Heck, I'd shave anything but my head or my mustache for my lady. Sometimes the beard is important, but never so important that I'd risk losing her affection over it. (Of course it is precisely because she loves me unconditionally, that she wouldn't demand that I shave it off in the first place!)
This is the first piece I had published, many, many moons ago and was indeed written to a former boss. I hope you enjoy!
Letter to the Boss...
Dear Boss:
Congratulations on having chosen the Colorado Rocky Mountains as your vacation spot this year! As you may know, even though I live in Kansas, I have spent a great deal of time in the Rockies. In fact, due in large part to inaccurate maps, faulty compasses and the mysterious geologic forces which strive to constantly re-arrange other wise familiar landmarks - I have probably spent more time in the Colorado back country than most members of the search and rescue team. At any rate, I am convinced that you, yourself could not have chosen a better destination.
I must admit that I am honored that you have come to me for advice on the subject of camping in the Rockies and commend you on your excellent judgement. Naturally, over the years, I have acquired an almost encyclopedic knowledge on this subject and you may believe me when I say that I have forgotten more than you know.
From the time of Zebulon Pike to present there have been literally thousands of books and articles authored on the subject of camping and living in the mountains. So many so that my (now ex!) wife jokingly inquired as to why anyone over the age of eight who owns a library card would willingly come to me for advice. I politely informed her that I, for one, could understand your wanting to learn things that only a real expert (like myself) would know!
With that in mind, Boss, I have decided not to fill your brain with information easily obtained from other sources. Instead, I have enclosed the following list of things you should NOT do while you are in the mountains. I know you should not do these things, because unfortunately, I have done them all at some point in the past. Needless to say, the results have ranged from just thoroughly embarrassing to damn near disastrous!
Good Luck Boss! May you learn at least as much from my "adventures" as I have...
Things you should NOT do in the Mountains
1. Do not wrap an egg in clay and place it the campfire to cook.
2. Do not try to start a campfire using only a mouthful of brandy and a Zippo lighter.
3. No matter how cute and cuddly it may look - Do not try to pet a baby porcupine.
4. Never try to kill a skunk with a banjo!
5. Never try to bluff a moose...
6. Never try to cross a stream on any log, which is more than ten feet above the water - Especially if the water is less than three feet deep!
7. Never leave your clothes more than a mile from where you are actually "skinny-dipping."
8. NEVER allow yourself to be convinced that riding a plastic toboggan down a two thousand foot snowmass and into a mountain lake would be "a really neat thing to do!"
9. Do not sneak up on your camp partner and "woof" like a grizzly - Especially if they are holding a cast iron skillet or a fly rod.
10. Do not throw rocks or pinecones at your camp partner when they in the bushes answering the call of nature - Especially if they are bigger and meaner than you are.
11. Do not throw rocks or pinecones at any stump that looks like a sleeping bear.
12. If you must climb a tree to escape from a bear (which turned out NOT to be a stump after all), do NOT disturb anything which looks like a yellow jacket nest until AFTER you are past it.
And finally - Even if the yellow jackets choose to go after the bear and leave you with only a few stings - DO NOT JUMP UP AND DOWN, CLAP YOUR HANDS AND LAUGH UPROARIOUSLY …while you are still standing in the uppermost branches of a pine tree!!!
Clothes dryer, vehicle accidents... Damn, sounds like maybe you need to pay more attention everywhere. It's okay to have one's head in the clouds, but not at the expense of losing sight of what's going on around you.
(I have some bellybutton windows for sale if you'd like one? - One size fits all!)
21) Get on the elevator with a friend. Stand near the front. Wait until it's really crowded, then have him say "Sure, I'll take your case, but why did you shoot the guy?" reply "Because he kept staring at the back of my neck!!!"
People get into their cars, start them up and then put their brains on auto-pilot for the drive while they think about something else; "Will I get off in time to make it to the bank? Wonder if the new guy at the Deli is single? Please God, let me make this deal with company XYZ go through today!", etc... And I'm thinking "Okay, I wonder if this dude in the blue Honda is gonna' cut me off and if he does what can I do to avoid smearing his paint job all over my grill? Damn, I'd better keep an eye on that gal in the green Taurus - the way she's gesturing at whoever is on the other end of that cell phone, she's gonna' lose it if she hits a pothole!, etc...
