experiences I've learned from and honored by the memory of people who have touched my life. I aspire to continue to be a better person and am quite content in the knowledge that, 150 years from now, it probably will not have mattered a darn bit to anyone but me.
Myself and my life... Yep, that's what I'm most proud of. Even those times when I was lower than a snake's belly have led me to where I am - And I like it here!
Check out the possibilities in East Tennessee, Robert. Multi-cultural and diverse, reasonable housing, beautiful scenery, plenty of friends within spittin' distance, moderate climate, no state income tax and Michigan is just a day's drive up I-75.
The_Kansan Forum Posts (3,395)
BBQ Rules...