I'm not saying that I never become distracted while I'm driving because I do - everyone does - it's just that too damn many folks seem to be distracted all the time while they're driving.
Anybody of hear of the Smith Driving System? I've believed in it and practiced (as well as taught) it for years. It involves what's known a "space cushion driving" and the 5 key points are:
1. Aim high in steering. (Look 10 - 12 seconds - that is the distance your vehicle will travel in 10 - 12 seconds - ahead of you. Not just a car length or two down down the road.)
2. Get the big picture. (Be aware of what's going on, not just in front of you, but also at the sides and rear of your vehicle.)
3. Keep your eyes moving. (Don't focus on any one thing to the exclusion of everything else - 2-3 seconds max, then look somewhere else, another 2-3 seconds max then change your field of view again.)
4. Leave yourself an out. (Make sure that you have somewhere to go to avoid an impending collision or other obstacle on the road. Right? Left? - If you've left a safe following distance from the vehicle in front of you, you can sometimes even avoid being being rear-ended by simply moving forward.)
5. Make sure they see you. (I drive with my lights on all the time. Sometimes I leave my canoe on top of the Ramcharger for weeks - even though I have no intention of actually going canoeing. Do something, anything to stand out so that people actually take note of you and your vehicle. Sometimes while driving in the truck, I'll notice traffic coming up behind me and simply tap my brake lights a few times - Just to get their attention.)
The Smith Driving System is a wonderful way to get from today to tomorrow and beyond safely. You don't have to drive a truck to practice it, it doesn't cost you anything (although it might save you untold fortunes) and it's simple and easy to put into use.
On the other side of things, friends of ours lost a cell phone in Houston last week. It was turned in to the cashier at the cafe' where it was found and she looked through the numbers and dialed mine with it. After talking with my lovely wife and verifying that it was his number, I called the cafe' back while Jackson called the place they were staying.
Long and short of it was that they got their phone back with a minimum of fuss and bother - He thought he'd lost it on the plane and never expected to see it again!
Geez! Feeling a little 'prickish' today? Didn't realize that we were on your time schedule.
Okay, besides deleting your old cookies as Trish suggested, you might also check the settings on your regular e-mail. A while back, for some reason unknown to me, my notifications from CS began to go straight into my junk mail folder. Had to change things there to make it right again.
Or it could be that since you haven't been checking your CS mail in a 'timely fashion,' there's some sort of built in redundancy filter to keep from filling your regular mailbox with a bunch of <redundant> repetitive messages.
My apologies for not seeing this and responding to it as soon as it was posted. (I was in the potty!)
A card in the left position indicates what has happened to affect your question in the past.
You bridge the multidimensional nature of the human adventure and intentionally walk in both worlds - the magician's world of spiritual power and the tangible world of "reality." With swiftness and keen sight (the falcon), you actively seek to discover the true nature of spirit.
Growth in the Present position.
A card in the middle position indicates what is affecting your question at this time.
Opportunities for new beginnings are swiftly coming to the seeker. Use them wisely and in a positive way to gain a better life for yourself.
God of Air: Gwydion in the Future position.
A card in the right position indicates your questions future.
A time of changing perceptions and deep personal insight, it is wise to focus on spiritual growth and evolution. You are filled with inspiration that has purpose and application.
France. Because my lovely wife has always wanted to see Paris. ('Course the next day (or week) it would be Utah, because I'd really like to get back up on the San Rafael Swale!)
I'll trade your heat for our humidity! Actually 'spose to cool down a bit here this weekend. Damn shame too - I've been puny (gallbladder flare-up) and my sweetheart won't let me do anything fun that involves physical exertion. (Canoeing, hiking up the ridge, etc...)
The_Kansan Forum Posts (3,395)
RE: To Beard or Not To Beard
Heck, I'd shave anything but my head or my mustache for my lady. Sometimes the beard is important, but never so important that I'd risk losing her affection over it. (Of course it is precisely because she loves me unconditionally, that she wouldn't demand that I shave it off in the first place!)